𝐈𝐧 𝐌𝐲 𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐞 (𝒈𝒙𝒈)

𝐗𝐗𝐗𝐈𝐈 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐲 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬

𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚
𝐀/𝐍: (Honestly cried a little while writing this)

I've decided.

I'm no longer a human being worthy of such love and attention from an angel. I mean, she must have been doing all those.. good stuff because of pity, right? Who would love a self centered, idiotic, childish, annoying thing like me? Let's face it, I'm worthless. Nothing more than a speck of dust.

"BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ARE  YOU DOING WALLOWING AROUND? IT'S 6:54 AM, WE'RE GONNA BE LATE." Ah, that must be the voice of a demon, coming to pick me up from hell. Just five more minutes then I'll comply, I deserve to burn anyway. I cover my ears and eyes with my pillow to block out the noise and sunlight. My head hurts.

It's been two days since me and Emma parted. I've been doing nothing but staying in my room all day, sighing and drowning in self pity (and binge watching Doraemon).

I've decided that I'll distance myself from her and spare her the burden of carrying worthless trash like me. It'll be better for both of us. The more time I spend with her, the more feelings I discover and I don't want that. Too much feelings means getting hurt. Getting hurt means I hurt everybody else. I don't want that. I don't want to hurt her.

"WHY ARE YOU GOING BACK TO SLEEP!? I TOLD YOU TO WAKE UP." Ah, that annoying demon hasn't left huh. I'm laying in my messy bed, with my pillow still covering my ears and eyes from the demon. Until my shield was pulled away from me. I groaned under the deadly rays of sunlight hitting my face.

Expectedly, the demon turned out to be my bestfriend. I don't make an effort to do anything though, I don't want to go to school today. Seeing the state I'm currently in, Maybel lets out a heavy sigh, probably knowing what I'm going through. Well, my hair is messy as fuck, I have dark circles around my eyes, my body feels heavy, and three empty containers of vanilla ice cream to my left.

"I know you must be going through a lot, but have you taken your meds?" She asks worriedly. I haven't.

"Yeah," I reply in a raspy voice. Probably wasn't a good idea to eat all those ice cream before bed.. my throat feels itchy.

Maybel doesn't say anything and picks up all my mess. She then turns to me and places her hand against my forehead.

"Jesus you're burning up..." Maybel says in a hush whisper. Hooray, no school. "I'll just call the professor and tell her your sick." I don't reply as sleep slowly creeps back into my eyes.

"Oh no you don't, get up. Take some antibiotics." She left for a second and I took that time to adjust to the light. I do sit up and rest my head on my hands. Fuck my head hurts so bad. Is this what a hangover feels like? But for Ice cream?  I didn't even realize that a thermometer was beeping.

"38.06⁰ huh... It seems you've caught a cold. Here, take this. And your pills, too." Maybel informs as she hands me a glass of water. I let out a hoarse chuckle. Of course she'd know.

"What am I gonna do with you..." She whispers. I don't know, discard me? "The maids said your parents would be back this evening. Take your time and rest, I'll be here." Great. More bad news and I once again burden someone with my patheticness. All of a sudden I feel tears trickle down my eyes. They don't come in waterfalls unlike my breakdowns, no. It's like a physical appearance of disappointment itself.

"It's okay, Dre. Let it out, I'm here. Tell me what's been bothering my cute Drea." Maybel asks as she sits down and gently wipes a tear of mine. She shouldn't be doing this. Doesn't she understand that I'm not worthy of love? Let alone hers? I break away from her and wipe my tears quickly.

"It's fine, it's fine. I just need some rest. Don't bother yourself with me, go to school, you're gonna be late." I avoid eye contact as I let out small sniffles. Damn, my shaking voice says so otherwise.