The Raven - Born Out The Earth

Same Old Raven

I can feel myself wrapped up in a warm blanket as sleep slowly leaves my eyes. My body is rested and fully charged but it feels lifeless as I wake up to a cold empty room once again. The empty bed across me, almost mocks me. I can smell Aya's scent. A sweet jasmine with a hint of fresh lotus lightly spreads across the room. She must have left by now as the scent only lingers. It does not fill the room.

I get up off my bed and bring myself to shower before I head to a circle of life, I have been living since I got here. Everything is a repeat of the day before. I wake up each morning, go to work, come back late in the evening and go to bed again. Like a lifeless robot. I lived for money. To what it's worth now. That I don't know.

I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I need to get out of the depression I'm losing myself into. I need to get used to this so one day when Aya finds her mate, I can happily let her go. Yeah. That's it. I'm going to work hard and earn enough so that Aya can live the rest of her life without any worries.

As the cold water hits me, I feel alive once again. I watched my naked body in the mirror after I was done with the shower. I have lost weight. Although my body is packed with muscles, I can see the outline of my ribcage now. I lightly trace the mark that was just above my left breast, close to my heart. I don't know how I got this, but it's been there for as long as I'm aware. I lightly trace the mark that seemed to represent something. Like I was almost branded. Or bonded even.

The blue mark looked like a half circle with a thin line in the middle like that of a heartbeat. But it seemed to be missing the rest of the beats. It's partly a reason that I hide behind those baggy tops.

I walk out the shower with a towel wrapped around my body. I walk straight to my bedside where my bag laid. My clothes still fully packed. You never know when one got to run now. Do you?

As usual, I grabbed my light blue baggy t-shirt and a dark jean. I pulled my only black shoe that I owed and pulled it across my feet. Then I was ready to leave as usual.

The early morning sun hit me as I walk out the building. It was very warm almost hot, but I never bothered myself with the heat. It was not like I had anything else to wear. And I wasn't about to waste any money on myself when I could be saving it for Aya. So, I pulled my head up and walked to the brightly lit street with just me on it.

I did not let my mood affect me. I talked and joked lightly with Emily as Sarah was kind of on a quieter and more uptight side. Oliver doesn't seem to hold a proper conversation with me without stuttering or mumbling to himself. Although he seems to be fine rest of the time. So, Emily it is. She cheers me up even for a while. And I forget everything. Even if it's only for a while.

That evening, I walk to home with a heavy heart. I know that once again I'm going to enter the haunted apartment, cold and void of any living being. Even though I take slow steps. Very slow steps. I seem to be in front of the door after a few minutes. I listen as I stand by the door and I hear an empty silence. I rest my head on the door contemplating whether I should go in or not.

Releasing a heavy sigh, I take out the keys from my jean pocket and slowly push the door open. Cold, dark and haunting quietness welcomes me. I take a step in. Then another. And another. I reach our room and gently push it open. The same emptiness fills the air. As I scan the room, I see a piece of paper laying on my bed.

I hurriedly grab the paper and unfold it.

Little Raven, I'm so sorry I haven't given you much time these days. But I promise I will. I know you have a day off tomorrow, so I have taken it off too. Rest early so we can do whatever you want tomorrow. I have left your favourite burger in the fridge. Please eat before you go to bed.

Love Aya.

I crumpled the piece of paper and held it against my chest. What have I done? I have worried Aya too. I cannot do this to Aya. I head to the tiny kitchen by the living area and take out the burger from the fridge. I warm it up for a while, before I try and gobble everything in. When I first had this burger, it tasted like the most delicious food in the whole world. But now it tastes vile.

Tears flood my cheeks as I force myself to swallow it but when I think I'm done; it rises back up my throat. I run to the washroom, my head on the toilet bowl as I empty my stomach of its content. That vile taste mixed with my own, attacks my sense of taste. I stay there for a while before I stand up and clean the mess I made. I throw the rest of the burger. "I'm sorry Aya." I whisper as I do so.

Then I take another short cold shower to make myself feel alive and head to bed. But I'm more awake than in the morning as I lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. I watch as light streams into the room through the tiny tinted window when a car passes by. It moves from one corner of the room to the other until it eventually fades. Tonight, I just stare blankly at what could have been a dotted black blue sky, had I slept on a branch of a tall tree, underneath the vast sky, hidden completely in the woods. I think of what life once used to be. What I once used to be.

When tomorrow comes, I'm going to be the same old Raven that I used to be. I'm not going to worry Aya any more than I already have. Once I hear the front door being opened and the hushed voices of the three, I turn to my side, so my back was facing Aya's empty bed.

I closed my eyes and willed myself to lose my conscious before I had to face Aya. I felt Aya into the room and a warm blanket on top of me. She lightly brushed my hair before I completely lost to sleep. But a smile softly played along my lips for the first time since I came home?