Infatuated ~ Mattheo Riddle x OC

Chapter 10

(Tw: Self-Harm)

"I did," the words slipped from my mouth.

His eyes widened, and there were mixed emotions on his face. Shock, horror, confusion.

"Why?" he asked the dreaded question.

"Because I deserve it." I replied.

"Can you explain?" Mattheo asked, "Why do you deserve it?"

"Because," I answered, "I'm stupid and ugly and no one likes me. I'm just insignificant and I don't matter. Everyone's right, I should disappear and end everyone's suffering. No one wants me, so why am I still here? I just don't have the guts to do anything about it."

Mattheo was silent, appalled at what I said.

"Amaya, how often do you hurt yourself?"

"Almost everyday."

"Where is it?"

"What?"

"Where is the knife. The one you use."

I kept my mouth shut as long as possible before I blurted, "It's in the b-"

Then it wore off. I could move again. I didn't have to tell the truth.

I walked up to Mattheo and slapped his face. "Why would you do that? Those are my thoughts, my secrets. You paralyzed me and forced me to tell you! What is wrong with you?"

"I-I'm just trying to help you Amaya. I need to know these things so I can help you." Mattheo told me, looking into my eyes with guilt.

"I don't want your help!" I yelled.

"Please. I want you to be okay. I care about you. I need you to be okay," he looked into my eyes as he spoke, "Let me help you. Please tell me, where is your knife?"

I ran into the bathroom and locked the door, leaning up against it, crying.

"Open the door. Please open the door." Mattheo begged from outside, but I wasn't giving in.

I scrambled over to the cabinet and pulled out a wooden box. Hot tears dripped onto the box.

I opened the box to reveal a small, bloody knife.

I grasped the knife tightly and dug the blade into my soft flesh, and I saw the dark red blood run. I felt the cool metal dig under my skin. I watched it flow down my arm, dripping onto the floor.

I could barely see, my eyes were clouded with tears.

I sunk the knife back in, creating a larger gash. The blood poured from my wound.

I then threw the knife into the box and slammed it shut, throwing it back into the cabinet.

"Amaya, open the door, please," Mattheo begged, "I'll do anything just please."

I quickly grabbed a towel and dried my arm, trying to make sure that Mattheo didn't see.

I opened the door and walked out of the bathroom.

"Happy?" I asked, resentment in my words.

He was staring at my arm. I glanced down and saw that my shirt had blood dripping through.

"Sh!t," I mumbled, walking back into the bathroom and getting another towel. I walked back into the main part of the dorm, hiding my arm from Mattheo.

"Amaya, you didn't..." Mattheo trailed off, looking at me. I remained silent, avoiding his gaze.

"Tell you didn't." Mattheo begged.

"Tell me you didn't do it!" he started to yell, "Tell me you didn't! Please!"

He stormed into the bathroom, making a lot of noise. He rummaged through draws and cabinets until he came across the box. He opened it to see my knife, with fresh blood still dripping off it's blade.

"Why! Why did you do it!" he screamed at me.

I started to cry, and curled up in the corner, scared, with my head buried in my legs. Mattheo yelling reminded me of the boys in the orphanage, except the yelled for different reasons.

"Hey, hey I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I just don't want you doing that to yourself, okay? I hate it when the people I care about get hurt. Please, never do that to me again." Mattheo whispered in my ear, sitting next to me. Did he say he cared about me?

"You know I can't let you do this again." Mattheo told me.

"So you'll take my knife?" I asked, knowing that I could always get another one.

"Yes, but not only that. I know you can get another knife and just start doing it again. So I need to give you a bit of motivation." he grabbed my wooden box.

I looked at him with confusion, and he had a strange look on his face. Like he was about to do something he knew I wouldn't like, but he had to.

He took out the knife and rolled up his sleeve. I took a sharp breath and tried to pry the knife from his hands, begging him to stop.

"I can't do that. Whatever you do to yourself, I do to myself. I'm sorry, but I have to do this to make sure you don't hurt yourself. If this is the price, then so be it." he looked at me, with pity in his eyes.

He was too strong. He took the knife and cut his own skin with it.

I looked away, furious he would do that. I know that it's stupid, but I hate it when other people hurt themselves, but I like to do it to myself. I know, I know, it's weird and selfish and doesn't make sense.

But one thing I know: it's my fault he did it. If I hadn't done it, he wouldn't have. Merlin, I'm a horrible person. It's all my fault. I made him do it. It's because of me.