Infatuated ~ Mattheo Riddle x OC

Chapter 6

(Tw: Self-Hate/Insecurities/Panic Attack/Suicidal Thoughts)

I groaned silently, praying that he wouldn't notice me. I slowly turned around to walk out, being so careful not to make a lot of noise. I kicked myself, hard, when the floorboards creeped underneath my feet.

Shit.

"You can come out. I know you're here," an annoying voice called.

I froze, unable to move my legs to carry me away from this hell. I was silently screaming at my legs to start running, but to no avail.

I looked over my shoulder to come face to face with said annoying voice, "Why hello there."

I groaned, "Leave me alone."

"You're the one who snuck up on me and was spying on me." Mattheo retorted.

"Not true! I was just walking around and I saw you, and I tried to leave to avoid you and this conversation!" I yelled back.

"Someone's frustrated." his mouth formed an "o".

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!" I felt an overwhelming anger boiling up inside of me. I've been suppressing this anger for so long, and I just couldn't handle it anymore. Why did I just yell at him?

Mattheo's eyes widened, seeming to look at mine, but I didn't care. I couldn't even handle anything anymore. I felt angry tears flood from both of my eyes simultaneously. I couldn't take this bullsh!t anymore. This little b!tch has been getting on my nerves for days, and now I'm actually crying in front of him? What is wrong with me. I'm such an idiot and no one likes me and no one cares about me and it's just like Draco said. I am just a filthy mudblood that doesn't matter. Would anyone notice if I disappeared? My own parents didn't care enough to give me a name. I'm just a freak, and I will never be good enough.

My chest got heavy, and I couldn't breathe. I start to feel my whole body tremble, my breathing becoming quick and shallow. If felt like I couldn't get enough oxygen into my lungs. I gasp for air as the tears on my face branch out like small rivers, flowing off the tip of my chin. Head pounding, heart racing, breathing uncontrollable. My chest is aching due to lack of oxygen. I felt so faint, like I was about to pass out.

My body slumped onto the ground, and I hugged my knees into my chest. I rocked back and forth in an attempt to calm myself but it wasn't working.

I felt a presence next to me, sitting next to me. I forgot Mattheo was here. He was on the ground next to me and rubbed my back with a soft and gentle hand. He just sat there, rubbing my back and looking at me. For some reason, the calmed me down a bit.

After about 20 minutes, of just sitting in silence after I calmed down, I stood up and tried to walk out, but I could barely walk, my legs were still shaking so bad.

So I sat back down and slumped against a wall.

"Are you okay?" Mattheo asked after sitting in silence for a few minutes.

"Yeah," I croaked, my voice hoarse.

"What happened," he asked, his voice actually sounded soft and soothing.

"I don't want to talk about it, especially with you," I snapped back at him. I can't let anyone know what I actually feel. They won't care, but would just bully me more. No one can no, especially him.

It's hard to explain how I know. Based off my observations in the last few days, he doesn't seem like the soft, understanding type. I mean, he did help me, but I can't trust him. He'll probably tell everyone and make my life even more unbearable.

"I just helped you, in case you didn't notice," his voice got tougher and more angry.

"No offense, but I don't trust you," I replied, visibly getting aggravated again.

"Okay, okay. I get it. It's okay." he replied, trying to get me to calm down.

"Just leave me alone," I told him, walking out of the astronomy tower.

Why was he trying to 'help' me? Was he trying to use me? Hurt me? Make fun of me? I don't know. I do know, that I don't care. Maybe I deserve everything bad that's happening to me. Maybe I should be punished. Maybe I should get hurt. Maybe everyone would be better off without me.

Would anyone actually notice if I disappeared?

A/N:
Heavy chapter, I know. I'm so sorry if it was too heavy, or triggering or anything else.

Just remember that you are worth it. You are beautiful/handsome just the way you are and you should love yourself. I know it's hard, but try to see how amazing you are. Take care of yourself, you deserve it.