Lovers

Ch. 24: All These Things That I've Done

All These Things That I've Done- The Killers

When there's nowhere else to run. Is there room for one more son. One more son. If you can hold on, if you can hold on, hold on. I want to stand up, I want to let go. You know, you know, no you don't, you don't. I want to shine on in the hearts of men. I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand."

-

Dawn P.O.V.

I'm dying on the inside, waiting to implode as soon as I exit Jake's apartment. What am I doing? How can I save him when I can't even hold myself together. I'm juggling everything in one hand, and the other is keeping his fingers between mine. How can I preach to him when I can't follow my own rules?

I can't give up on myself, but I can't give up on him. Not when his lifeline is connected with mine.

I could have ended myself if he were to go through with it. Not right away. It would be a few days of numbness or pure shock. Starting with denial, crying until I lost my breath. The tears would be never-ending.

His glasses knocked off his face, his soulless emeralds turning to a swamp of death. His skin running cold. The foam of his mouth mixed with the blood that poisoned him.

I wouldn't be able to erase those images running through my head. I would sit in his bedroom, the AC turned on high, naked from a cold shower, staring aimlessly at a wall, hoping to reach his same temperature. Because maybe he could be that cold and still be alive somewhere.

Stop it. Stop the scenarios. Stop the darkness. He didn't do the unthinkable. Those images never existed. He may not be alive mentally, but he's breathing, and that's all I can count on right now. As I turn into my campus, I get a call from an old friend.

My eyes and ears of home. I needed to start my investigation with Dawson, and it had to be now, or I knew I would never get anywhere with so little facts.

"What's the news?" I ask, trying to mask my less of a happy tone.

"Well," Reese's older brother, Derek, starts, "he still lives here if that's what you're asking. He didn't get accepted to any colleges, and he still works at Pizza Hut." I texted Derek last night to be my eyes and ears again. First, it was JC, and that may not have ended well, but now I'm smarter, and I won't leap for Dawnson so quickly. I need evidence because it t can't just be my word and Serena's. I need names and stories for me to spread. And if there isn't any, then this will be a lot harder than I thought to pin down a rapist.

"Colleges? Wasn't he like star quarterback or something?"

"Yeah, well, we both saw he was still on crutches during graduation. They wouldn't allow a broken player to play now, would they? What I heard was he was going down a bender. So far, that's all I got. I haven't seen him all summer."

"Hm."

"What're you cooking up, Rivers?"

"I don't know yet. But I'm trying to pin him down for allegations that I can't disclose."

"You're meaning tell me that I'm doing all the work with no tea."

"It's not really tea, Derek; this is life. Dawson did fucked up things to a person I know and to me."

"How long ago were these said allegations made?" He asks.

"Freshmen year. Were you friends with him then?"

"Of course. He saw I was the biggest guy and put me under his wing. Rather be my friend than in enemy."

I turn into my college campus parking lot. "What do you know about Serena Lopez and him?"