Lovers

Ch 36: All Apologies

All Apologies- Nirvana (MTV Unpluggled version)

"I wish I was like you, easily amused. Find my nest of salt, everything is my fault."

Jake POV

Terry doesn't know much about our grandmother, leaving us at a new dead end. I know what I have to do, but I don't have any energy to face my Uncle. Besides, he is probably off on his way to his honeymoon. A part of me is happy about it because he will not fully enjoy the vacation. His mind will race until we speak next. I know this much because my Uncle is just like my father. They can't let things go, but he is also the type to not reach out first unless it's to his benefit. So fuck it, let him simmer in agony as he takes a sip from his $5 cocktail at the three-star hotel he got for him and Gen because he is a cheapass.

I feel remorse for my new aunt. She is caught in a terrible web of lies and traffic of drama, but she had to have some idea what kind of man my Uncle was. She said it herself in the vows; he wasn't perfect, and yet she wanted him.

I see a pattern within love. We all want something that we shouldn't have or deserve. Gen deserves better, and on paper, she shouldn't be with Jeff, yet she chooses to look past his flaws. It's hard not to compare Dawn and I's relationship to this mold. I was a toxin for Dawn, sucking her dry of life. And Dawn somehow still stuck around and fought through the chaos. I've changed, but so has she.

She may see it as a good thing. Perhaps she feels we have both changed each other for the better. From an outsider's perspective, they would think otherwise. We would fight over the dumbest of things. Over jealousy, hate, control... but somehow we couldn't shake each other. Somehow my obsession for her affection could not dwindle; even though I knew it was wrong, I still wanted this type of love. All-consuming, maddening love that burns everywhere on the skin.

Why is it that we yearn for imperfect love? I think because there is a slight chance that it could be right. All of the yelling and screaming means something.

It's that small percentage that something so horrid can be so fucking beautiful and magical, bone crunchingly genuine, and I've never felt this before. I swear that one percentage means everything, and the fact that I can hold onto it-- shows the impossibility of failure because I won't give up on this love. Not for a second.

"Babe?" Dawn breaks me out of my deep impending thoughts.

"Hm?" I hum, hoping that one percent of perfection can turn to two.

"You missed the turn three lights that way." She points behind us.

I roll my eyes, secretly happy my shades are on from my annoyance. I'm annoyed with myself, not at her. Nevertheless, I make a U-turn in the next intersection.

"You always zone out when you are driving, have you noticed?"

"Yeah, I don't know," I mumble.

"Okay, what's wrong?" She leans over, hovering her hand over mine on the middle console.

"Hmm?" I turn to her; my brows rise from her bewilderment.

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about," her playful scowl is so adorable. Hopefully, it doesn't become a serious one. "Best fess up." Her fingers tickle my knuckles, and I snatch my hand from hers before a giggle escapes my lips.

"Nothing, I just know we have to be apart for a few days to get all our drama sorted. You and your mission. JC and the Underground. Your school work. My missing half-sibling. You meeting with this girl Isa, my lying Uncle. I want to do it all together, but it's a bit impossible."

"I know," she sighs, "but we can't tackle everything at once. Once we get everything solved, we will have more time together. Besides, I'm on my forced period from the pill, so I'm feeling a bit lightheaded."