Lovers

Ch. 9: A BOY IS A GUN

A BOY IS A GUN: Tyler, The Creator

"How come you the best to me? I know you the worst for me. Boy, you sweet as sugar, diabetic to the first degree. My spidey sensies, got me on the fencies."

Jake P.O.V.

Murder on my mind, murder on my mind, looks like it's my time.

I never thought I would be the type of person to depend on someone for my survival. I don't mean in the sense of living, like food, water, clothing, or shelter. I mean that without Dawn, there is no reason for me to live, and that terrifies me. What is my purpose if not with her? What does my future hold? I never saw it, not even with Dawn.

I never dreamt that I would ever go to college after high school. Part of me always thought I wouldn't make it either from the Underground's demise or myself. Either way, I was killing myself. But somehow, I decided to stick around in life, for no particular reason except to fuck as I pleased and fight for pleasure.

Dear Brother,

You have now found my body lifeless. I've saved up five thousand dollars so you can get help for paying the rent these next few months. Better yet, blow it up. I don't care. Cheers. I would say I love you, but we don't say those types of things, right?

I was 16 and depressed as fuck when I wrote that note, and I intended to do something that could have altered time. I kept putting it off. Wanting to fight more fights, gain popularity and meaning in the Underground, and in some twisted way, the Underground saved me. Without the driven ego, it gave me; I would be 6 feet under. That's why I stuck to the Underground for so many years.

I always knew it wouldn't last, not for long.

Then I sat next to a girl in school who I long forgot about. Her mouth opened the noise I yearned to fill my static, and the rest is history. I avoided every which way not to feel anything about her. Dawn Rivers? She? Oh yeah, she's that uptight bitch in my class.

"Yeah, I heard she was talking smack," Kelsey says closely into my ear, as her arms wrapped around my shoulders. We were headed out to the dugout. Almost every day, we would go there, and she would blow me. I had no regrets doing such things. I didn't mind it really; she was the one who initiated the blowing. She wanted me to fuck her, but she would have to earn that right. She was too easy. I had to admit I liked the chase, not too long, but at least to have a bit of fun. So I let her work. That day I couldn't focus. It was the day after Dawn confronted me after school the first time. I couldn't wrap my head around the obsession. I didn't call it that back then. It was a problem. She was a problem that I wanted to avoid at all costs, but even with my cock inches deep in a mouth, I couldn't let myself get consumed with anything but those godly fierce crystal eyes piercing in my head.

I look down at Kelsy for a second, before pulling her shoulders to stand on her feet. Slobber was across her chin, and I couldn't help but wipe away her mouth to save herself the embarrassment. I zip my pants back up before saying, "You're not doing it for me."

She frowns at my words, trying to hold me down the bench.

"Come on Jake, were just having fun."

"No, you are. I'll call you," I say before getting from Kelsey's grasp. My long strides carry me out of the dirt.

"Jake Dennings! You were supposed to give me a ride home." She begins to squeal, but I was already too far for her to catch up to me.

-

Now I'm driving on the highway towards Pomona. Dawn's sitting next to me, determination clear on her face. I don't know what she is trying to accomplish. But since knowing her, Dawn is the type of person who doesn't give up easily, no matter the consequences. She doesn't see a future with us, so she'd rather try to create some sort of friendship. I could have sworn she was joking when she inferred this idea last night. How can we start as benefits turned to lovers, to.. to just friends? It's madness, and it makes no sense! I feel like my head might explode if I continue to dwell any further.