Lovers

Ch 11: All the Good Girls Go to Hell

"All the good girls go to hell. 'Cause even God herself has enemies. And once the water starts to rise. And heaven's out of sight. She'll want the devil on her team."

all the good girls go to hell- Billie Eilish 

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For the most part, Ronnie keeps quiet, leaving me to my thoughts. My front is beginning to wear down, and apart of me wants to back out of this confrontation.

I asked for this, so I must go through it. This is the new me. Where I go in headfirst, and I make the rules. I've been controlled by fear and tyranny from my father, Ledger, I will not be with JC.

I don't know how long it's been since I've been standing in place, but the bottoms of my feet begin to sting when the hallway door opens. Footsteps drag from where Jake turned the corner. As the steps grow louder, Ronnie peaks his head down the hall, giving a slight nod.

"Did it go as planned?"

"Yes," I hear Jake's voice. I look up to him once he turns the corner where I stand.

His glasses are off. His eyes not trying to search for mine, only looking at the floor in front of me. "He has agreed to talk to you."

I sigh out in relief. I try to connect our eyes, but he doesn't allow me, only looking at the ground or at Ronnie. "Come along." He says.

I move my stiff legs from my spot, as Jake proceeds to walk down the same hall. Ronnie is close behind.

My sweat on my palms begin to chill, and I'm becoming more and more nervous. I haven't planned out exactly as to what I'm going to say to JC, but I know my goal.

If Jake and I were together now, he would console and comfort my stress. Be the voice of reason. He does nothing now, letting me simmer in my head. He has to know the level of stress I'm enduring, that's why he chooses not to look at me in the eye. This is boundaries for both of us, but a friend can console another. I do not wish us to be complete strangers.

We reach the end of the hall, where the door is cracked. Lights are bright inside. Before Jake opens the door, I grasp his loose jacket by his sleeve. He stops from turning the knob, letting himself peer at my sunken eyes. I badly want him to tell me everything that I've been yearning to hear, it will be okay, but I know he won't. He doesn't know for sure if we will be.

"Ronnie and I will be in the room with you," He tries to comfort. I don't loosen my grip on him. I don't know what I want him to do or say, but I feel the need to touch him in some way. He raises the hand, twisting his wrist, so I release it.

I do so reluctantly, feeling embarrassed that I latched out him like that. I need him as much as he needs me, and it's prevalent.

There about ten or so men in the room. It's lightly lit, but enough for them to see the other. Chatter is amongst the crowd, and it does not cease when we enter. But one of the men turns to the entrance.

Jake tilts his head to the side, "carry on." Jake mutters.

The man turns back again. Jake narrows his eyes before looking down back to me. He gestures a nod towards the other side of the room. I look briefly, noticing a desk with scattered papers. JC sits there patiently, staring at the three of us.

My worry eyes attain to Jake's, but he says nothing still. He walks away from Ronnie and me to the group of men behind. The conversations stop, once Jake enters their vicinity.

Ronnie shuffles right next to me, pushing my arm to signal my movement. I talked a big talk, now I have to navigate my anxiety to a comfortable position. I sigh deeply before turning towards JC's office space. I feel like I'm walking with slow strides, but before I know it, I'm right in front of his desk. Ronnie stays a few feet behind me.