Infidelity

Part 2: love and lies (28)

My room is filled with sunlight and the scent of who we were last night. I look at his closed eyes deep in slumber...

This is not love but I can't help but wonder...

What if I did love him?
Why am I not able to do so?
Isn't he deserving of it?

Yes, I give my body to him. It's my therapy but he gives so much more. We agreed to 'no strings attached' and no mushy feelings but why do I always feel like I should be giving more.

There's a tug in my heart every time he looses himself to me and in me. But I'm just an empty shell who sees him as quick fix to numb my pain and my problems.

"What are you thinking about?" His "just woken up" voice riles me up and flashes of yesterday's memories run wild in my head.

Self control!

My subconscious has been on full duty 24/7 these days. I guess I've been making really bad decisions these days but F* it who cares.

I do!

I roll my eyes at her.

"Last night" I fake a smile.
"What about last night?"

Ooh that voice. I think I'm going to be late for work.

"Everything. Our own little edition of beauty and and the beast," I say as I'm getting off the bed.

I've gotten used to getting naked around him.

"Do you want part 2." His eyes have a devilish look and that grin wins me over everytime.

"Join me in the shower."
"Your wish is my command"

***

After a very steamy shower, I get ready in front of him and I can hear his hitched breath even though he's trying very hard to conceal it.

"Where are you going anyway?" He asks me when I'm done and he's finally caught his breath.

"Work." I roll my eyes.
"You know you don't have to work. I can take care of you."

Not this again.
It's what you signed up for

I brush her off.

"The how am I going to pay you back." My tone isn't short of sarcasm.

"You don't have to."
"I want to."

"I don't like how that boy drools over you."
"That boy, gave me the opportunity to do my articles so I can be a lawyer...officially." this is really annoying.

"I can do that for you, too" he breathes
"I'm guessing not very much legally. I thought we spoke about this. I feel like you're trying to attach the strings."

"What are you doing today, you up for some dinner after work?"

Typical man. A professional at changing the subject. I don't mind it though. I don't need the guilt.

"Yeah that's cool," I say to him.
"I'll drive you."

I don't argue with him.

Just as we're about to leave the door opens and it's my best friend Sphesihle.

"You have to do something about that." He whispers.
"She's my friend. my bestie," I say through gritted teeth.

She finally catches a good glimpse of us and I don't really want to find out what's in her mind.

I've been doing a really good job at keeping this under wraps. I don't how I completely forgot that my friend has a key to my place.

It's the good-good

My subconscious winks at me and I honestly don't have the energy for her cheeky comments.

"If I didn't know better I'd swear you're more than friends, you're touching her again 🎵🎶" she sings like all is well in the world.

"Hello to you too Sphesihle." He's upset and I can't find my words.

"Hello Keletso, Africa. How are you on this very glorious morning." She's very chirpy and it's way too much for my liking.

"Fine." Keletso's very curt.
"Why so grumpy on a glorious morning, Keletso?"

Her innuendos are really starting to get on my nerves.

"I'm not grumpy, there's a stench in the air."
"You know Sandile uses this fragrance, I'll ask him about it for you." She bats her eyelids and he fumes.

She has really done it now.

"I don't have time for this." He marches towards the door.
"Just so you know, you're only here because I vouched for you."

"Thanks!" He nods at me before slamming the door.

"I just lost my ride to work" I squint at her.
"Wow I thought you were mute. All that screaming must..."

"No!" I shut her down
"What, am I lying? Does Sandile know?"

"It's non of his business." I shut her down again.
"How did you hook up?
"At the club where we had my graduation party. He got in after you left me alone."

"Hello, pregnant lady coming through!" She shouts.

"About that, does Thabang know?" I ask sincerely.
"None of his business."

Right back at you.

"So what about school?" I ask her.
"Professor Dunford said he'll cover for me."

"That sounds nice."
"Nice? He should take responsibility for his baby!"

Scandalous! Even my subconscious is shook.

"Sphe!"
"What?! I was having a tough time. Thabang broke my heart and so..."

"You put your legs on his shoulders." I've put on my judgemental tone.

"Hello kettle, I'm pot. Wanna get high? Can we talk about your friend with benefits. My situation is boring. I must say he's giving stalker vibes though" she rants.

"Okay. We hooked up on graduation night. He got me a gift in the morning but he didn't really have to." I wink at her.
"Girl you need Jesus."

"Yeah we'll pray on the way. I'm already late."
"Your boss likes you. Damn all these men like you."

We giggle all the way downstairs and I find myself feeling glad that she came even if it's under awkward circumstances.