Finding Happiness

chapter 99

Riley and Lucas re entered the kitchen, they both didn't say a thing when they noticed Sebastian was gone. Lucas noted how stressed Noah looked so he decided not to ask to many questions.

The three of them ate in silence until Noah spoke up "so Sebastian and I will probably be busy when you get home so you can get yourselves something on the way home if you want" Noah said.

"Are you going to talk to father" Lucas asked as it was rare that they both were out, Noah was often home before them.

Noah shot him a dark look, his anger wasn't directed at Lucas but it was at the mention of their father. "No" he said darkly as murderous thoughts were gathering in his mind, he would love to kill his dad if he had the chance.

"Okay" Lucas couldn't even meet his brothers eyes, Noahs tone was that scary to him.

Noah realized and looked over at Riley hoping it didn't trigger her in a way, she didn't look to be paying attention.

"Riley" Noah said in a gentler tone.

"What is it" Riley anwsered.

Noah realized she had zoned out and didn't hear a thing and it concerned him. "Lucas can you go find Sebastian and bring him his breakfast please" Noah said and Lucas took this as his cue to leave. "Oh and Lucas if he's in his room or office knock and wait till he lets you in" Noah added not wanting Lucas to accidentally walk in on him cutting. Lucas nodded and grabbed the plate of food left for Sebastian, he found it strange what Noah had told him. Of course the brothers often knocked but it was also rare they did.

"You zoned out Riley, what were you thinking about" Noah asked concerned.

"Nothing I just didn't want to listen to you" Riley shrugged

"Well if that's the case, will you listen now" Noah replied, Riley reluctantly nodded.

"I know this is all new to you and you are feeling alot of stuff at the moment, maybe it's otherwelming so you're lashing out, but I've spoken to Sebastian and he's concerned. I know you don't want him in your life but by law he has to be involved.  I know you didn't want to see a doctor but Sebastian and I believe if you just got to know a doctor, one session, you can ask her questions and you don't have to share anything" Noah said.

"I don't need a doctor" Riley said not wanting to see a doctor.

"Well in that case how about you see the doctor and let her tell us you don't need one, just for peace of mind then we won't talk about doctors again"

"No"

Riley's tone was panicky this time which concerned Noah.

"Ok will you tell me why not, it will help me understand how you feel if I know why" Noah asked.

"I just...don't like them okay" Riley looked down.

"You have been to one before though, didn't everything go okay" Noah asked shuddering at her reason.

"It did but Sebastian was there" Riley whispered.

"Well Sebastian can go with you again if you want" Noah suggested.

"No. He can't come" Riley quickly said.

"Ok, correct me if I'm wrong but there seems to be a bigger issue than just your hate towards Sebastian"

Riley didn't reply and Noah knew at this point he was right.

"You can tell me Riley, I can maybe help"

"I...I can't trust him"

Noah was a little taken back by this, throughout their childhood despite Sebastian's cold and emotionaless persona, both brothers trusted him.

"Can I know why" Noah asked.

"Because he won't protect me, he sees me as a burden, he doesn't care, he's just....if I get on his nerves he will leave, what if he lets them get me. What if he hurts me himself, what if he....what if he...he becomes like Kevin" Riley finally broke and it was heart breaking to see. Noah wrapped his arms around her and hd her tight. She cried into his chest "don't tell him, he will get annoyed"

"I won't tell him but I think maybe you should talk with him, it will help these feelings" Noah said trying his best to comfort her.

"No. I don't just not trust him I hate him. I don't want to be around him" Riley tried to move away so Noah reluctantly let her go.

"Riley do you hate him or do you fear him, you said it yourself, you think if you get on his nerves he will leave, you think yourself to be a burden, I think it's fear" Noah said.

"I don't fear him, I just hate him, I don't trust him"

"You fear him becoming like Kevin though" Noah pointed out.

"No I don't. I was wrong, he's already hurt me, he's already like Kevin"

Riley couldn't have said this at a worser moment because Sebastian walked in with a half empty plate and he was devastated at what he heard. He kept up his emotionless mask up though.

"Sebastian" Noah said in suprise.

Riley turned to face him and she glared at him making Sebastian roll his eyes "I'm so afraid" he muttered sarcastically as he out his plate in the sink and gave it a quick wash.

"Oh please don't stop on my account, I believe Riley was going to list the reasons I'm like Kevin and obviously why she hates me" Sebastian spoke, after Noah and Riley didnt speak.

Noah sighed, he knew despite Sebastians tone, he was being self destructive, he wanted someone to tell him what he already thought himself to be.

"Riley has school" Noah said not wanting them both to get hurt.

"Fine" Sebastian said.

"I hate you Sebastian, I wish you never agreed to let me live here, I wish you were never my brother" Riley snapped.

Sebastian turned at this "and why do you wish that"

"Guys I don't think it's best" Noah tried. He knew what Sebastian was doing and he feared that he would also say some destructive comment to Riley and Riley would get hurt.

"Why don't you leave Noah" Sebastian said.

"No" Noah replied.

"It wasn't a suggestion"
Noah was hesitant but he knew Sebastian would just get angry and possibly take his anger out on Riley through words.

Noah left. He regretted leaving but maybe they would make up. It was wishful thinking and he highly doubted it but maybe now that she had opened up a little to him, she could do the same with Sebastian.