Finding Happiness

chapter 28

Riley.

I woke up feeling something next me. I freaked out at first because I knew what it was.

A body.

Someone was next to me. I carefully looked over and saw Sebastian which I instantly relaxed. It was just Sebastian after all. He was still asleep and for the first time since I saw him he didn't look like he was planning a murder or just plain cold. Even though he was a big softie and he would genuinely smile. It was easy to spot how he could snap in a second if he really wanted to. Knowing I was safe and Sebastian wasnt a threat I laid back down for more sleep but then I felt his arms go round me so I looked at him once more and his relaxed face had turned into a face full of pain. He held me tighter as his expression worsened.

I didn't know what to do, do I wake him or not. After much consideration I gently put my hand on his shoulder "Sebastian wake up" I give him a nudge as I speak. Suddenly he grabs my wrist, removing my hand from himself and his eyes snap open.
He looked at me then his hand and he let go straight away. I looked and saw a small bruise forming, he must have noticed too as the guilt in his face was clear.
"I did that. I hurt you. I'm the worst brother ever" his voice tore me apart. His vulnerability and guilt right now was huge so much that it hurt me to see him like this.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" he whispered repeatedly.
"It's okay Sebastian, you didn't mean it. You were asleep" I tell him as I truly didn't feel he owed me an apology.

I had enough nightmares to know what one looks like and he definitely had one. He wasn't aware of what he was doing and I knew grabbing my wrist was just out of instinct and a reflex.
"I don't care if I was asleep, I still hurt you" he said, he was angry with himself now.
"I fucking hurt my baby sister" he muttered and got up.
"Sebastian I promise its okay" I try to reassure him but it was obvious he didn't believe me.
"I..." He paused and shook his head slightly "I'll let Noah know you're not going to school" he says and I smile "thank you Sebastian. He nods, the guilt still on his face when he left.
I knew that I'll be here most of the day but I still went and got ready for the day. Lifting my top up I see faint bruises where he grabbed and held me. I know he didn't mean it so I quickly changed and forget it.

Sebastian

His voice rang in my ears as I walked to my room to quickly change.

"You are a monster. You are nothing to me, you are nothing to your brothers. Don't think about saying no again or I will kill you next time"

He was right

I was a monster. I hurt my own sister. It was an accident. I felt a hand touch my shoulder and I thought it was him.

He plagued my sleep most nights but now it was different. Now I hurt her when I was suppose to protect her.

I remember the dream clearly, Dad tried to hurt Riley but I wouldn't let him have her, I had held her not wanting dad to get her but when he couldn't get her he had insulted me calling me a monster and stuff .

He was right though because that hand turned out to be Riley's and now she had a bruise.

Trying to forget I quickly change into one of many suits except I don't bother with the tie. I was going to stay off work today because there is no way I'm letting Riley be home alone but after this morning I doubt she will want me around so I will give Noah the day off.

"Noah you don't need to work today" I tell him as I enter the kitchen. He was currently drinking coffee and reading. "why" he asked. "Riley needs the day off, she's not mentally okay at the moment" I explain expecting Noah to argue however he nods "okay" it was suprising because all the times she's been here instead of school he was pissed off. "Although I have to say I'm surprised you aren't taking the day off" I ignore this comment and poor myself a coffee. "I just need to work today" I lied, I really didn't, I had files to do and a few business meetings that could easily been done online if needed.
"Good morning my dearest brothers" we both turn our heads to Lucas who either did something or wants something.
"What did you do" I ask at the same Noah asks "what do you want"
"I was hoping to go out with friends after school"
Noah looks at me because it was my decision.
"Yeah just don't get drunk and no drugs" I tell him which both of them five shocked expressions.
I shrug it off though. The less time Lucas spends around me the better, no one wants to be near a monster.

"Morning" Riley walked in and the guilt grew.
"I should go" I hated that I was avoiding her, I knew it was wrong. But at the same time she shouldn't have to be around me.
"Why" she asks and I give her a knowing look. "Has he had breakfast" she asks Noah who shakes his head. "Then you are not leaving until you have breakfast" her voice was different to usual and i found myself doing what she said. "So cute, she's a mini Sebastian" Lucas said which Noah nodded "you're so right, it's adorable" only I didn't find it cute or adorable, I was a monster, I didn't want her to be like me.

"You're a monster"
"Do you think your brothers will love you after they find out"
"If you're mother saw you now she wouldn't want you, but obviously she doesn't because she left you"
"You are a dissapoinment"

His words echoed in my mind. The son of a bitch still caused me pain today. I hated him so much.