Crossing all the lines

Marry me

I remembered the delicious taste of her lips against mine, I remembered the temptation that filled me as her fingertips danced around my skin that night, I remembered her short, warm breath upon my flesh, I remembered her dilated eyes staring right into mine, I remembered her legs sliding between mine, creating a tension in the friction, I remembered her promises and her lies, I remembered the desire that took hold of both of us as we made love in secrecy. I remembered the love, the passion and the risks. But most of all, I remembered her saying she loved me tenderly. I just had to close my eyes and swing through my memories to see her again, but it wasn't the same thing anymore, because she wasn't there, at least, not totally, but I kept on visiting her, I kept on talking to her hoping it would bring her to waking up eventually.

Her husband well tried to put me out of her room more than once, but I didn't let him push me away, and as far as the doctors would understand his situation, they still understood mine as well, they thought I was a close friend of hers, which helped a little I guess. At least she wouldn't wake up to police men surrounding her for being with a minor all this time, far from her family. He never brought in their children, and that I could understand, he probably didn't want them to see their mother almost lifeless, because of me, because of what I was putting her through, the hiding, the risks, the danger. It was all my fault, and I wasn't sure I could live with it if she came to not waking up. Losing her was just an unbearable thought, and I couldn't bring myself to believe she could be gone forever. It was just purely impossible to consider. It started with a perfect kissing, and ended without me even being able to tell I loved her one more time.

I didn't return to school, I called in sick and of course, my understanding mother let me stay home for a while. Which gave me plenty of time to visit her. I had been out of the hospital three days after the accident, she, on the other hand, had been there for 6 days already, literally a week. And I was starting to fear the damages that her coma might have on her brain. Would she remember me? Would she be truly alive? Would she remember who she was? So many questions played in my mind, and I couldn't find any answers to those. Holding onto her hand, I let the tears fall, as every other day, and watched her, hoping to feel her fingers tighten around mine, hoping to see her eyes opening. But nothing happened. And I grew to be disconsolate. We didn't have enough time together, we didn't even had enough time for me to truly know her children, for us to live without being scared of being in trouble, we didn't get to dance together, we didn't get to be a couple without having to leave the town. We didn't get to be fully happy, and that thought killed me.

"I hope you'll remember how it was like to hold each other through the night. I hope you'll remember that I love you, and that I'd do anything for you. I'd leave if you asked me to, I'd stay all the same." I found myself smiling through my tears.

'Some people say that love is an undying feeling, that it goes beyond everything, universe, beliefs and more. I hope this is true, I hope for our love to survive to everything. Even this situation.'

Maybe I was naïve, maybe I was a fool, but I wanted to believe that she would wake up, that she would open her beautiful eyes and that she'd smile at me softly, I wanted to believe that she would say she loved me, even through the pain. I wanted to believe the woman I was in love with would come back to me. She was different, she was supposed to be from the very beginning, from the first day I saw her in class, to the last day I told her I wanted her. You know there was this soft side of her that kept my lungs breathing, and that seductive part of her that made my heart stop, both sides I cherished, both sides I craved for. Just one smile from her made my whole body go numb, just one stare from her made me blush hard and threw my heart in a race it was never sure to win. And then there was her touch, her gentle, careful touch that promised me everything. I missed her, I missed all of her.
And I wasn't sure if I could keep going knowing that she was still in her hospital bed. I didn't even know if she could hear me, I didn't even know if she felt anything.