Crossing all the lines

Coming back

She was back, after one week of hiding, she was finally back. And sure enough she was upset with me. She wouldn't smile, whether it was to me or to someone else, her jaw would remain tight and she wouldn't talk to me at all. I had tried to stay after class to explain myself but she had ran out the class as soon as the bell had rung, leaving me disconsolate. I didn't know why she was running away from me, she had asked me to wait for her, and sure enough I would, but I still needed to know we were fine, that her moods didn't have anything to do with us, if only there was an us. I had tried to smile at her, but it only got her to turn away from me. It felt like I just kept on calling her name yet she wouldn't aknowledge me. So I called Elle, hoping she'd know what was going on, and unfortunately, she had no idea. All she knew was that she was extremely worried and confused; at least that's what she had understood of the conversation her dad had had with her earlier this week. So I decided to bolden up, I would show up in her class when she least expected me to. It was a friday night, I knew she used to stay there late to grade her last papersheets. I knocked, and she allowed me to come in, probably thinking it would be another teacher. When she saw me her smile faded, as well as her whole face, it just closed itself, making it impossible for me to read it. Not even closing the door, I took a step toward her and stopped as she got obviously nervous.

"I just wanted to apologize for running out the other day. I didn't mean it, it was stupid and selfish. And I understand if you hate me now, but I want you to know that I'll keep on waiting for you, I won't give up. And maybe, just maybe you'll find the strength to forgive me for acting so childish. And I know you're upset and that you don't want to talk to me but I needed to see you. I've been dying without you here, I want us to be okay. I need you."

I knew she was probably thinking that I was crazy for coming onto her like that, but it needed to be done. And now that I had let her know about my feelings I felt better, way better. I knew she wasn't going to say anything, so I turned around and I left. She didn't call for me, she didn't grab my arm, nothing. She stayed there and watched me leave. It was probably for the best. Just the thought of her drove me wild, and she deserved to know that. As I reached home, I went for my bedroom instantly, listening to the saddest songs I knew. If only she could be there, if only she could let me in. We were both scared to be carefree, and I understood that perfectly, I just wished that for once, just for once, we'd had a moment that would be just for us, a moment when only us would exist. A moment during which I'd tell her how beautiful she was, and how much I loved her.