Crossing all the lines

Heart to heart

I read the lines with the depth of my heart, of my unknown, secretful feelings. The bus was going around London as the rain hit the windowpane, crushing my soul as well as this poem. Every word reflected the way I felt, and so far, it felt relieving, to know I wasn't the only one, to know there was someone out there who was feeling the same way, who was going through the same experiences. And somehow, it made me feel happier. And although I knew there was a slight chance for these words to be truly meaningful, to reflect the reality of my situation, I still held on the hope that these words would be heard, that they would be understood, and that somehow, she'd do something about those, if she was to ever hear them from my parted lips.

The end was the only part that I couldn't bear, that I couldn't agree with for I could never forget about her, not now, not ever. She was sinking into me in a way that nothing could ever erase her from my body, from my heart and mind. She had intoxicated every part of me, and I hoped that I enticed her just as much as she enticed me.

We were invited to get off the bus at some moment, leaving me to hide my new found book in my bag, I had bought it at the library the same morning as we had visited it. I had been mostly on my own as several students were listening to Mrs.Brown's analysis of Shakespeare. I, for myself, had found myself a curiosity for poets, mostly poems about love, about feelings I could share and understand. Leaving the bus I followed my mates into the restaurant we would eat in. It was surprisingly beautiful, with magical vibes. Lights were hanging from the ceiling in a rather mesmerizing way, enlightening the place with deep shades of light. Settling myself on a single table by myself, I took out my book and kept on reading, hoping no one would come and bother me.

The easiness with which the author was holding onto every word left me wondering whether or not he had truly felt those words towards someone, if he had actually been tormented by love, by someone who held within them the other part of his soul. I hope that he did, because if so, that meant I was just going mad, it meant that he, too, had once felt this way and that I wasn't as lonely as I thought I was. Looking up, I suddenly realized that someone was sitting right in front me. Not someone. Her. She was there, staring at me intently with her two deep wards. She was my angel and my demon, both stood inside my chest, fighting to possess me. Swallowing hard, I pulled the book into my bag and faced her with a wondering expression. Had she been staring for long? Why was she sitting with me? Why did she seem so intense?

"You think too much." She murmured, leaving me livid.

Right, I was easy to read. I should have known she'd see right through me. Fidgetting on my chair, I opened my lips to say something, but no words would come out. She made me speechless and I knew she was aware of that ability of hers.

"I could say the same thing about you." I replied , somehow bitterly, somehow playfully. I wanted her to know I meant it without the conversation being tensed. She smiled painfully and nodded before looking down at my meal.

"I chose this for you, hope you'll like it." Looking down, I saw lasagna, one of my favourite. Beaming, I looked up and nodded, thankful. How did she know about that? Surely Lia or Jake had told her somehow.

"Are you okay?" I couldn't help but ask, I needed to know, she had seemed so out of it lately, I wanted to be sure she was fine and safe. She didn't say anything, instead she grabbed my head and caressed it gently, making my skin shiver under her delicate touch. She loved to do that, to hold on my hand in an intimate way.

"Are we okay?" She whispered, never looking up. Smiling tenderly, I interlocked our fingers, so much for not being able to kiss her hand.

"We're okay." I stated, making her smile in pure relief.

She breathed out, obviously letting go of all the tension that had been running through her veins ever since I had ran out of that classroom.

Letting go of my hand, she let her gaze wander around, probably making sure no one had seen that exchange of ours. I understood why she was scared, I was scared too, but her love was warming me up. It helped me a lot not to think about how bad things could go, for both of us. But we had agreed on waiting, and I'd stick to this decision, for her.

"I've missed you." She confided, looking up into my eyes, making me crack a smile. She knew how to make me blush easily and so my cheeks turned red almost instantly, making her giggle beautifully. God did I miss the sound of her laugh.

"I've missed you too. Every day without you made me die internally." I whispered, hoping no one would hear us.

I wanted to grab her hand once more, but I wasn't sure she'd let me do it so I didn't. Biting my lower lip to contain myself, I watched as her gaze fell onto my mouth avidely, with thirst and want. Not lust, it wasn't that deep, but it was definitely there. I felt the tightrope break, and it felt good. It felt nice to be just us, the two of us sitting here under the lights of that restaurant. It felt perfect and beautiful. Everything I was dreaming of.

"I've never got to kiss you." She bit her own lip, making me turn a deeper shade of red.

So she was thinking about it too. I wasn't the only one.

"Please stop doing that. It just makes it harder for me not to capture your lips right now." She pleaded me, making me let go of my lip.

I didn't want to tease her, but knowing that I had some effect on her made my heart go wild.

"Don't let the storm slow you down." I breathed out, hoping she'd get my message.

She shook her head and laughed, making me smile at her in awe. She was so beautiful. She seemed to capture my intent gaze though as she stared into my eyes with pure love. This moment was special and I would keep it in my memory forever.

"You're making it really hard for me to resist you Madison." She started, I could tell there would be a but. It eventually came.

"But I cannot do this. Not now." I understood her reasons, yet I found myself being slightly disappointed.

I wanted London to bring us closer somehow, and it did, but not enough for her to make me hers. It may sound childish but having her kissing me would reassure me in a way. It would mean she wouldn't forget about me, it would mean she would hold onto that souvenir, it would mean everything.

"Someday. I promise you." She grabbed my hand to caress it once more , it was mostly a comforting gesture and I appreciated it.

Smiling, I nodded and proposed to start eating. Lunch went quite well, some other students joined us eventually, making my mood drop although Mrs.Brown would always make sure to look at me quite longer than the others. She was the sweetest. I hoped that maybe, just maybe, we'd be able to be alone again that day. That was all I wished for.