Crossing all the lines

Stutters

Weeks passed and I kept on feeling this inextinguishable need to see her. It was like a flame slowly arising within my stomach, desirable but dangerous. And I couldn't tell when it would finally stop, if it was to cease anyway. I stared from afar, blushing sometimes, smiling the following moment. She was the purest, the sweetest creature I had ever laid my eyes on. And the more I tried to fight this obvious attraction, the more I found myself enticed by her.

"Forget about her and find someone your age." Had said Jake, alltogether being friendly, he knew better than seeing me get hurt, and I knew he wanted to protect me, but how could I allow myself to pay attention to someone else when she was all I was thinking about, day and night.

"Maybe you should tell her how special she is to you, you know, get it out of your system." Had proposed Lia, and I had to admit that I thought about it, about just telling her how upset and happy she made me with her presence.

But how would she react? She'd probably freak out, and I didn't want that to happen, so I stayed quiet, and I kept suffering in silence, staying away in order not to find myself in an uncomfortable position. This last month had been a hell of a ride, and not only for me, she seemed different as well, between exhausted and bored. It seemed that her lessons didn't interest her anymore , she came early in the morning with a frown on her face and left late after classes with the same expression. Her smiles got more rare and light when they appeared on her lips. I wondered what was wrong with her, was it about us, about school, or was it more personal? I didn't know, but I knew I didn't like seeing her like that, she didn't deserve to be so unhappy. One day, she proposed us tutoring sessions after school in order to help us improve but really it only seemed to bother her. So I chose not to go while the others jumped on the occasion to spend more time with her as she was the most appreciated teacher here. Only later on , about two weeks later , I found my grades to be lower and lower. I knew I wasn't working as hard as I used to , and I knew it would only add to her sadness. That's why I decided to show up that evening. I wasn't the only one, which relaxed me somehow. David, Rose, Nathan and Julie were there too, chatting among themselves as I walked in, kind of expecting to see her face, but she wasn't there yet. I took a seat besides Nathan and grabbed my book and a pen, hoping for Mrs.Brown to show up quite quickly. And that she did. Closing the door behind her she let her eyes wander upon us. I quickly looked down and faked to write something on my papersheet. The truth was, she was still as intimidating to me and I didn't want to make a fool of myself.

"I see there's more of you guys today. Brilliant!" She started in a somehow joyful sigh.

I guess today had went better for her than the other days. I looked up eventually and saw her smile as she went through some sheets. She definitely felt better, I hadn't seen that smile in weeks. Smirking to myself, I looked at Nathan who seemed to be ready to learn, exercises spread all over his notebook. I had noticed how he had been paying more attention lately, which impressed me, I didn't think of him as the type of guy who would worry about his grades. Turning my attention back on the front of the class, I observed the redhead handing out papersheets. She placed one of my desk and returned to the front, writing something on the blackboard. We were going to talk about that book we were reading, Emma by Jane Austen. I didn't really like the book, it was full of complicated words and expressions I didn't understand. That was mainly why I was failing this semester. She talked about it for about half an hour then gave out some questions we had to think about. Chewing on my pen, I tried my best to focus and write the answers to the questions, but nothing seemed to come to my mind.

"Need some help here?" Her smooth voice echoed behind me, making me look up. There she was, proposing me her help. I should have said no, I know I should have, but all I did was nod. She seemed quite surprised as she took a chair to sit by my side. She glanced over at my paper, giving me enough time to notice her cute freckles on her cheeks. That made her look even more adorable.