Our Nanny is a Boy || bxb

43. Butterfly

When Peter arrived at Leah's grave, he slowly laid down the bouquet. The grave was very well maintained, he noticed. It was good to know that at least someone had visited Leah when he didn't. He suddenly felt bad for staying away for so long, neglecting his unofficial duties. For not even bothering to do such a simple thing as taking care of her grave. That was the least he could've done for her. He decided that from now on, he would get over his stupid self and visit her grave more often.

He rested his hand on the soil in which plants had been planted. 'Hi, Leah,' he said softly. 'It's me, Peter. Your Peter. I've finally come to meet you. I'm sorry that I couldn't come sooner. It's been a rough year without you and I didn't know how to cope with it, so I ran away, like a coward.'

He lifted his head to look at her name engraved in the headstone. Leah Grace Wilson. Born January 4, 1992. Passed away March 19, 2017. There was no way Peter could ever forget these two dates. The first when something beautiful came to this world and the day the earth took it back.

The pain was definitely still there, and Peter couldn't help letting out a sob. He sunk on his knees and hid his face in his hands, feeling the agony in his chest. He still couldn't face it, those cruel letters, carved into the white stone.

However, while he was crying, suddenly last night's dream resurfaced, and he saw Leah's smile again.

Leah was happy now. She wasn't suffering anymore. In those last months before her death, her body had drained her spirit. Her body had imprisoned her. But now, she was free.

When that realization hit him, the tears stopped falling, the pain in his chest gradually decreased and he was finally able to lift his head again.

'Was I selfish for wanting to keep you in this painful life?' he whispered. 'You suffered so much and I am just over here crying over the moment when you could finally break free from your cocoon and become a beautiful...'

He silenced at once, for in that instance, a butterfly caught his eye. It landed on a pink chrysanthemum from the bouquet Peter had brought. Peter intently watched as it opened and closed it wings before taking off again, graciously fluttering above the white stones, to the stark blue sky, to the bright faraway sun.

He realized he was holding back a breath and released. Is this... a sign? It must be a sign...

Another tear slid from his eye, but this time, it wasn't sadness.

______________________________________

He told Leah about everything that had happened in the past year. He poured out his entire heart to the cold stone, telling about the dark month right after, Felicia's lack of emotions, David's restlessness and his own sleeping issues. He told about Lindsey's departure, Robin's arrival, the dreams, the boy's positive impact on all three of them, his fascination for the stars, the secrets he had entrusted Peter with -it wasn't like the stone would tell anyone- and his own inner conflict.

'I know you would want me to move on,' he said, 'but isn't it too soon? It's only been a year, I've only just mustered up the courage to go here...'

He sighed. 'But on the other hand, there is no one who could possibly be a better dad to David and Felicia than him. I'm not saying I'm going to marry him anytime soon, but he truly loves them with all his heart, and they love him. He is so devoted to them and they are always so happy when he's there, you know, sometimes there are moments when I feel like they care about him more than they do about me.' He chuckled.

Then, he sighed again. 'I just wish I could still talk to you. You were always so good at giving advice. But then again I wouldn't even have to think about this if you were still here.'

He sat in silence for a while, turmoil in his head again. Then, he got up from the grass, his knees a bit stiff from kneeling for so long, stared at her name for one last time, but then he heard the ruffling of leaves on the ground, someone approaching. The sounds stopped nearby him and he turned to his side, looking her straight in the eye. The women he hadn't visited for way too long.

'Mother...'

_______________________________________

'It's been a while,' she stated.

'I know,' said Peter. 'And I am sorry.'

'How are Felicia and David?' she asked, ignoring his apology.

'They are doing well. Felicia is learning to read and David is just a cheerful toddler. They're in good health.'

'Good to hear,' she said. Her voice was monotone.

'Uh... and you, how about you?' he asked.

'Well, it was hard, the past year. Fortunately, my children have supported me throughout the way.'

Peter heard from her words that his absence had upset her. And she had every right to feel that way.

'I should have visited you,' he said.

'You should have.'

'I was absorbed by my grief, but still I should've been more responsible.'

'I would at least have liked to see my grandchildren every once in a while.'

'You can come over for dinner, if you want to,' he offered.

She considered it for a while, then nodded. 'Sure. I just want to be alone for a little while. Can you wait?'

It wasn't a question, but he nodded anyway, walking to the car.

_____________________________________

He just hung up the phone when Leah's mom arrived.

'Who were you talking to?' she asked.

'The nanny,' he said.

'You think a nanny can give them the love they need?'

'Robin loves and cares about them with his entire heart,' Peter said. 'So, yes, I think he can.'

'He? Your nanny is a boy?'

'Yes,' Peter answered. 'Our nanny is a boy.'

_____________________________________

It's the punchline~ ayeee

Aye, since "나비" in Korean means butterfly, plus this song is a bop.