Harry
I wasn't mad, or angry. I was frustrated. I was frustrated because I had just gotten up and left as usual. Leaving was becoming something that was reoccurring for me and I didn't like it. And it was because I had left, not giving Emily the explanation she deserved, that I was now feeling bad.
So as I walked through my front door, the first thing I did was grab out my phone, not even thinking twice about sending Emily a message.
Me: Can we ring when you're free? H
I walked out to the patio, laying out on the couch and sitting my hand under my head to get comfortable. There was a slight relaxing evening breeze, blowing against my face and keeping me cool.
This was my favourite place in the house. I usually came out here just to play guitar and distract me from my thoughts. But that wasn't happening right now. Because at the moment, the only thing I was thinking about was how this was Emily's favourite place in the house as well.
I pictured what it would have been like if Emily moved in. The two of us coming to sit out here every evening, enjoying the breeze and sunset while sitting in a comfortable silence or chatting with each other about stupid things that don't really matter.
But that wouldn't happen, and it would never happen. Because it was over between us, and it had been for a long time now. And it was my fault because I had ended things over something so stupid. And instead of being the boyfriend that understood and supported her as she lived her dream, I had only thought about myself, and what I wanted. And now, I could never call Emily mine again.
And I hated that because it meant I could never be the one to hold her and calm her down, I could never be the one to hold her hand when we walked, although, when I woke up this morning with Emily sitting on the ground in front of me, somehow the two of us had interlocked our hands. I ended up staying awake for ten minutes, enjoying what would probably be the last feeling of her hand in mine.
. . .
It had been two hours since I'd messaged Emily. And I'd had no response. I didn't know whether she was ignoring me or whether she was just busy, but I had a feeling it was the first.
I still hadn't moved from outside and the sun was already starting to set. And even though I was getting no message back from Emily, I still wanted to call her.
So before I could overthink anything, I opened up my contacts, pressing call on Emily's name and bringing my phone up to my ear.
The phone was on its fourth ring and I was now regretting calling her, because I knew she wouldn't answer. Why would she want to when I'd just left her apartment without giving her an explanation of what happened? But I didn't think she'd be this mad at me. I didn't think she'd actually be mad at all, because knowing Emily, she would only-
"Hello" Emily's voice pulled me from my thoughts, and I realised I'd woken her up from the grogginess in her voice.
"Sorry, I woke you didn't I" It wasn't much of a question because I already new the answer.
"Yeah, but it's fine. I didn't mean to fall asleep, but the cafe was busier then usual and so I've been working since you left" Her voice got quieter towards the end of her sentence, and I could tell it was because she was bringing up what had happened this morning.
"That's fine, I can go if you want? Let you get back to sleeping?"
"No, no. I'm up now, it's ok" She chuckled. The sound of her laughter caused a small smile to play on my lips, even if it was just a chuckle. "Is there a reason you called?"
"Uh, yeah. I just wanted to say sorry... for leaving earlier instead of talking to you" I said. I waited for a response, but when she didn't answer, it made me question whether I had actually made her mad. "Are you mad?" I asked hesitantly. Once again, Emily's laughter sounded from the other line of the phone, this time not just being a chuckle and causing me to smile wider then before.
"No Harry, I'm not mad. I was annoyed that you weren't explaining anything before... but I'm not mad" She told me. I let out a hum in response, suddenly feeling as though a weight had been lifted.
The two of us stayed silent, and even though none of us were talking, I felt content just knowing that I was on a call with Emily.
"You're going to Niall's and Molly's next week, right?" I asked, stretching out on the couch and getting myself in a more comfortable position.
"The week after. I'm coming to check out their house and I actually can't wait" I could hear the excitement in Emily's voice over getting to check out Niall's and Molly's. It wasn't much of a big deal, seeing as Niall had lived there for a while, but I couldn't stop myself from chuckling at how happy she was to be going over.
"I was thinking you could come over to mine as well? If you want. We can just spend the day together... doing thing friends do" I felt myself shiver at the mention of friends, and I have no clue why because that's what we were.
"I'd like that" She said after a while. "But we have to go out somewh- we could go on a picnic!" Emily said, now sounding even more excited then before.
"A picnic" I repeated, smiling to myself at the thought of being able to spend a day with Emily. I didn't even care what we did, just as long as I got to see her.
"Yep, a picnic. If you want to, that is" She responded, her voice quieter then before, telling me she was nervous for my answer,
"A picnic sounds good, we just have to have strawberries" I told her seriously, earning a chuckle in response.
"Ok, I'll remember that" She replied. The two of us fell back into a silence, and I put my phone on speaker, resting it on my chest and sitting my hand back under my head.
Everything in this moment from the pink sunset, the cool breeze and sitting in a comfortable silence with Emily, made me feel like everything was good. My life was good and I was happy.
"Harry?" Emily said quietly, her voice breaking into a yawn straight after.
"Hm" I hummed.
"Thank you" She whispered. I took in a breath. I wanted to say it. I wanted to say it so badly but I didn't know if I could.
It used to roll off my tongue so easily. I used to be able to say it without even having to think twice. But it wasn't like that anymore. I wanted it to be though. I wanted to be able to just say it without having to overthink it in my head. God dammit I wanted to say it so badly. And maybe I could. Maybe it would be ok if I said it. Hell it could make things better. And I wanted things to be better.
"Anything for you" I whispered. I waited for a response, suddenly thinking that maybe I shouldn't have said it. But when the sound of very light snores sounded from the other line of the phone, I realised she had fallen asleep. And maybe that was for the better. Maybe she wasn't supposed to hear me say it.
