Just Another Girl

Chapter 16

  I yawned and stared up at the light blue ceiling, thinking hard. Tomorrow was when the two weeks would be up, when Joey said I could do whatever I wanted. But now, now that I had him and the proof that he really loved me, I wasn't sure what I wanted. 

  I'd had my mind so set on dying that I hadn't thought about living, yet I didn't really want to die that bad anymore. I knew that if something bad happened I'd probably die, but if things stayed how they were long enough... 

  Oh just shut up about it now, I told myself, if there are doubts it almost always fails that way anyway unless I use a gun which I don't have. 

  Rolling my eyes at myself, I turned my phone on and clicked to Spotify, ignoring the texts from my mom who apparently enjoyed tormenting me. I shuffle played and almost laughed out loud when the song,  Skillet - Not Gonna Die Tonight, came on first. 

  I didn't remember adding that one though... Most of my songs were a bit more depressing than that. I scrolled though, and all I could think of was awww! Joey had added more songs from my favorite bands, all of which were encouraging. Flares from The Script, Kids In The Dark from All Time Low, Walking The Wire and Whatever It Takes from Imagine Dragons, and... A song I'd never seen or heard before? Would You Still Love Me? from Brian Nhira. 

  Skipping to that one, wondering why he'd added one from somebody I didn't even recognize the name, I listened to it. 

What if I couldn't speak
What if I couldn't eat
What if I couldn't move
Would you still love me?

What if my body ached
And I always made you late
What if I couldn't wait
Would you still love me?

Would you love me when it's hard
And our life's fallen apart
If the things that we once knew are long gone
If our blue skies turn to grey
And my memory fades away
Would you still love me?
Would you still love me?

What if I'm complicated
Always leaving you frustrated
Nothing ever went quite right
Would you still love me?

Wish I could let you know what the future holds
but that's a promise I can't make
through the good and bad happy and sad
love is a risk that we must take

If I could speak again
I'd ask you to remember when
We first met and fell in love
We were so young and dumb
But our love was so strong
Memories of those late nights
Are what fuel this fight

Would you love me when it's hard
And our life's fallen apart
If the things that we once knew are long gone
If our blue skies turn to grey
And my memory fades away
Would you still love me?
Would you still love me?
Would you still love me?
Would you still love me?

By the end, I was more that a little scared. That song was about someone sick, not knowing if they'll live or not, asking their lover if they'll love them anyway... Why would he add this one? I hoped so hard it was a mistake, not a secret message...