Boys Your Age

31|Somebody Else

Dan doesn't know where he's going. He just left his own birthday party, and no doubt someone is going to notice. He knows he can't wander too far, but he feels like walking into another country just to get away from Phil.

He walks down past a corner he used to play hopscotch with Phil at, and down past Mrs. Reverens new petunias. He tears up a bit, but he wipes them away.

When he sees the park, he goes towards the swings hoping to just dwell in nostalgia alone, but someone is sitting on one of the swings smoking a cigarette.

"Connor?" Dan asks, as he gets closer to the someone.

Connor looks up at Dan in shock at first, and then forces a small smile, "Oh, hey, Dan."

"What are you doing here?" he questions, "You're supposed to be at the party."

Connor smiles, "I should ask the same question to you."

"True." Dan reasons. He sits down on the swing next to Connor as he takes a puff of his cigarette.

"When did you start smoking?" Dan asks.

Connor shrugs, "About a year ago. I don't actually smoke that much, but sometimes I just need something to put me at ease."

"Careful, you can get addicted."

"You can get addicted to anything."

"That's why I left."

Connor looks over at him expectantly.

Dan sighs, "I'm addicted to Phil Lester."

Connor laughs, "When your addiction stops feeding you, there is nothing to fill up that need, is there?"

Dan shakes his head, "Nope."

"Do you want to know my reason for leaving?" Connor asks.

"Yes."

Connor sighs, "When I see him so happy with someone else it breaks my heart. I thought that I was the only one who could ever make him smile like that. I know that our love has long burned out, but the care never faded, and I see him being cared for like I did for him, but even better. It hurts me."

Dan nods, "I know what you mean."

Connor smiles at him, "Do you?"

"Yeah. It's like you know it's better this way, and that you don't belong together, but you've always loved that person, and now that you don't it's too hard to cope with. And then you see them being loved by somebody else, and it makes you wonder where you went wrong, and where their new lover went right. When did the kisses become empty, and your heart become full?"

"Wow, you know your shit, Dan." Connor says taking another puff of his cigarette.

"Experience is the best teacher," Dan replies.

"But you don't have the same experience." Connor retorts.

Dan furrows his eyebrows, "What do you mean?"

Connor sighs, "You still love Phil."

Dan traces shapes with his feet in the dirt, "But does it matter if he doesn't love me?"

Connor looks at Dan sideways for a while, but he's staring at the ground. Connor shakes his head, and then turns his face forwards again. Taking a puff of his cigarette he says, "I guess not."

Then there is comfortable silence. Connors smoke curls into the air around his head, and disappears into the gray, and dark blue sky. Two lonely boys sit peacefully on old swings soaking in the warmth of each other's company. The rusty street light by the park glows orange on the pavement as the day slips into the night.