Coffee at first sight

Chapter 45

For the first time in a long while, I look at myself in the mirror. Naked. The long gash across my right breast is still there. It starts at the top of my right breast and continues all the way to the left.

It has healed but the scar is hideous and purple. I have a few on my stomach as well. I feel out of breath when I touch the one on my right breast. I bled so much on that day. At times, I can still feel the pain, the intense burn but it's all in my head. The therapist said that my body still remembers the pain. The physchological effect will probably remain with me my entire life.

The day it happened, Lucas had found me. I was trying to escape from him. Everytime I tried to escape, he always managed to catch me because he had bodyguards watching me in secret.

The burn cigarettes marks on my stomach and thighs occured because I was eating too much. Lucas would also monitored my diet. And if he saw me eating something that he did not approved of, he would punished me.

That's how I developped an eating disorder. I was always scared to eat in fear of getting punished. Lucas had molded me into his perfect girl. Skinny and submissive. He would always buy me clothes as well. They would always be colorful. Red, orange, green, blue and all the other bright colors. I hated it.

This is the reason why I always clad myself in black now. I hate colors.

"You are strong Ayla", I tell my reflection. "And I will always protect you"

When I am done with my shower, I walk outside. Xander is currently not at home. So, I have the room all to myself. He has been working with Silas for the past few days. Sarah is always there as well but he just ignores his existence. She looks like she wants to speak with him but him on the other side, he disregards her completely.

Truth to be told, I am wary of him. The way he acts around me sometimes reminds me of Lucas. I know he will never hurt me like he did but at times he really behaves weird. Almost as if he is obsessed with me. I feel so scared at times. What if eventually this all lead to the same behaviour like Lucas?

Sarah does not appears to be in love with Silas. I notice that she likes him just because he gives her attention. Her gaze is always longing for Xander. Silas did admit that Sarah was the one who insisted to work with the Greys for this new project.

I am trying everyway possible way to push him towards Sarah but he keeps coming back to me. At times, I feel like he behaves more like a friend.

I get a notification in my mobile. It's a message from Xander.

*Did you eat?*

*Yes, Bighead. I ate. Did you have dinner already?*

I smile. I called him Bighead again. Homeboy must be triggered right now. He is typing.

*What did you eat?*

Another message comes instantly.

*My head is not BIG!*

I giggle. He is so annoyed.

*That forehead is huge though. I had chicken and rice*

He does not text back again.

Xander has become extremely serious regarding my eating habits. He always make sure to ask me the same questions if we don't have a meal together. After that night of trying to make myself puke, he still has not questioned me anything about it. But he is strict regardless. I know, Xander is nothing like Lucas, but I am still scared.

I am tired of always being scared which is why I will do everything possible to leave.

I get another text but this time, it's from Ethan.