✓ dare to date? | park sunghoon

39

namkyu

"i like you, namkyu."

a part of me knew that he was going to say this, but i was still surprised when he actually did.

what do i say?

all i'm thinking about, is why?

i mean, when you like someone, you probably don't have a reason why you like them, you just do. or at least, that's what i think.

but still.

after all my cries, my useless chatter about sunghoon, how could he still like me?

how would this work? i can't think of any way.

if i told him i liked him back, would that truly be an honest answer?

i do like him, but not the same 'like' he may have as me.

if i were to date someone who's heart still belonged to someone else,

i think i'd just be the one getting hurt.

so once i thought of that, i finally knew my answer.

but before i could even answer, we both heard a loud door slam. well, not too loud, but aggressive enough to direct both their attention to that sound.

"damn." i muttered under my breath.

jungwon just chuckled, "ignore it." he told me while turning back to look at me, as if he already knew who it was.

i just nodded, looking back at him as well.

"so, what's your answer?" he asked, but i already forgot what i had prepared to say.

"to you saying you like me?" i asked to make sure, as if there were multiple questions. i mean, what else namkyu?

he just looked down, shaking his head while chuckling before looking back up at me again. "it's fine." he softly smiled, "i know it's probably too sudden for you, but i just couldn't wait any longer."

this sentence made me blush, but the longer i thought about what he just said, it also made me overthink.

he was about to turn around, which made me confused. we're we done? i wondered. was that all?

"wait." i held onto his sleeve to gently prevent him from walking away, "could you just, wait a bit longer?"

"um, for what..?" he asked, a bit surprised.

"for me, for my answer. could you?" i asked. i didn't ask him the actual question that i had in my head. well, because i wanted to see it for myself.

if he would.

all he did was nod, "i will." he replied, like a promise. i smiled back at him before i watched him turn around and walked away, entering the big room full of noise and chatter.

after that door closed, i looked down and weakly smiled to myself. if i wasn't so stuck up on sunghoon, i wonder if me and jungwon would've been happy together right now.

i sighed deeply before walking back into the room, opening the door and putting my best 'nothing-happened' face on.

"did you say you liked him back?" i could feel their breath against my ear as they whispered, making my breath hitch as i moved my head away from them.

"fuck." i whispered, letting out a breath of relief. "don't tell me you eavesdropped on us." i glared at him, he was leaning on the wall before turning so that his side was against it now. his body was now facing me, which made me feel uneasy.

sunghoon slightly smirked, making me feel weird, like my heart pounding faster and all that. he tilted is head, "oh, but what if i did?" he asked proudly.

i just looked down instead of replying. 'it's all your fault.' i wanted to say.

'it's your fault that i couldn't say i like him back.'

but who am i to say that to him? if anything, the only person i should say that to, is myself.

just by having that thought, i knew i was a shitty person. maybe even more shitty than i thought sunghoon was.

jungwon deserves someone who will actually reciprocate his feelings. someone who gives him as much love as he does.

but, what if i wanna be that someone?

it'll take a while, right?

it's no one's fault that i still have feelings for sunghoon, but i know i can change that if i try.

"no." i scoffed before growing silent again. "i didn't, but i want to one day..."

"you... wanna tell him you like him?" he asked to make sure.

i nodded, "yeah." admitting it quietly.

he just nodded with a downturned smile, seeming impressed, "okay." he said. he didn't even look bothered, which kind of annoyed me.

but.. why should i care if he was bothered or not? i shouldn't use jungwon as someone to make him jealous. i've never done that before, so why am i feeling like this now?

i just shook away my thoughts. speaking to him was going to make me even more frustrated, even if i wanted to.

turning around as the conversation seemed to come to an end, i was stopped when i heard him say something that caught me off guard.

"don't, kyu."

my eyes widened. even though i wanted to ignore him, i still turned around to look at him, an offending look on my face, "w..what?"

he just smiled and leaned his head on the wall while looking at me, "i said don't." he repeated.

i silently scoffed and fully turned around again to face him, crossing my arms. "why?"

he sighed and turned around, looking back before he left, "just... trust me."

when he said that, he sounded serious... i didn't know what to think.

all i did was watch as his figure walked away. he confused me, but i wasn't about to listen to what he said just because he said so.

i was going to wait, wait for myself to actually fall for jungwon, if that could ever happen. i wanted to see for myself if i could.

but it didn't seem like it was going to happen that easily.

because what i saw later on, was not something i expected, but maybe something i was glad i saw.

♡

tbh IMO only.. dont try to
force urself to like smo haha

n esp when u haven't moved on
from smo else, maybe its better—
heck, prob even healthier to not
date smo right away lolll