The Lonely Girl

Chapter 39: back and forth

Derek p.o.v

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

I was pacing back and forth in my office. Back and forth, back and forth. Back and forth. 

I was nervous. 

Stressed. 

My anxiety was going through the roof. 

Once again I shook my hands in a sad attempt to shake off the nerves. And to prevent my hands from getting even more sweaty. 

Not were only my hands sweaty, my forehead, back, and feet were soaking too. I know, I am pretty detailed here, but that was just how it was. I was a sweaty, stressed-out pathetic man pacing back and forth in my office, almost engraving my path in the hardwood floors. 

You may ask why I am this stressed, it's because I was going to see Rose today. 

I had promised everybody I wouldn't seek contact and I wouldn't see her without theirs and her permission and Nathan said we were good to go today with the outing. 

I didn't expect it, hence why I was even more nervous. I thought I would have been rejected for the outing, but I wasn't. 

I was going to see her, I was going to see Rose. 

I looked at the wrapped-up box laying on my desk, ready to be given to a special somebody. It was big, it was red with a big bright golden bow on top of it. 

Should I bring it with me? 

No. Yes? 

No. 

I didn't want to seem manipulative. 

But I just wanted to make her happy. To make her smile again. 

Nathan told me she wasn't acting like herself, that she was a different person and most importantly he told me that she wasn't in little space anymore since she came out of her coma. 

This present could help her. Maybe. I didn't know for sure. 

Should I?

No.

Yes?

I could just bring it with me and decide when I was there in the park. 

I sighed. 

With much frustration I ran my fingers through my hair, sniffing my armpits during the process. I could use another shower, I thought. 

I groaned, I had already taken two showers today. Two showers! My outfits changed during the day as well. Never have I been this insecure, not even for my first date or kiss or sex experience. 

It was driving me crazy. Please somebody help me. 

No, no self-pity for me. There was no need for that. It wasn't me that was abused both mentally and physically that got me in a coma. I was the selfish bastard and the worst Daddy ever. 

The irony of all this was that I judged all those littles so badly because they were the worst littles, but here I am just as bad as them. 

I let the hot water slide down my back. It calmed me down, even if it was for a minute. When I was done with my third shower for the day, I made my way to the closet and was left with another hard decision to make. 

What should I wear?

After twenty minutes I was finally dressed and ready to go. I had chosen a black shirt with grey pants. It was the best I got.