𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝑺𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒔 • yeonbin & taegyu ✓

°•♡𝟕𝟑♡•°

°•°•♡•°•°
•°♡°•

°•𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 • depression, panic attack, suicidal thoughts•°

°•♡•°
°•°•♡•°•°

𝕭𝖊𝖔𝖒𝖌𝖞𝖚 bent over, throwing up again. his hair was tied up in a half bun and his forehead had small droplets of sweat. he squeezed the toilet's edges strongly, coughing and when he realized it was over, he pulled away, resting his back on the wall while hugging his knees.

kai went to the clinic to have lunch with him, saying he missed eating with the long haired since he just ate in the clinic now. the thing was, beomgyu didn't eat at all, he didn't feel hungry and when he put food in his stomach, it didn't stay there for long. so when the blonde appeared there, he had to eat and pretend to be okay, but it didn't work for long and he had to throw up his whole meal.

he was just glad kai left before he could see it.

beomgyu let his body fall to the side, laying on the bathroom's cold floor, he felt too tired to even breathe, so maybe he shouldn't. he felt like crying but didn't manage to, only staring at the white titles, feeling his breath starting to get faster. the long haired squeezed his eye, trying to somehow make the suffocating feeling go away, and turned his head to the side, resting his forehead on the ground.

the male hugged himself, starting to feel unsafe, like someone would come to him, lock him up and torture him. he whispered for taehyun, but no one could hear, and even if someone could, the shorter wasn't in the house, being too busy with his job in the administration. beomgyu turned around, managing to get on his knees, and held himself on the toilet, trying to get up.

he threw himself on the shower's wall, messily turning the water on and letting his body slide to the floor. the cold water helped somehow, it made him breathe better and distract himself with how cold he was feeling. beomgyu started to shake, from both cold and fear, he wanted to die, he wanted it all to stop, but he could only manage to stay there, barely moving.

the long haired wanted to feel safe, he wanted to be inside taehyun's arms where he would always be okay, but he couldn't and it was okay. beomgyu couldn't be selfish again and make the shorter worry about stupid things, he already gave the other too much problems and said too many hurtful things, so he couldn't be that selfish.

beomgyu coughed, feeling weak and sick, he just laid there, staring at the water on the floor and knowing he was shaking, but not really feeling it. he couldn't feel anything, like his mind was dead before his body. he blinked slowly, feeling tired and drowsy, he hadn't sleep for days now and the lack of food only made his contidion worse.

it was okay though, as long as the others didn't discover, he wouldn't mind feeling dead, but it was a shame he wasn't actually.

the male stayed there for what seemed like hours, trembling alone on the wet floor. then he got up, using a whole lot of effort to move and support himself on the counter. beomgyu raised his head, looking at the mirror, he had an eyepatch now, some lady gave it to him after he helped her with her wound and he hated it, not the eyepatch, but the fact that he needed it.

beomgyu looked down, not wanting to see his own reflection, he wondered how taehyun could be with someone like him, disgusting and selfish. maybe that was why the younger liked his job so much, so he could stay away from the problems beomgyu gave him. just like soobin, who probably didn't want to be close to the person who called him names and hurt his feelings so strongly they would probably never heal.

the male took his wet clothes off, slowly leaving the bathroom after and putting a hoodie with some baggy pants namjoon gave them. he laid on the bed, covering himself with the blankets and turning to taehyun's side, staring at the empty space.

"beomgyu?" the said male looked at the door, seeing yeonjun standing there, then he hummed, indicating to the older to continue.

yeonjun was just going to ask about the ointment beomgyu gave him the day before, quite interested in how it was made, but gave up after seeing the male. the black haired could read people and he knew the male was bad, he just ignored it though, not wanting to intervene when the younger clearly didn't want to talk about it. yeonjun undertood it, he didn't like talking about what happened to him too, or about how his mind haunted him.

the older just sighed, going to the bathroom and grabbing a towel. he had got way too attached to beomgyu after they started to live in the community, their sleepless nights together had made yeonjun care more than he liked about the other, it wasn't that much though, not even compared to how much he cared about soobin. yeonjun gave the towel to the younger, who took it without saying anything.

"we don't need you sick." it seemed harsh, but it was the best he could do and beomgyu knew that, so he gave the older a small smile, nodding his head softly. "bunny's asleep, so i'll wait for you in the living room like always."

yeonjun left after saying that, making beomgyu blink and finally realize it was already night time, maybe he had indeed stayed locked in the bathroom for hours. he slowly moved his arms, drying his hair as best as he could, but not managing to do much when he was so weak.

"let me help you, butterfly." the long haired turned around, seeing taehyun entering the room with a smile, and beomgyu felt his shoulders relaxing a bit, nodding as an asnwer to the shorter.

taehyun stood in front of him, taking the towel from his hands and starting to brush it gently on the older's hair. beomgyu stayed still, thinking and thinking if he should say something, and in the end deciding on doing it.

"are things busy with namjoon?" he said quietly, afraid taehyun would think badly of the question. he just needed to say something, to at least make the younger stay close to him for a while, so he could feel safe.

"yeah, there's a lot to do." taehyun ran his fingers through the male's long strands, focused on what he was doing. "did you eat?"

"yes." there was a pause before the male continued. "can you come earlier tomorrow so we can have dinner together?" it wasn't much right? maybe it was, taehyun probably had way too important things to do, and beomgyu wouldn't manage to eat either way so it didn't matter. "you're almost not here anymore, i miss you."

the long haired closed his eyes, hating himself for saying it. he was so selfish, putting taehyun in that position just because he couldn't feel safe, it was disgusting.

"i know. i'm sorry, butterfly." the younger stopped what he was doing, bending down and pecking the long haired's lips. "but i'm really busy, and eating here is nothing much, right? you have binnie, jun and kai to eat with you."

it was much, it was maybe more than much. it would mean the world to beomgyu, it would make him feel so much better, make him feel slightly alive and happy, even if just for a moment.

"you're right." beomgyu gave the other a small smile and nodded. "it's nothing."

the older felt taehyun go back to drying his hair, that was almost fully dry. he felt his heart pouting in his chest and his palms sweating, the shorter was right, it wasn't much, but beomgyu always made things seem bigger. he shouldn't have said anything, he should've stayed quiet and supported the other, now he felt selfish.

selfish. dramatic. bothersome. problematic. an attention seeker.

beomgyu would be better off dead.

"butterfly?" the long haired looked up, blinking tiredly. "i was saying i finished your hair, so we should sleep. you look tired, are you okay?"

"yes, i just had a lot of things to do at the clinic today." the older hugged taehyun's waist, resting his forehead on the male's stomach. "i just need some sleep and tomorrow i'll feel better, don't worry." he obviously wouldn't be able to sleep, so just like every day he would pretend to do it until the other was sleeping.

"okay, i love you." the shorter caressed beomgyu's hair, smiling softly. he knew he was away a lot, but the community was important and beomgyu could wait to have a simple dinner together.

"i love you too." the long haired said, closing his eye and biting his lip, he didn't deserve someone as good as taehyun.

beomgyu didn't deserve his eternity, just like taehyun deserved someone better as his.

°•°•♡•°•°