𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝑺𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒔 • yeonbin & taegyu ✓

°•♡𝟒𝟏♡•°

°•°•♡•°•°
•°♡°•

°•𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 • trauma, paranoia, mental illness, suicidal thoughts, blood, needle•°

°•♡•°
°•°•♡•°•°

𝖄𝖊𝖔𝖓𝖏𝖚𝖓 locked himself in the bathroom as soon as soobin left him, he bent down, squeezing the sink edges and looking at the titled floor. the black haired wanted to cry, in hope of feeling some relief, but he wouldn't, simply because he wasn't able to. before the outbreak he already hid all his emotions, and after what happened a year before he simply forgot how to cry.

the male bottled up all his pain and emotions while they cut and tortured him, he didn't let out a single scream or cry. the only thing yeonjun did was saying hateful words towards the males while taking everything they threw at him, or took away from him. he just silently saw what they did, saw the man who was locked beside him die, knowing he would be the next. he spent months with them. so even if the black haired wanted to cry, he didn't know how to anymore.

yeonjun thought back on the day before, where he laughed in front of soobin, he regretted it so much. he let his walls down, he showed vulnerability, and doing that meant trusting the person you're with, and he couldn't trust the younger. yeonjun, who was fearless, strong, cold, arrogant, was afraid of trusting.

trusting meant letting people in, meant letting himself get distracted sometimes, letting himself show emotions and care. trusting, for yeonjun, meant pain. because it was due to trust that people managed to lock him up, cut him all over, torture him and leave him traumatized.

so the black haired was actually afraid he trusted soobin enough to laugh in front of him.

either way, after what happened earlier that day, he for sure wouldn't be laughing soon. it all came back to him like a train crashing into a wall, if he managed to feel at ease enough to laugh with soobin a day ago, now he was even worse than before their little moment. he always remembered what happened, always had nightmares about it, but seeing it all again felt like reviving it.

when he went looking for taehyun, he saw people who were there for a longer time and how disgusting and sick it all was. he opened all the cells, but he knew most of them wouldn't be able to step outside of it to go somewhere else, they would rot there or be eaten by the infected.

yeonjun started to scratch his scars, hating them with all his will. he didn't have another one of his breakdowns, he didn't freak out and wanted to kill infected to keep the images away, he just felt numb, completely dead. seeing those kind of things again took a toll on him. the male looked himself in the dirty mirror of the bathroom, staring at his figure and trying to find something of who he was before the outbreak. he didn't.

the black haired grabbed one of his throwing knifes, staring at it, he touched the blade and his thumb got cut, painting his finger in red. for a second, he considered cutting his own throat, but gave up, remembering he didn't deserve such an easy death. yeonjun thought he deserved to suffer, to feel pain when dying, or at least to get killed by someone who had a reason for doing it.

the male sat on the floor, feeling the cold wall on his naked back. he brought his legs closer and rested his forehead on his knees, he felt tired, mentally and physically. yeonjun wished he could sleep a little, but he knew he wouldn't be able to, so he just sat there and stared at the white wall in front of him, his head completely void of thoughts.

when someone knocked on the door a couple of minutes later, yeonjun finally woke up from his trance and got up, opening the door. there stood soobin with a tired face and a first aid kit in hands, which he raised in the older's direction.

"here." soobin stared at the other's blank and dead expression and furrowed his brows, worried. "it's for your cuts, i already treated mine."

yeonjun looked at the younger's arm, making sure it was indeed bandaged, then he nodded, taking the kit without saying a word. soobin wanted to help and ask if he was okay, but he forced himself not to, only looking at the black haired one more time before leaving.

the older closed the door again, not locking it this time, and put the first aid kit in the counter. yeonjun unwrapped the cloths around his torso and arms and threw them away, picking some cotton and alcohol, then cleaning all the cuts and bandaging most of them. three remained without bandage because he knew he would need to stitch them, which made him sigh, bothered by the work.

yeonjun left the room and sat on the bed, where he could be more comfortable, then the picked the suture line and passed it through the needle. the male looked down to his ribs and started stitching the first cut, it hurt but he wasn't bothered by it, after doing that to so many scars, he got used. being the smallest cut, he quickly finished, cleaning the blood, bandaging it after and going to the next one that was on the side of his abdomen.

the male could feel the needle piercing his flesh just to come out after, over and over again, he hated how familiar it felt. when all the three were treated, he laid on the bed, covering his face with his forearms, feeling exhausted. he hated himself for being the reason why taehyun was dead, he hated he killed one of the only people he could accept he cared, even if little.

yeonjun got up, putting a shirt and grabbing his weapons. he was going to be on watch, knowing no one else would, considering how soobin was probably telling the others about taehyun's death. it was the least he could do actually, after all the mess he made when he left, which he still felt guilty about. he told soobin he would stay to help him after all.

°•°•♡•°•°