Alone With Six [BTS kids] (hiatus)

16th part

"So boys, how has your day been?" Seokjin asked brightly after picking the last boy up from school. As he asked, he looked at his five sons in his backseat through the mirror, eyes lingering a little longer on Jimin than the rest. He really hoped the boy had had a good day despite all the troubles this morning. A mantra of 'fines' filled the packed car. Jimin didn't answer though, and neither did Namjoon. Seokjin felt his grip on the steering wheel tighten slightly. This wasn't how he wanted it. He wanted all his children to be able to say that they've had a good day, for all of them to speak to each other with smiles on their faces. Instead, two of his children gave no reply. Two of his children had not had a good day, and this fact stung in his heart. Seokjin noted that he would have to contact the day care and talk to them about this. He still didn't know what the issue with Namjoon was, as he had refused to talk about it, but the boy had obviously been upset the last couple of days. Ever since Jaebum had been over.

Seokjin didn't want to remember that day. That had been one of the scariest moments of Seokjin's life as a father. No, in his life in general.

After he had made sure to call Jaebum's parents, Hoseok had informed him that Namjoon had left the room crying and that he didn't know why. Hoseok was such a caring boy, and he knew that his younger brother was not one to cry often. Out of the siblings he was the clumsiest, yet no matter how often the boy got hurt, he almost never cried. At what the second oldest son had said, Seokjin decided to go check on the boy, telling Hoseok to keep his friend with company until his parents came to pick him up.

When Seokjin walked into his bedroom (the room he figured Namjoon was in considering the door was wide open) he saw the boy laying in a lump on the floor, whimpering loudly in between the breaths from his rapidly heaving chest.

"Joon ah?" He had asked quietly, almost scared sounding. He had never seen the boy like this before. When he didn't get a reply, Seokjin quickly walked over, grabbing a hold of his crying son's frame and turning him around so that he was facing the room and had his back against the bed. Namjoon looked even more terrified than how Seokjin felt. His chest was heaving faster and faster and tears were running down his cheeks like a faucet running on max.

"Joonie?" He asked again, even quieter. Borderlining a whisper. The child didn't even seem to comprehend the fact that his father was there, right in front of him. His body was shaking, and by now, there was no pace to his breathing at all. The boy quickly shot a hand up to his chest, clenching it around his shirt and closing his eyes shut in pain.

"Namjoon!" Seokjin yelled, no longer able to keep a calm composure. His son was having  trouble breathing, was having a panic attack. What the heck were you supposed to do in a situation like this!?

The boy's face was pale, his eyes were unfocused and kept opening and closing, as if he were only seconds away from going unconscious. Which to be fair, probably was the case.

"Hey, Joonie. Sweetie." Seokjin said, putting a hand on the boy's shoulder and trying his best to get his attention by waving and snapping his fingers in front of his face. It seemed to work slightly, but considering that the boy was only seconds away from passing out, there was a limit to the response his body could give.

"Hey, can you breathe with me bud?" The father asked worriedly, starting to inhale and exhale, loudly and slowly. He didn't wait for a reply. His son wasn't able to give him that in the current situation anyway. The breathing didn't seem to work. The boy tried, Seokjin saw his jaw jut out in concentration again, but unfortunately it was not enough to calm his breathing, something that only seemed to stress the poor boy even more.

"Here, I've got it!" Seokjin said, quickly. Then he pointed one of his fingers up to the ceiling and placed it in front of Namjoon's face. "Look, pretend it's a birthday candle, alright love?" Seokjin felt that he sounded a lot more calm than he felt, which still was not particularly calm. "Come on, Joonie, you know this. How do big boys blow out their candles?" Namjoon seemed to think for a moment before he leaned forward and blew a short breath onto the finger. "Nope, not good enough." Seokjin exclaimed as teasingly as he was physically able to. "See, it's still lit." He started moving his fingers slightly back and forth to try to signify a flame. Namjoon tried again, holding it a little longer this time.

"Oh, almost there! Come on baby, try again. I know you can do it." By now both Taehyung, Jungkook and Jimin had come to see what was going on. All standing in the doorway, looking at the scene absolutely terrified. Seokjin tried to usher them away, but he didn't want to leave Namjoon alone, even for a second.

"Issh Joonie 'yung okay?" Taehyung asked, hiding behind Jimin, who was trying his best to not look absolutely traumatized.

Namjoon blew on the finger again. His breathing was getting steadier. "Good. See! You blew it out." Namjoon laughed slightly and Seokjin almost felt his eyes fill with tears as he saw the dimpled smile of his son again. He engulfed his third oldest in a tight hug. "Good sweetie. Are you feeling better?" Before Namjoon got to answer, three more sets of small hands joined into the hug as well. "Y....y-yeah." He said, still having a little trouble, but at least he could actually  speak again. "Thank God Joonie." Seokjin whispered in the boy's ear, finally letting his own tears fall.

He tried his best to hide it from the children. The whole event was probably scarring enough as was, it wouldn't be much better if they saw their daddy cry.

"Now." Seokjin cleared his throat. Trying his best to subtly wipe the tears away. "Who is ready to eat some dinner?" The boys seemed a bit reluctant, but all nodded at the mention of their father's cooking.

When Seokjin after dinner had tried confronting him, Namjoon had run off and refused to speak about it. His son had almost passed out from an anxiety attack at the tender age of 4  and a half years old! He was not having his silence. He had hoped that the staff at day care would have more luck in confronting the boy, but when he had picked them up, they too said they had been unsuccessful.

Jimin's reaction from this morning had probably been related to the event he had seen the night prior. If only he could have afforded to give them all a day at home. Help them, especially Namjoon, calm their heads and bodies after the scary incident. Seokjin cursed internally. Maybe if he had a better paying job he could have. Maybe if he wasn't all alone with them this incident wouldn't have happened at all.

At least one good thing had come out of the commotion, the twins had completely forgotten about their argument, and the teachers in daycare had said that they had played together as normal again. Seokjin couldn't even explain the relief that washed over him at that. Of course he knew that problem wasn't solved, the resentment and jealousy between them had just been covered by a thin layer of dirt. Once a rainstorm broke loose again, the dirt would be washed away, leaving the underlying negativity nude, and leaving behind perhaps an even deeper hole than the one that had been there to begin with.

He needed to solve this issue, as well as he needed to find a way for Namjoon to speak up, if not to him, at least to someone. A therapist, a physiatrist or some other educated person whom Seokjin couldn't afford for him to speak to. He huffed, frustrated. If only he had more money. Then he would be able to do so much more for them. Yoongi had asked him on his second day of school if he could start taking piano lessons. It had broken Seokjin's heart to deny his son's request for an after school activity. Yoongi rarely asked for anything, and as his father, Seokjin at least owed him that much. He would've even been able to pay for a psychiatrist for Namjoon. There was no way he could even start to imagine the burdens the young boy had. Everything he had been through even at such an early stage of life. It was dreadful. With more money might have even  been able to afford new clothes and toys for them whenever they asked for it. Or well, maybe not whenever, but he would at least be able to afford it when they did. In the long run possibly also a new car, or even a house.

He sighed. Well, dreams were important, unfortunately though, not always so relevant. There was no way he would be able to get another job at once, and there was no way he could quit his current one. Seokjin dismissed the thought. He could dream, but even dreams, unfortunately couldn't get away from the crushing grasp of reality.