Life advice? Don't get into a boat with Olaf. I've been in a submarine with him, and now the Carmelita two, so I can say that sea water makes him mad. He infuriates me beyond a reasonable amount. No amount of threatening to push him overboard has made him quieten down. The first time made me want to curl up and cry, but now I want to fight Olaf. He'd probably overpower me, but it'd be fun while it lasted, no?
"I'VE TRIUMPHED!" Olaf yells for the millionth time, "I've burned down the Hotel Denouement, destroyed VFD once and for all, and the Baudelaire orphans are finally in my clutches! At last, their fortune is mine!"
Violet and Klaus stop rowing, to stare at Olaf in disbelief. I mutter, "We also aren't your hench people, which you keep saying. I'm your daughter."
"I think you're forgetting who the captain is," Olaf scoffs, "I never said you were a hench person, Xalia May. If you don't do exactly what I say, I will break open this diving helmet, and then you'll be sorry."
"So will you," Violet rolls her eyes, "If you release the Medusoid Mycelium, we'll all be poisoned. We're in the same boat."
"I've come up with a plan," Olaf shrugs, "We don't have to just be stuck here in the middle of the ocean on the Carmelita two, because I? I am going to change it's name to the OLAF!"
Violet groans as Olaf leans over to fix the name of the boat. Klaus whispers, "What do we do about Count Olaf?"
"Push!" Sunny babbles. I stare at her, somewhat confused, and sigh, "Then we're just as bad as him."
"As long as he's around, nobody is safe," Violet argues. Klaus begins inching closer to Olaf with Violet, while I hold Sunny away. Olaf turns round just before they reach him, and he says, "Looks like a tide has turned and a storm is brewing."
I raise my eyebrows, and he adds, "I meant that figuratively."
Slowly, he points behind us, and we all turn to look. Olaf meant that literally.
I scream as a wave flings the boat in the air, and rain begins lashing down. My hair sticks to my face, and I pass Sunny to Violet, screaming, "HOLD HER CLOSE! I'M GOING TO-"
My sentence is cut off as a wave slams our boat over, plummeting us into the ocean. Frantically, I try kicking, but something hits my head and the world goes black.
***
The taste of sand fills my mouth. Raising, my head, I spit out sand in horror. Frantically, I get up, and hug Violet. She gasps, "You're all okay... where are we though?"
"We're on a coastal shelf of an island surrounded by a seawall," Klaus mutters, looking round. I take my jacket off, and sigh, "It looks like we've been washed up. Where is-"
"Olaf," Sunny babbles, pointing only three steps away. Olaf is lying down, motionless. I gasp, and whisper, "He's dead..."
We all walk closer to him, and I scream as he moves, staring at us. He splutters, "Get me a coffee, orphans."
A young girl's voice gasps, "Castaways."
I turn to her, and smile. She's the first person to have spoken to us in a while that isn't Olaf, and she seems sweet. I run over to her with Violet and Klaus, our eyes wide. Violet says, "Don't be afraid. I'm Violet Baudelaire, and these are my siblings Xalia May, Klaus and Sunny."
As soon as my name is said, Violet gives me a small, sorry look. I smile at her, and her face changes to relieved. The little girl says, "I'm Friday."
"That's a very nice name," I smile, "Are you a castaway too?"
Friday shakes her head, and replies, "I live on the island."
Olaf jumps to his feet, and laughs, "I've discovered an island! I'm going to name it, wait for it, OLAF LAND!"
"You haven't discovered it," I sigh, "There's already people living here."
Olaf chooses to ignore me, and continues, "I bet they'll worship me as their king. Bow before me, Friday!"
Friday looks at him, confused, and says, "No, thank you. Our colony isn't a monarchy. I can take you to the colony if you'd like. Do I have to take your friend?"
Violet looks at Olaf, and then back at Friday, saying, "He isn't our friend."
"Take me to your leader," Olaf demands. Friday sighs, "I can take you to our facilitator, but he's not going to like you. It's storm scavenging day. After a storm, we collect everything that washes up and bring it to Ishmael. He helps us decide what to keep, and what to throw away."
Ishmael isn't as incredible as I assumed he'd been. He's kind of old, with a long white beard, and long white hair. I bow my head as I enter the tent, which is sort of pink and white itself, like the robes everyone wears. Friday beams, "I found some castaways! This is our facilitator, Ishmael!"
"Call me Ish!" Ishmael says. Violet says, "I'm Violet Baudelaire, and these our my siblings, Xalia May, Klaus and Sunny."
I've accepted at this point I'll just be seen as Violet's twin sister. Ishmael raises his eyebrows, as Olaf walks through. I groan as he grabs a harpoon gun off of someone, and booms, "I claim this island and these children in the name of Count Olaf. Now get off my throne."
"I've never heard of Count Olaf," Ishmael shrugs. I watch as Olaf gawps, and Ishmael continues, "I actually did see that name actually, on a review that washed up. It called him a ham. A tedious blowhard. A preening, prancing nincompoop, whose worst crime is not any of a long list of murders, arsons and charges of child endangerment, but the unbridled arrogance to play a part for which he was thoroughly unqualified, embarrassing unconvincing, and at least several decades to old."
Olaf's jaw drops, and he splutters, "You may be the king on this big island, but I'm the guy holding a harpoon gun."
"For now," Ishmael shrugs.
"For now?" Olaf looks defeated.
"You can shoot me if you'd like."
"I'd like that very much..."
"But you can't shoot all these fine people."
Slowly, they all form a circle round Olaf, and I finally feel a little bit safer.
YOU ARE READING
Xalia Squalor; because sometimes being in is not enough
FanfictionXalia Squalor is exactly who she wants to be. She's pretty, she's rich, and she is famous. But there is one small thing. She doesn't have a full tea set. Or at least, her mum doesn't and it's ruining her life. Meeting the Baudelaire orphans is both...
