Xalia Squalor; because sometimes being in is not enough

Just why?

I glare at the little hut that should sell us a submarine. Olaf puts his hand on my shoulder, and turns to mum and Carmelita. Carmelita wont shut up, and I now see why people say only children are lucky. I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy. That's a lie. I would. Olaf says, "Now, you are all wearing disguises, so all we have to do is pretend to be a happy family. Let Xalia May and I do all of the talking. Isn't that a good idea, Xalia?"
"A... actually, that's really not a bad idea," I shrug. We all walk over to the hut, and Olaf says, "Hello. We are a normal family, who want to steal... rent.... rent your finest submarine. In case you are wondering, I am a normal family man, on holiday with my lovely wife, her handsome daughter, my smart daughter, and my distant cousin who is dead to me."
"Is this because I didn't murder the baby-"
"He says the strangest things."
The woman in the hut asks, "Are you Esme Squalor or Xalia May Squalor?"
"Yes?" I say, "Yes, I'm Xalia May."
The woman groans, "Some couple arranged you a submarine. It sounded like a man and woman. Real aura of menace. This is a captains hat for Esme?"
Mum grabs the golden captain hat, and shoves it on her head. She squeals, "Finally people appreciating me for who I am!"
"Who was your handsome daughter?" I ask Olaf as we begin walking to the submarine. Mum and Carmelita walk ahead of us, with Hookie trailing behind us. Olaf groans, "I said her handsome daughter. That's obviously Carmelita. Anyway, where is this... submarine?"

                                                                                ***
"For years people have called me a villain and a criminal," Olaf sighs, stabbing in between his fingers with a knife, "They've trembled at my every wicked deed, but I've never understood how scary it is to be under the control of a tyrannical, horrible, super mean and really, really bossy-"
"Don't be such a baby," Mum rolls her eyes, "You're just mad because the couple like me more than you. That's why they bought me a submarine and a captains hat."
Olaf spits something else, and I groan. Carmelita dances into the room, with a little music player in her hands. She slams it onto the table, and says, "Look at me! Look at me! Countie! Look! Look! Look at me! LOOK AT ME YOU CAKESNIFFERS."
I turn to look at her, and my jaw drops. Slowly, I ask, "Why are you wearing all of those stupid outfits?"
Carmelita says, "I'm a tap dancing, ballerina, fairy princess veterinarian!"
"Next time ask before you take outfits out my trunk," Olaf groans. Carmelita blinks, before continuing, "This dance is Swan lake, where the swan gets run over because it thought it was more adorable than me."
She begins dancing and tap dancing, spinning round like an idiot. Olaf has to physically put the knife down, leaving me alone with mum and Carmelita. I look at mum, saying, "You're raising a Psychopath."
"Be nice to your sister," Mum demands. I scoff, standing up, "Not. My. Sister."

I storm out the room, staring at Olaf as he rubs his temples. We stand in silence for about ten minutes, the sound of out of tune music echoing. I groan, "I legitimately hate that little girl. How did you work with her?"
Olaf looks at me, and sighs, "I don't actually know. Just wanted orphans so badly, and now I'm orphanless."
"If you kill my parents, I'll be an orphan," I shrug.
"I think I'd have to die myself for you to be an orphan."
Olaf bows his head, and I sigh, "Struggling to get used to the idea of having a dad again. I know my dad seemed like he was really interested in my life, but he wasn't. He spent most of his time being with his friends, and then wanted the orphans. I never really had a dad."
I sit on the floor, and Olaf sits next to me, staring at the wall. He whispers, "My dad died when I was pretty young. Just under twenty years ago, more or less. I really miss him."
"Your mum?"
"Never knew her," Olaf says, "That night at the opera. Beatrice shot a dart, killing my father. Her and Lemony stole the sugar bowl. I lost everything that night. Then, days later, I met my mentors. Mentors are so overrated."
I nod as Hookie comes out, holding a tray of food. We all sit at the table, and Hookie sits next to me. Mum says, "Darling?"
Olaf looks at hookie, before saying, "Look, Hooky, this is a family dinner."
"Last I checked, I had one husband, one incredible adorable and super talented daughter, and one older daughter."
That hurts. Hookie seems to take the hint, getting up and leaving. I ask, "Why did I not get any adjectives?"
"Because you're a cakesniffer," Carmelita spits. I scoff, "I'm a cakesniffer? I am the richest, most in, stunning and extremely pretty little girl in the city. You are nothing compared to me. I am.... you are nothing."
"Mum!" Carmelita wails. I snap, "Mum?"
Mum snaps, "Xalia May, you need to be nice to Carmelita. She's your sister."
"No," I say, "Carmelita is your daughter. I am not her sister. She isn't my sister. I will never think of her as my little sister, actually. Just because you think she's your daughter doesn't mean I have to pretend to."
I get up, and storm to the door. Mum tells Olaf to do something, and he sighs, "Xalia May, please come back to the table. Your mum means well, and technically, you're my daughter too. Please eat something."
Slowly, I walk back over to the table. Mum breathes a sigh of relief, until I pick up my plate of food. I say, "I'll eat something, just not at the table with Carmelita."
"Carmelita is a nice person, you just need to accept that," Mum sighs. I scoff, "She tried to bite me? That isn't a nice thing to do."
Mum turns to Carmelita, who is pushing food round her plate. I walk out the room, glaring at my salad. Now I have no good food, and no place to eat it.