Coulda been

21|love

LOVE.
Love seduces,but it waits. Love does not force,it does not fight.
Love is patient,love is kind,
But love is also chaotic,it's dangerous.
Love was a kaleidoscope of untamed demons and unscarred angels, love was thick red drops of blood on pale skin...it hurt,but it was beautiful.

I knew it's destruction.
Fixing a broken heart on your own was like putting plaster on a bullet hole,it didn't help...it only gave the illusion that everything would be fine for a while,till a person dropped dead with a body void of blood. I rolled over for the ten thousandth time that week,grunting as I grabbed onto my pillow and tried to keep my mind away from the pain I felt all over me. I was dead.

I realised that week,in a sterile hospital bed,with blood oozing from the moles on my skin,that I truly was alone. I'd said it for a long time,even joked about it to my mom how I didn't have friends,just people I ate lunch with,but I really was alone then. Mist had brought the guys to see me once he discovered I was there,and Devon had stayed in the hospital overnight to watch me along the course of the week,but the people I called friends weren't there. Rajo and Berrita called most nights,but Kyrie...

I'd never seen Furia Ardiente pray so much in my life,the tall boy on his knees every day beside the bed,praying to a God. A saviour,anybody who answered prayers... I thought I'd die soon.

I realised that week that Kyrie really didn't care about me,his replies were short when I texted him,he was always too busy to answer the phone,he hadn't even asked why when I told him I was in the hospital.

"Melanie,you gotta eat sumn man. I can't stand seein you like this!" Devon tugged at his hair with shaky hands,his veins poppin out as he signaled for me to take my food. "Shit tastes horrible Von! It'on even got salt innit! Thats some nasty diabetic diet food and I ain't gon eat it, roll a joint. " He looked at me like i was crazy,reaching out to hold my shoulder,lowering himself so he was eye to eye with me. "Do you wanna fuckin die?"

Tears clouded my vision as I nodded,voice a lil shaky as I whispered a yeah. Devon shook his head, kicking the air as he said, " how I'm posta move tomorrow when you'on even wanna eat? It's fuck you Mel,cause you know you'on really wanna die. So what's really goin on?" I opened my mouth to say nun but decided against it when he clenched his jaw and mugged me.
"Kyrie don't love me... it's always givin plastic with him,like I'm forcin things."
"I know..." He didn't say anything and just stared at me,so I bit the skin around my nails off.
"He's got this pretty blonde girl from Queens,she's so pretty Von,real pretty. And he post her,a lot. He smile when he talk about her,he just happy when it come to her...and I'm just a girl he wanna fuck,a lil bitch he regrets even meeting and I'm tired. I'm tired of forcing this sham of a relationship,and i just wanna die. He the only thing I been livin for so far,dunno what imma do cause I know he'on want me but I can't live without him," his hand softly wipes at my cheek as he smiles sympathetically at me. God,I hate that look,so much I wanna fuckin die!

"So then break up with him,he not your oxygen. If he's an ass,and he really treat you that bad? It's you first and fuck that bitch ass nigga. Imma tell you straight,he'on love you,and he sure as hell don't love that white girl. Don't no nigga who love his woman even look in the direction of other women, we don't do that! You stick around,hold your lil mama down, build her,support her and give her your whole heart all while becoming a better man yourself. Melanie Wynters- you can't change a man,can't make him love you! That law. Your love for him ain't worth all this suffering,this hurting that you doin,it ain't worth all this overthinkin. Fuck that nigga kin." I nodded,the words really sinkin in this time. I really did have to let him go,I had no other choice.

Me and Devon talked about a few other things while I forced the food down my throat, and the gang came around around an hour before visiting hours ended,joking and goofing around till I was time to leave. They had a hearty breakdown sesh,showering Devon with a whole lotta love and going away gifts... "can't believe Margaret moving you away after 12 years of friendship? Man fuck her,we love you" Frost said seriously, pulling him into a tight hug and sniffing.

"If it leave this room that I cried,I'm beating all y'all asses!" We laughed at that,and I reached out to grab Devon hands,which he gladly let me hold. "Thanks for always being an amazing friend to me and lookin out for me,for takin care of me and keepin me safe. If it wain't for you I never woulda met these idiots,and I wouldn't have had all this fun this year despite being sick...I love you brutha, sooo so much.  Don't forget me,okay? Don't. And I won't change my number,so promise to call whenever you get a chance, cause I'll always answer and listen to all your troubles and give you shitty advice. I love you,okay?" He nodded,lifting his checkered shirt up to wipe his tears.

"Don't make me cry Mel,you're making it hard to leave." We stood silently in the room,the only sound being the sound of our breathing and the beeping of the heart monitor. I think we all knew we'd lost a part of ourselves that we'd never get back that day, and I shook my head sadly as I laid tiredly against the pillows.

"You know we could just make Dave disappear and Margaret wouldn't move no more and you could stay here,"
"Shut the fuck up" the twins said simultaneously, smacking the back of Everest's head as he muttered a silent, "it could work! We just need a gun,silencer, some plastic bags and a shovel-"
"Shut up!" We all roared and bubbled into hysterical laughter, clutching our stomachs as a nurse around Frost's age came in smiling,
"Time to go boys," she said kindly,our eyes all turned to Frost who ran his hand over his ice blue waves before tryna step to the lady. "Ayee lil ma-" Tangerine and Mist wrapped their hands around his waist and dragged him to the door causing him to protest loudly,kicking his legs out with a mug.
Devon was the last to leave,but not without kissing me on the forehead and smiling down gently at me. "I'll be back in 5 years Mel,wait for me. I love you nana."

"Your friends?" I shook my head lightly at the nurse, "my brothers. " she nodded,checking my vitals and injecting some medicines into my drip. When she left,I grabbed my phone and called Kyrie who picked up after the third ring. "Hello?"
"Uhm...can we talk,it's serious. " He rustled around for a few seconds, "Can't. Online class in a few,can you summarize?"
"Naww you'll just call me when you aren't busy." I dropped the call after that,putting my phone on the table beside me. FUCK HIM!