The Beautiful You

Fourteen - It's Also The Reason I Started Sinking

I had only stayed one night in the hospital to check for any signs of a concussion, and I was released the next morning. There was one condition: I had to attend counseling. There were no physiological explanations for the things that happened to me.

I was perfectly healthy.

My body was, at least. The doctor said that sometimes psychological stressors can present themselves in physical ways, and that given my history and circumstances, I should give it a chance.

Mom was more than happy to accept it on my behalf, but my dad seemed a little uncomfortable about it.

We returned home early the next morning, and my parents were in the kitchen drinking coffee. I was supposed to be asleep, at least that's what they thought. Mom had come in and said, "goodnight", but I ignored her. She probably thought I was sleeping.

I hid behind the wall, peeking my head out, and listened in on their conversation. It had to be about me.

It was always about me.

Mom had her shoulders slumped and her head in her hands while Dad's fingers gently caressed her arm. There was a tenderness to his actions, and I felt angry at him. My dad wasn't much of a talker when it came to emotional things; he let my mom carry all that. Mom's never complained about him, so maybe his simple gestures were enough for her. I wondered why he never showed me any kind of compassion like that.

"He doesn't need to see a shrink. You heard the doctor. He's healthy," Dad said gently.

"He's not okay, Damian. You're not here! You don't see him! He hasn't been the same, not for a long time."

I could tell Mom was ready to cry. There's a wavering in her voice, and a slight raspiness to it.

I wish she wouldn't cry, not for me.

"People die. It happens, my buddy did and—"

"He's struggling," she whispered. "His best friend died and you're comparing it to something completely different!

It's different; he's a boy! Jackson was a boy, and he was sick. Your friends are supposed to die towards the end of life, not when it's barely begun."

She paused for a few seconds before sniffling, "It's not just that. Even before that, our son has been suffering—and I feel so helpless. It's like he's holding it all in. He's like you; he never talks." She put down her hands and wiped away her tears. "I just want him to be freed."

Dad was silent afterwards. I wonder if he agreed, or if he just didn't want to argue. Mom kept talking about how the shrink they referred her to was one of the best. Dad just silently nodded like he always does, never saying a word. Mom sighed before letting out a small laugh. It sounded painful and forced. It was like she wanted to move on from the conversation. In the end, she was similar to my dad and I, always keeping things inside.

"That boy was nice," Dad said, suddenly.

I felt my lip twitch in response.

"Yeah, Amory. He's a friend of Apollo's. They met in the summer. Isn't he sweet? He came to the concert to hear him play. He said he had never heard anyone play like Apollo," she said.

"I see, he knows the right things to say," he laughed.
"I've never seen Apollo make friends with such a kind kid."

"He's very handsome," she added.

"Yeah, Mei would like him for sure."

"I'm sure someone more than just Mei would like him too," Mom said, clearing her throat.

"Yeah, April too."

Mom laughed.

"Ahh these kids. They'll drive you crazy," Dad said, sipping his coffee.

I tried staying in the next day, but April had convinced me to go dress shopping with her. Picking out dresses at the mall didn't seem like the most fun Saturday activity, but she liked it, so we might as well.

"Are you feeling better?" She asked.

"Yeah, I guess. I was meant to stay at home and rest, but you're the boss."

"Staying at home wouldn't do you much good. Don't you feel worse being locked up in a room? I wouldn't be able to do it," she said, placing several dresses in my arms.

"I could sleep."

"Apollo," April said, turning towards me. She carried a worried expression on her face. "Are you okay? Honestly? Yesterday, everyone was really scared. Some of those kids also said it wasn't the first time you'd fainted in public."

"I've passed out in public a couple of times," I said.

"Yeah, but that's not normal," she said.

"The doctor said I was dehydrated. I'm all good."

"Okay, but you'll tell me if it's more than that! Right?"

"Yes, Ma'am." I teased.

She smiled and continued looking through the racks. None of the dresses she put in my arms were pretty or nice, and I hope she was just kidding about a lot of them. This seemed like a test, and I was going to fail. If there was one thing I didn't understand was girls' fashion, and maybe even girls in general, but I think that applies to all boys.

"Which ones do you like in this pile?"

"The...green one?"

"I should have brought Mei," she said, shaking her head.

"You'll look nice in whatever you pick," I said. I think she could tell that I was bored and that I would say anything to go back home.

"Thanks, and thanks for saying yes to the dance. I really wanted to go with you," she said.

"No problem."

"Yeah, I was gonna take Lee since he's dateless."

"Mei is still taking Amory?" I asked.

"Yeah, they both have their outfits ready." April said, putting some dresses back.

"Oh." I fiddled with the rhinestones on one of the dresses. Slowly tracing my fingers over them back and forth like. It felt nice.

April glanced at me and then back at the dresses.

"Should I even wear a dress?" She asked.

"Huh?" I was interrupted from my thoughts, "Isn't that what we came here for?"

"Do you want me to wear a dress?" She asked.

"I don't know what else you'd wear?" I said, confused. She looked over towards the men's section at the suits.

"Would you like it if I wore a suit?" She asked.

"What? Are you being serious? You hate wearing pantsuits. Why would you like to wear a regular suit?" I asked.

"I was just joking..." she chuckled. "I really do hate pantsuits."

I glanced towards the suits and back at April. That wasn't her type of humor, so why would she ask me-

"This one! It's super cute, hot, and it would look great with your outfit," she said, pulling out a silver body-con dress.

"It'll look great."

She nodded and ran towards the dressing room as I trailed behind.