The Beautiful You

Eight - Starting Line

"Today we remember Jackson Asher and the joy he..." I drowned out Principal Winchester and stared at Jackson's photo that was projected on the screen behind him. There was sweat dripping down his forehead, all the way down to his neck. He wore a smile that reminded me of how happy he was that day. April grabbed my hand and I looked down at her face. She had tears welling up in her eyes, and a small smile. The kind of smile that comes right before the wave of sadness. A wave that knocks you to your knees and submerges you until you're swept away, kicking and thrashing to reach the surface. I knew that feeling all too well.

I squeezed her hand and turned my attention back to the photo. Jackson had just won our school the state championship, something he had dreamed of. So, how could this photo have been taken two months before he died? I remember this day. I remember this exact moment, I remember hearing him laugh. He was just here.

I turned to face Mei, who was sitting in the row behind us. She kept her head down and avoided looking at the image on the screen. Her short black hair draped her face, and her hands were clutching a purple wristband. It was the same purple wristband that Jackson wore in the photo. It was on his wrist while he held the trophy up to his face. Mei rarely talked about Jackson, but that didn't mean she wasn't sad. April told me she still cried a lot, and that her parent's had been waiting months to find her a therapist. Mei had every reason to be upset; she was close to Jackson in a way that was different from her closeness to Lee.

Mei and Lee were close, but Jackson and Mei were like brother and sister. And Jackson did not take his responsibilities lightly. "No one is good enough for our Mei-Mei," Jackson would say.

Having female friends was much different than having male friends, in my opinion. Girls were wonderful in their own right, but they were much kinder than guys, and that felt nice. It was a wonder why men were allowed to be anywhere near them. We had agreed that when it came to Mei and April, we would go to any lengths for them.

But I feel like we've betrayed them, and now that the time has actually come, I'm frozen. Instead, anything I do only makes matters worse. I feel like we're holding on by a thread.

I watched as one of the school councilors approached her and escorted her out of the assembly. It was probably best if she got away from it all. That photo most likely reminds us all of that night. That night, when everything was perfect, we were happy.

I wish I could go back and tell them they were idiots and I envied them.

The assembly had been short but was mainly to remind the students and staff of the resources available to us. You know, if we had trouble adjusting, grieving, or dealing with any issues of our own. "Did your parents sign you up for the wellness sessions?" April asked, walking beside me to our history class.

"We talked about it for a second, but they said I didn't have to," I said.

"How about grief counseling?" She asked.

"They said I should, but I said no. I think they're trying their best to make all of this normal."

"Mei's parents might have talked to all our parents. They said that all of Jackson's friends should consider it. Not just the counseling, but therapy too. I think Mei really scared them since her parents were never really... about this kind of stuff," she said.

At first, Mei's parents had a hard time trying to understand what their daughter was going through. They had an even harder time understanding what Jackson had done. It was something my parents also struggled with.

My mom didn't understand why Jackson would do something like that, and my dad used to believe mental illness wasn't a big deal; it was just a weakness. I think the reason why he had changed his mind was because he had known Jackson. In his eyes, Jackson wasn't weak; instead, he learned that Jackson was actually sick.