mind, body, and soul | lee felix

thirty one

I take a step forward and Emily lets me pass her without a word. Christopher lets go of Felix, stepping back and watching us. I feel as if I'm moving in slow motion, watching a train wreck happen in front of me, unable to stop it.

I stand before Felix, eyes still searching for any glimpse of him. But all I can see is the dead look in his eyes, like he's lost any will to stay alive. As if the only reason he's still standing is because Christopher was propping him up before.

"Felix," I say, my voice dropping to a whisper. "Please."

Lifting a hand to his cheek, I trace the line of his cheekbones as I outline his freckles. Felix's eyes flutter closed, and I swear I felt him lean into my touch. I take a step closer to him and that's when he pulls away, rejecting me and my touch.

"No," he says firmly but monotone. "Angels can't love. It's not something we can do." I stare at Felix, at a loss for words. They can't love? But it wasn't all a lie. Right?

That memory I have of us in his old room, when he kissed me and made me promise I would never leave him. I felt his love. I felt his love when he brushed my hair from my forehead as I died. I felt his love as he told me I got to decide how I lived. Felix told me he loved me. So how could he say he never did?

Christopher walks over to us, smiling broadly. He ruffles Felix's good-naturedly, as if they're best friends. Felix doesn't react to it, not even blinking.

Something's up, I decide. Maybe they brainwashed him or are forcing him to do this. Surely he's not like this on purpose. Something is wrong.

Glaring at Christopher, I take another step forward.

"What did you do to him?" I clench my fists, unable to look at Felix anymore. He looks so broken, and if I keep watching him, my heart won't be able to take it. "What did you do?"

Christopher has the nerve to laugh and look over at Emily, who has an irritatingly similar smirk on her face.

"It's not what we did, angel." I glance at Felix quickly enough to see his jaw clench at the use of his pet name. I breathe in sharply, relieved that my Felix is still there. Somewhere. "It's what Jisung did."

I tear my gaze away from Felix to stare at Christopher in shock. "Jisung..." I furrow my eyebrows, confused. Christopher just laughs again, shaking his head in mock pity.

"Poor thing," he says, smirking. "You never did get the full story. Felix just told you what he thought made for a good memory. He left out the best parts."

He nods at Emily, who starts talking. Christopher leaves the room, not sparing Felix or I another look.

"Jisung and Felix didn't exactly have the best relationship," Emily says, her voice becoming smoother and more melodious. My throat starts to burn, encouraging me to cry. Emily always adopted that tone whenever she was telling a story. I don't understand why she's acting so distant now. Was it all a lie?

"Felix fell in love with you, and Jisung, to say the least, got jealous." Emily clicks her tongue and pouts. "He wanted to know what it was like, to feel so strongly for someone that you would sacrifice everything for. Jisung begged Felix to let him meet you, right?"

Emily brushes her hand along the top of Felix's shoulders, him not reacting at all. He's acting as if she's not even there. Felix is just looking at me, his eyes wide and lips pursed. 

Felix widens his eyes more, begging me to do something. But what? I shake my head slightly; I have no idea what he wants me to do. Thinning his lips, Felix mouths something to me.

She said 'Felix fell in love with you'.

My eyes widen to match Felix's, my mouth opening in an "O" shape. She did say that. So angels can fall in love?

Before Emily can say another word, I stop her.

"So you had Felix lie to me, then?" Emily tilts her head, lifting an eyebrow. 

"What? No, my star, he lied to you! He never told you the true story, about how Jisung was the real reason you died, how Jisung made his deal with my mom, and how Felix is back here because of Jisung. I didn't tell him to lie to you. Ever." I smile sadly, unconsciously clenching my fists. 

"You said that Felix fell in love with me," I say slowly, waiting for Emily to realize. She doesn't, though, she just nods and looks at me.

"Yeah, he did. I didn't think anyone could love someone as much as he loves you. I mean," Emily laughs, scoffing at Felix. "He's here now, after failing to get you back. Love turns you pathetic."

I flinch at her words, noting how Emily smiles as she watches me.

"Aww, you thought what we had was real, didn't you?" Emily walks over to me, taking her hand and propping my chin up to force eye contact. "Chris needed you to be distracted so you wouldn't fall for Felix in time. So, I helped out. But don't think for a second that you got the devil's daughter to love you. Because you didn't."

With those words, Emily turns her back on me to face Felix. She begins to say something but I cut her off.

"Felix loved me." Emily turns around slowly, her smirk slowly disappearing. "Angels can love, and he loves me right now. So don't make him lie to my face."

In my peripheral vision, I see Felix smile slightly. Sneaking a glance at him, I can see some light return to his eyes. I have to fight to keep my smile hidden. I'm getting him back, little by little.

Emily frowns, her eyes narrowing. Taking a step closer to me, she gets into my personal space. I hold my ground, however, not letting her intimidate me into moving or flinching. I don't know this person; she's not the same Emily I fell in love with.

"You think it's genuine?" I nod to her question, not breaking eye contact with her. "Does Jisung?"

Emily steps back as the door opens again, this time revealing Christopher and Jisung at the entrance. I see Felix tense out of the corner of my eye as Jisung enters confidently, as if he owns the room.

When Jisung sees me, he smiles and waves. 

"Missed me?"