mind, body, and soul | lee felix

twenty three

^^^^ this felix picture. you're welcome.

Jisung sighs loudly, rubbing his hands over his face.

"Okay, I have two options. Either kill both of you so I don't have to suffer, or I find someone to love because I am so done with the two of you. Like, I get you're soulmates or whatever, but for real. I'm so lonely; you don't need to rub it in!"

Jisung glares at us, walking past us, not the least bit stable. He almost looks drunk, in the way that he's wobbling back and forth. He makes it a few steps before stumbling against the wall. He looks over his shoulder at us, annoyed.

"Yes, I see how it is. You'd rather watch me suffer than help. Understood."

Felix, to my surprise, laughs. He shakes his head fondly and lets me go to help his brother. He lets Jisung wrap his arm around his shoulder and starts to walk him across the lot to the street. Felix looks behind him to look at me, motioning for me to follow them.

As I walk behind them, I think about what Christopher said. If I don't fall in love with Felix in two days, I have to spend the rest of my afterlife with him, the son of the devil? As much as I care for Felix, his judgment had been way off. Did he really think that I could fall in love with him in time?

I watch Felix's back as he supports Jisung. It's scary how much I don't know about him and his decisions. It's not hard to fall in love with the person Felix presents, but how do I know that he's actually like that? His sweet, caring, selfless actions; is that really how he acts all of the time?

I shake my head at myself. This doubt wasn't here before. Could it have been planted by Christopher? Is that possible?

Felix has been nothing but good to you, I chide myself. Even though the beginning was rough, he has treated you amazingly. Stop doubting him; you have to trust someone to love them. 

Felix and Jisung stop at the road, Felix pulling out his phone. Within minutes, a car comes down the street. Felix helps Jisung in and turns to me, a hand out. I stare at him, then the car. Felix chuckles at my bewildered expression, coming closer and brushing my hair behind my ear.

"I ordered an Uber," he says, his eyes sparkling at me. "It's normal. I promise."

"You know what's not normal," I say, trying to act like nothing's wrong. "The Uber coming so quickly."

Felix laughs again and tries to grab my hand, but I quickly dodge him, getting into the car. I hate Christopher for getting into my mind like this, but I can't help it. 

Felix gets in behind me, shutting the door. He tells the guy driving that we want to go to a specific place that I don't recognize. I glance at Jisung with a questioning look; he just shrugs, as confused as I am.

The driver drops us off at a place I've never been, but I get intense deja vu the second I step out of the car. When Jisung follows me out, he sucks in a breath, immediately turning to Felix.

"This place? Of all the places to bring her, you brought her here?" Jisung's genuinely shocked; he's not moving from the sidewalk. Felix is already walking towards the door, ignoring both of us. I run to catch up with him, leaving Jisung to struggle on his own.

"Lix," I say, tugging on his shirt. "Why is this place so familiar?" Felix turns around, walking backwards as he talks to me.

"Maybe it's because we used to live here."

I stop walking, staring after Felix. Jisung rests his hand on my shoulder, more for his benefit than mine. 

"What?" I say, unable to do anything but blink rapidly at Felix. He just laughs and knocks on the door, waiting. 

I turn around to face Jisung, who has an apologetic smile on his face.

"What?" I repeat, more firmly. Jisung shrugs at me, leaning heavily on my shoulder.

"Yeah," he says, a little out of breath. "But it's not really my place to tell you this story, so..." Jisung pushes me towards Felix, unsteadily following on his own.

The door opens to reveal a middle aged woman, who smiles at Felix and I. She steps aside to let us in, closing the door behind us.

"You are back!" she says happily. "It's been months; how was your trip?" I stare at Felix, utterly confused. He doesn't seem to be lost at all; he smoothly steps in and hugs the woman gently.

"It was amazing, honestly! The best honeymoon I think we could've asked for." Felix looks over at me, begging me to play along. "Don't you think so, love?"

I force a smile, nodding. "Yeah, for sure." It sounds fake to my ears, and I see Jisung grimace at my bad acting out the corner of my eye, but the woman eats it up.

"Good, good! I'm so happy you were able to have a good start! Well, nothing has happened; I was just finishing cleaning up."

Felix nods and smiles at the woman, taking his wallet out of his back pocket and pulling out some money for her. He tries to hand it to her, but she shakes her head strongly and refuses it, already halfway out the door.

"No, you paid me beforehand!" She waves happily at us, leaving. "Have a good day!"

She shuts the door and I turn to Felix, desperately needing an explanation. Jisung looks back and forth between us, as if we're a tennis match.

Felix comes closer to me, probably coming to back hug me or hold my hand or some affection. I avoid him by taking a few steps back, leaning against the counter. His face drops and he takes a step back, looking down at the ground.

He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck before looking back up at me.

"Angel, before you died, we were planning to have a life together, you know? We bought a house and had real future plans. This is the place we bought. Don't you remember?" Felix's eyes hold too much hope for me to pretend like I do. 

Shaking my head, I fold my arms across my chest and bite my lip, not wanting to say what I'm about to. Felix comes closer slowly, keeping his arms by his side.

"Please tell me what's wrong," he says quietly, trying to make eye contact. "Don't shut me out now." I lift my head to look up at him.

"I won't be able to love you."