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TITLE OF THE STORY : NASIEKO AUTHOR :CruzTahj REVIEWED BY : CARINO
COVER :
The cover was quite good, showing all the characters present in the story. The font of the title was big enough to be visible for the readers.
TITLE :
There's not much to say for the title. At first, I felt confused because of the word ( I didn't know the meaning ) but then later when I read the story I realized that it was the name of the MC. The subtitle "Mafia Romance" is what gave me the hint that this story is connected to mafia.
BLURB :
Your blurb was rather too short to describe anything. Add some punchlines and increase the length of the blurb. Blurb is the one which intrigues the reader to hit that 'read' button, so make it a little longer
VOCABULARY :
Your vocabulary was wide and impressive. There were many complex words throughout the story, some of whose meaning even I didn't know. You didn't overuse them so good job for that.
GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION :
I noticed some errors in the first chapter, like "...so close his shoulder brushed with mine" It should be "....so close that his shoulder brushed with mine." Another one : Instead of this line, "We got all the time, I'm a good listener too..." Write this, "I am all ears." Another : Instead of this "I found home in darkness" Write this, "I found my home in darkness." There were many typos and I'll suggest you to proofread before publishing a chapter. The punctuations were on point.
STORYLINE :
Your storyline was quite interesting. The last chapter literally broke my heart. Some part of your story were so deep and I really enjoyed it. I personally love your use of cliffhangers.
DESCRIPTIONS :
The descriptions were on point. I could clearly imagine the characters. Just a suggestion : Try to describe the surroundings as well. Describing the places adds and extra effect to the story. Like when Mike visited that gym, you can add more description of how the place looked like, what all equipments it had, how many people were there, what type not noises were coming and many more.
PACE OF THE STORY :
Some parts of your story were rushed. Like the car scene between the MC and Mike. Just some minutes ago she denied to kiss him and was feeling sad about losing Robin and next second I see her almost having sex with Mike. Its even weirder that she falls for him so fast. Take time and slow down, nobody falls in love so fast. If there is a time lapse, tell the readers about it.
CHARACTERS/DIALOGUES :
The dialogues were well written but I really felt that Nas's character was weird. She says that she's in love with Robin and then fucks Mike. Like how can she forget him so easily and fuck a complete stranger. ( It happened to fast ) Another thing : When she was at Mike's place and picks up his phone, Mike gets angry and tells her to stay away from it amd she obeys. Its so weird, not even for a second she thinks that what he's hiding. I find it strange, like how she doesn't finds it suspicious? In chapter 7, Mike comes to visit her hearing her cry. Doesn't Nas finds it weird that how he found her address ?
OVERALL ENJOYMENT :
I enjoyed the story and maybe would like to read further.
