Hype

~Chapter 20~

           All day Sunday I slept and sat around, but that was in the afternoon.  In the morning, we all went to church as usual.  I can’t even tell you how glad I was that I didn’t have work.  I needed a break.  I gained a bit of joy once I looked at the messages on my phone.  It had been buzzing nonstop for hours.  I didn’t want to deal with what was going on.  I was glad once I did though.  There were tons of messages from everyone: Jana, Jasmine, Ginger, and Hayden−all apologizing for what happened.  Only, Hayden’s had a distinct part.  After she apologized, she said: “Are you okay?  You didn’t really seem like yourself last night…” 

           From Wednesday, I had still been in my bummed-out mood.  I didn’t understand it.  Things just looked so…bleak.  I don’t know why, but I told Hayden that−not like she would understand or anything.  Let’s face it; everyone knows that Hayden and I never are on the same page.  Anyway, I mentioned to Hayden that yes, I haven’t been feeling like myself for the past week.  I can’t seem to shake my bad mood.  It was so embarrassing.  Never in my life did I think I would be like one of those “woe is me” people.  It surprised me how Hayden was able to comprehend my message, just not in the way that I planned.  Here’s what the message said:

            “To me, it sounds like you have depression.” 

            I freaked.  There was no way, and I mean no way, that I, Freya Freeman, could have depression.  Like I’ve said, that’s not even real.  “That’s ridiculous!  I don’t have depression!!”  I responded.  Would you like to know what she told me? 

              “Look up the symptoms if you want to be a smart-aleck about it.” 

            Just to prove her wrong, I went straight over to my computer, and searched “depression symptoms.”  There were a lot of sites that came up.  After looking at two pages, I wanted to stop.  There was a pretty straight forward list of the symptoms:  change in appetite, feelings of sadness, loss of interest in things that one once found pleasurable, change in sleep habits, and a decrease in energy.  The list goes on.  I panicked when I saw it.  Change in appetite: not being able to eat my lunch during school.  Feelings of sadness: my horrible mood for the past few days.  Loss of interests: not wanting to sing in chorus anymore.  Change in sleep habits: not being able to wake up since Thursday.  Decrease in energy: this morning, I felt like I couldn’t even move because I was so tired.   

             I shut my computer down.  This can’t be right.  I’m getting all worked up over nothing.  You can’t have depression if you only have the symptoms for a few days, right?  My eyes went to the window.  It was warming up outside, so I played basketball in the driveway with Faith and Fox.  The fresh air seemed to help a little.  The rest of the day, I kept my online findings a secret.  I there was no way I was going to tell Mom or Dad, and I didn’t even bother responding to Hayden. 

             Monday, Monday.  It was the same as the week before.  Get up early, have Mom drop me off.  I went to my locker, then the library.  With my hectic weekend, my math homework hadn’t crossed my mind.  I rushed through it, but at least it was done.  Homeroom, I laid my head down on my desk.  I was about to fall asleep right there.  Once again, I didn’t get a lot of shuteye.  The whole night I was tossing and turning about the depression thing.  I think it’s just that thought of “there’s something wrong with me.”  Not to mention that I was terrified.  I kept on thinking that if I told my parents, they would ship me straight off to the loony-bin.  Right now, there’s no way I’m going anywhere.  I need to finish up my year and graduate.    

              Mai didn’t even say anything to me when she walked in.  There’s a good chance I wouldn’t either if I saw one of my friends sleeping.  The rest of my day was pretty much boring up until lunch.  I sat with Hope and Mai of course, trying as hard as I could to force down my salad with Italian dressing.  Hope was elated, bouncing up and down in her chair.    

           “So, are you ready for next weekend Freya?” 

          Next weekend?  What?  I stopped eating for a second.  “What’s next weekend?” 

          Her jaw dropped.  “What?  It’s Senior Prom.  Aren’t you going?” 

          I laughed.  “I wasn’t planning on it,” 

         Hope was in total disbelief.  “But…why?  It’s Senior Prom.  This is one of the most important things in our lives!” 

         I sighed.  “Listen, I don’t feel like going.  I don’t even have a dress−and I’ve heard about the dancing that goes on in public schools.  Don’t the both of you have dates anyway?  Because I don’t, and I have no desire to get one.” 

        Mai looked up from her book.  “What?  You don’t need a date to go.  Neither of us have one.  There’s tons of people that don’t−“ 

        Hope crossed her arms.  “Do you mean that the dancing is dirty?  Because only the whores do that.  We don’t.  And besides…there won’t even be room to dance.” 

           I tried to figure out what she was saying.  “What do you mean, there ‘won’t be room to dance’?  Isn’t it just going to be in one of the gyms?” 

         Mai laughed.  “No.  Not even close.” 

         So, the entire lunch period, I got an in-depth explanation of Senior Prom.  I found the location to be interesting.  The prom was going to be held on a boat.  A dinner cruise, actually.  Quite frankly to me, it doesn’t seem like there would be a lot of time for all of the dirty dancing that I’ve heard about.  Believe it or not, I didn’t get that fact from Reverend, I got it from Hayden.  She told me that at all her previous public school dances, people would wear dresses up to their backsides, do dirty moves, and make out with their boyfriends on the dance floor.  At Mercy, we weren’t allowed to have dances.  We had banquets instead.  You get dressed up, eat a bunch of fancy food, and leave. 

         I needed to get out more−other than work.  When Hope said “Senior Prom” my mind was saying “no way.”  But once they started explaining it, it did sound kind of…fun.  I’m going to miss my Senior Banquet with my Mercy friends anyway.  I might as well go and do something instead of just working or lying around the house.  At the end of lunch, I was being begged to go by Hope.  With much conniving, I agreed to go.  I guess it’s settled now.  Senior Prom next weekend.