Shards of Sanity (Book 6, Forgotten Series)

Epilogue: Part Two

Talk to him

The voice was a faint whisper in my ear and I tilted my head as I picked at the dry leaf in my hand, tearing it into pieces. I wasn't sure where I had gotten or why I had it but I did.

"Why?" I swayed from side to side as I moved, following the direction that seemed to be pulling me.

Say goodbye

I tilted my head the other way as I pulled another chunk of the leaf off, rolling it between my fingers as it crumbled. "To who?" I hummed lightly as I let the bits of leaves fall from my hand and into the snow.

To him

I shrugged, "Okay." I looked up and spotted the stones and smiled. I gave an excited wave. "Hi, Catherine!" I bounced towards her stone and knelt in front of it. "How are you today?" I stared at the stone intently as I shifted. "I'm okay, Shey had the baby. He's adorable." I felt my eyes water as I thought about his tiny hand grabbing my finger. It was so sweet and cute and I didn't know how to handle the feelings that were welling up in my chest. "He's just so cute and I don't know what to do with how I feel about it." It was like it crashed over me, my chest felt overly warm and tight and I couldn't hold onto anything through it. My throat felt tight and I felt my bottom lip tremble before I felt like I was nudged.

Say goodbye

I tilted my head at Catherine's stone and blinked. "To who?" I was nudged again and I looked over at the smaller stone that Micheal had set down. It looked off and strange next to Catherine's and Bethany's. I didn't like it there. "But I didn't love him." I pressed a hand to my stomach, a pain rattling around in my head as memories tried to slip in. I shook my head rapidly, pressing a hand to it. "Let it go. I don't need it. Let it go." I focused on the words and the pain slid away, lingering in the darkness that surrounded my mind at times.

Say goodbye

The voice was more insistent and I stared at the little stone before I crawled over to it, sitting down in front of it. "I didn't love you." I didn't and I wasn't going to lie. I never loved him. He was not meant to be born, he was not mine. "I didn't want you." That harsh pain threatened to crack the foundations of my mind and I gritted my teeth as I pressed the heel of my hand to my forehead. "No love." I pushed through it, seeking the answers, something that would satisfy her. "There was no love for you here... It's why you had to go back." The words seemed pulled from me and slowly the pain faded away and my hand fell to my lap. "I couldn't love you like you needed." I couldn't love him, couldn't be what he needed.

He is okay, going away

There was a bit of comfort to the words and I let out a small sigh. "I hope he goes to a better family." I did. I hoped he found the love he never would have gotten from me.

She gives another

I tilted my head at that, looking towards Catherine's stone. "Gives who?"

You

I was pulled away, across the tides. I felt icy and cold and Mene called to me, her voice a distant echo that grew closer and closer. My child. It echoed around me again and again and I tried to breath, struggling through the pressure of the veil on my body. I tell of a gift, something I could give you even when you are so far from me. I felt icy fingers grasping my face, turning it this way and that even though I could see nothing but black. I give you another. You are ready this time. The words were a cold rasp against my flesh, a dancing of the mother goddess's voice against my skin. I was not built to go over the tides and through the veil. I was not safe across there yet she brought me and I needed to listen. He is nestled within you, waiting for your love. Take care of him for me. I struggled to inhale right as I was shoved back across the tides and away from the veil.

I curled up, struggling to breath through the shudders that encased my body. I felt icy cold right down to my bones and I suddenly wanted a bath. I wanted a nice hot bath, to sink into the soapy water and chase the ice from my bones.

"What are you doing out here? It's cold out." At the baritone voice I turned to Micheal, smiling wide at him, the cold all but forgotten. I loved him a lot. He filled my mind with calm and the pain receded when I was with him. He soothed the hurt and chased away the darkness that lingered around me. "Your teeth are chattering." He moved closer, draping his heavy coat over my shoulders once he got close enough. I huddled inside of it, covering my nose as I shivered. I loved him so much. He made everything straighten, everything balance. When he was with me my mind was calm and even. I could think with him around.

He sat on the ground behind me, pulling me onto my lap. "So why are you out here?" He made a low sound of questioning as I leaned against his chest, staring at the little stone, my cold fingers trailing over my stomach.

"I was saying goodbye." I could remember that much. I was saying goodbye to a boy because he needed something I couldn't give him. Love. "I didn't love him but I wanted to say goodbye. He is going to a new family and he cannot hang onto me anymore." I wanted to close my eyes and sink into the heat of Micheal's embrace as he looped his arms around my waist. He was always so warm. I wanted to press myself against his skin so he could chase the cold away from my bones.

"It's good for you to help him let go." He nuzzled the back of my head and I leaned against him further. I liked it when he touched me, I liked affection. I didn't have affection before, with Adam. I just had darkness and pain. I squeezed my eyes shut and told myself to let it go, that I didn't need it. The thoughts slowly fell away and I let out a happy sigh. "Did you think of that yourself?" At that I immediately shook my head.

"She told me to do it." The voice that followed me since I had been bound to Micheal. It wasn't Mene, it was someone closer to us both. I figured it was Catherine but I wasn't sure. I couldn't see the voice so I didn't know if it was the blond female Micheal loved.

Loves you too

I waved the voice off slightly, I knew he loved me. I could smell it on him. It smelled like warm happiness and sweetness. I snuggled into his lap further as my hand once again fell to my belly. There was something important, Mene had told me. "Alphas are happy with the baby." The cute little boy that made me want to cry. He made my chest full and my lungs tighten. I didn't know what to do with how I felt.

"They are very happy with the baby." He chuckled as his arms tightened around me. I grabbed his hand, sliding it into the jacket and pressing it to my tummy. She had given me another.

"Will you be happy with our baby?" I knew I would. Mene was right, I was ready this time. I wanted a baby that Micheal held in his arms and nuzzled. I wanted to see him cradling a little boy to his chest that belonged to us, just us two. I noticed he had stiffened and I looked up at him, he was staring at me with wide eyes and I blinked. "Will you?" I pressed his hand firmer to my stomach. Mene had told me and it would come to pass. It always did.

He swallowed several times before he blinked. "Are you sure?" His touch grew firmer, his fingers splaying so he could touch as much of my stomach as possible.

"Mene says she gave me another because I'm ready for it now." I frowned slightly, glancing at Bethany's stone. He had a baby and she died. I wondered if he was ready. "Are you ready?" I looked up at him, my heart in my throat because I wanted him to be happy because when he was happy I was happy too.

He looked down at me before a smile slowly spread across his face. He beamed at me so brightly I felt that warm and tight feeling in my chest. I felt the wave of emotions I didn't understand or know what to do with. I swallowed against the lump in my throat and tried to blink away the wetness in my eyes as I looked at him. He bent down and kissed me, a heavy kiss that tasted of happiness and tears, a kiss that made me think of home and love and a place without dark.

He pulled back and I burst into tears, not knowing what else to do with all the feeling inside me. "Why are you crying?" He sounded distressed and I struggled against the sobs. I wanted to tell him, didn't want to distress him but I couldn't stop. My chest and heart were just too full.

"I'm just so happy!" I wailed it out as I threw my arms around him, holding him tight because I knew that as long as Micheal held me, I could figure out what I didn't know.

And even if I didn't, he would carry me through it all the same.