How I Heal

twenty four

Getting to the hospital took no time, but the bustle to rush him inside was what brought me back to my senses.

Collision, hurried footsteps, constant rushed, frightened faces, it was all a bustle of movement and feet, each step characterized by the need of a doctor to save a patient's life.

My eyes scanned Harry's entirety.
Beads of sweat lined his forehead and his shirt was cut down the middle, his reddened chest lay bare and exposed and his hair- dampened from sweat, fell into eyes that could not see the turn of events. (Mostly because they could not stay open)

The sound of shallow breaths could no longer be heard, replaced instead with a deafening silence, that indicated that he was unconscious. I watched them drag his pale, almost lifeless body into the ER, as my bottom lip slipped into my mouth out of equal horror, shock and sadness at what was really taking place.

I forced my gaze in another direction so I wouldn't have to look at him, but that helped nothing.

A sudden tingle ran through my body followed by light spinning and dazzling, and I instantly stumbled backwards, suddenly incapable of holding my own weight.

My fingers held onto a chair for support as I slowly sat down, desperate to stop the room before me from spinning.

This was all too much.

I felt so inexplicably hurt- at the turn of events that unfolded before my very eyes. Just minutes after Harry had finally made himself present after a week of being missing, he was admitted to the hospital and I couldn't help but feel that numbing guilt that told me I could have stopped it somehow.

How did this happen?

Why did this happen? Would he be okay? When could I see him? What would happen when I did?

Scattered thoughts ran over my brain in seconds, each one more intrusive than the next as I bowed my head, trying to catch myself.

He would be okay. Everything would be okay.

It had to be.

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I lied.

Everything would not be okay.

After an hour of pacing the floor, and looking between the clock and passing patients, I had just about had enough.

I wasn't allowed to enter Harry's room, and I didn't want to make a scene, so I chose to obediently stay in the waiting room, but I couldn't do it anymore.

I really needed to access Harry more than ever, but I was constantly being told to "stay calm" and "wait patiently."

I had done exactly that, and I had waited as long as I could, but now, I was just tired of waiting.

I exhausted my sleeve so much, it probably wouldn't fit after I took it off, and my hands had found a permanent place rustling my hair at weird intervals. I was sure I looked insane.

How I looked wasn't at the forefront of my mind however. Harry was.

And I couldn't stop thinking about him until I was sure he was alright.

After an eventual mental breakdown or two, the man I assumed to be Harry's doctor finally walked up to me.

He held a clipboard between his fingertips as he scanned the words on each paper, finally looking up after a minute to say "Friend of Harry Styles?"

I nodded, eager for the acknowledgment and walked closer to him, wiping my sweaty hands on my jeans.

I had no clue what he would say next, but what I did know was I would not be prepared for it.

"Well, unfortunately, he's not in the best possible condition." He finalized, pursing his lips. "I must ask considering that I am under the impression that you and him are close." A breath escaped his lips as he scanned his papers again. "There seems to be no account of medical history here and I find that extremely strange based on his condition. Do you by chance know if Harry has been taking medication of any kind?"

My lips formed a frown at his words, my mood switching from worried to confused in mere seconds.

"Medication?" I muttered. "His condition? I don't follow."

"Oh you're not aware.." he trailed off, pursing his lips again. He looked back down at his clipboard before giving me a sympathetic glance. "Based on his symptoms, Harry seems to be suffering from adenocarcinoma-"

"Adenocarcinoma?" I repeated, unsure of what he was trying to rely.

He let out another sigh as he gave me that same sad glance, placing his hands behind him. "This is going to be extremely hard to hear, and I am sorry that I have to tell you this, but your friend, he is suffering from a severe form of lung cancer."

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Don't come for me plz.