Back to the Start(nalu)

6- Games of Grief

I was falling.

Falling without end.

Or at least, I thought it was without end, until, all of a sudden, I seemed to land somewhere and I started to wake up due to the sounds of a voice.

"Natsu?"

Hmm?

The thoughts in my head start to resume after a night of sleeping, all of my previous overbearing feelings coming right back after my short little break. I keep my eyes shut, not wanting to wake up to another long day.

"Get up, Natsu."

Just leave me be.

Why does everybody feel the need to constantly be checking on me or talk to me? Now that I want to be alone, no matter what I do, there's always somebody knocking on my door or shaking me awake.

"Natsu, the train is about to leave Hargeon!"

Wait what?

My eyes snap open and I sit up abruptly, my head swimming at the sudden movement.

It takes a few moments for my eyes to adjust to the brightness of my surroundings and when my vision starts to clear I see Happy right in front of me.

Happy sighs in relief and grabs my shirt, pulling at me to get up.

"Finally, now let's go."

He pulls me to a standing position and I gaze around me at the train.

"When did we get on a train?...How did you get me on the train and why?"

Happy stops moving and answers me with an impatient tone.

"Quit playing around, Natsu. It was you who dragged me along to find Igneel so-"

I stop in my tracks.

"Igneel?"

My eyes widen and an uneasy feeling forms in the pit of my stomach, feelings of grief piling on. I start to feel irritated and my eyes set into a small glare at the mention of Igneel.

"What games are you playing, Happy? Is this some stupid scheme to get me out of bed?"

He looks back at me and is taken back by my serious expression.

"Someone told you about a Salamander in Hargeon, remember? You wanted to check it out... We've been checking out every little bit of info we've  gotten for the past month?"

What is he talking about?

I perk in a realization and look down at the clothes I wear. A red jacket that's been sitting in my closet for a while. Last time I checked it didn't fit me anymore.

I look around me, trying to make sense of the situation.

Igneel's dead. The last time Happy and I went following a lead of his whereabouts was...

My breathing halts.

The day I met Lucy.

Something jerks me forward and I snap back into my senses and see that Happy is pulling me towards the door. I stumble off the train and look around me.

What is this?

Why is Happy doing this? Did they all plan this? Did they all come up with this stupid plan and get me on a train in the middle of the night while I was asleep?

"Happy, I'm going home. Don't worry about Erza or Gray being mad because I'll deal with it."

Happy looks at me with a bewildered expression.

"What are you talking about? Was the train that hard on you today?"

He turns and starts walking, forcing me to follow to listen.

"Where did those two even come from. Sure Erza is scary but she's been gone a mission for almost two weeks. And Gray? Since when do you guys care what the other does. You never even speak besides when you start fighting!"

He stops finally and looks to me with an eyebrow raised.

"Did you hit your head or something without me realizing?"

My fists clench and my patience wavers.

"That's enough. Whatever plan you all had it's not going to work. Lucy's dead and I'm grieving! Why can't you all just leave me to grieve alone?"

Happy's face is a mixture of shock and confusion. He speaks slowly, being cautious to keep from angering me.

"Who's Lucy?"

My voice gets lost and nothing comes out of my mouth.

Happy loved Lucy. He was torn up after he found out...but there's nothing there. Absolutely nothing at the mention of her name. No sadness. No grief. No recognition of the name at all.

This isn't some game.

It doesn't make sense.

"-y gosh it's Salamander!"

A girl bumps into my shoulder and keeps running with a few others off down the street.

"Hurry, before we miss him!"

They disappear around the corner and my eyes are left staring where they went.

"Natsu did you hear that? It's Salamander!"

Everything that's happened...I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner.

Salamander. Hargeon. Happy.

And no Lucy.

It's that day almost three years ago, isn't it?

I'm dreaming. This must be a dream. Lucy's gone and she's not coming back.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

Dream or not I can't pass up the chance to see her again.

My eyes snap open and I break off into a sprint in the same direction. Happy comes after me, yelling my name from far behind me.

It's so real. This dream feels so real like it's actually happening....

Lucy's dead.

But if this is a dream then she might be there and I can't think of anything else that I could want right now than to see her.

I need to see her...