All The Small Things

171

[Luca POV]

I woke up from that memory and just couldn't cope. It was almost 2:45 in the morning. Jacob was passed out, and I didn't want to wake him. Especially considering he probably just hit REM. So, I tried to ignore my feelings until I felt tired again. I was scrolling until I saw a post on Kayden's account from a couple of days before he shot himself.

'So close to putting a bullet in my head :] not even kidding anymore, I'm so fucking serious.'

That's what the caption was, and it was under a picture of a gun. That tipped me over the edge. I couldn't manage. I didn't know what to do other than cut. And I knew it wasn't the right thing, but I had fucking nothing else I could think of doing. I slid out of bed, careful not to disturb Jacob. I stepped into the bathroom, gently shut the door, and sat down on the tile in front of the bathtub. I took my phone case off and held the blade in my hand for a minute. I was working up the nerve to really do it. I had only managed to do a few deep ones when knocking on the bathroom door startled me.
"Luca, I need to piss," Jacob sleepily shouted.
"Hang on," I answered, standing up and pulling my sleeve down. Thank fucking God this shirt is black. I roughly snapped my case back on and wiped my face as I opened the bathroom door. Jacob sighed and kissed my head before stepping past me and pulling down his sweatpants. I sat on the sink and rubbed my eyes, waiting for Jacob to be done so I could hold him.

"Show me your arms, baby," He gently said when his pants were pulled up and he was finished. I hesitated to pull my sleeve up.
"I'm not gonna be mad, Bug," He quietly assured me when he noticed tears starting to run down my face. I held out my left arm and let him pull my sleeve up while I tried to keep myself from crying any harder. He was silent for a second while looking over my cuts before grabbing a baby wipe and starting to wipe the blood off.
"Baby, you need to wake me up next time. Okay?" He said when he finished putting bandaids over them. There were more deep ones than I first thought. 8 of them were, and there were only three others. We also only had colorful bandaids.
"M sorry... Dady, 'm really sorry," I tried to apologize, sniffling.
"Shh, I know," He soothed me, picking me up and carrying me to the bedroom. I clung onto him and gently cried into his shirt.
"We need to get your long sleeve off," Dady quietly told me, sitting on the bed with me. I let go and leaned back so he could take it off.
"You wanna wear Daddy's shirt?" He cooed at me, making me nod. I want anything that smells like him. He pulled his short sleeve off and helped me slide it on, smiling at me before telling me to lay down.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt better. But I was little and felt nonverbal. I was willing to say very few words. Daddy, up, and more were the only words currently in my vocabulary. And I only said more when the sign wasn't getting the response I needed. Dady didn't change me out of my PJ'S since I wanted to keep his shirt on, and I don't like only changing one article of clothing while I keep on something I was wearing at the same time.
"Go get your shoes on," He directed me, making me pout and whine.
"Ah-Ah. Shoes. On," He dominantly told me, leaving absolutely zero room for me to argue. I grabbed Leo off the bed before going to get my sneakers. I wasn't happy about it, but I did. I noticed some of my bandaids were starting to come off, so while he tied my does for me, I pointed it out. He told me he'd ask Carter to swap them for new ones.

We pulled into his driveway, and I was just really hoping Sage wasn't mad at me anymore.
"Relax. You're okay," Dady said, rubbing my back. Carter opened the door and smiled at me, telling me to come inside before talking to Daddy.
"Hey, can you get new bandaids on the ones that are coming off?" I heard him ask as I walked to the kitchen. Sage was here, but Lexie wasn't. Maverick was, though. I sat down next to Sage and tried not to look at her in case she was still upset at me. I just focused on messing with Leo's fur.
"What happened," Sage asked me. Is she mad at me still?
"Nothin'. I just got owies," I lied. I've learned that when people ask that, they normally don't wanna hear me say I cut myself.
"How?" She asked, making me shrug again. I don't like talking about this stuff. It's really awkward. She let it go.