Lizzie And Mac

Chapter 13

Mea Fuckin Culpa

Mac

I just got a text from Cage, the prospect at the gate, Lizzie is on her way to the house, he said she looks wrecked, and I know she fucking is. It's 9:15 at night, she left the house before I arrived this morning. My girl has got to be exhausted. I'm fucking furious because she can't be healthy with this kind of schedule, and sure as fuck I know that I would take better care of her if she'd only fucking let me.  I also know I'm the asshole that made her feel like shit last night.

But this is where I get myself in trouble. It's not my damn choice for her to quit modeling, so I have to let it fucking go and just support her. So when she walks through this door, I'm going to show her how sorry I am, and how much I love her.

Hearing her walk up the front steps, I can tell that she's hesitant and worried about what she is going to encounter. I know that she and Stef were texting about me being here waiting for her, so it's not gonna be a surprise. But she sure as fuck, will be surprised when she hears what I have to say.

Opening the door I pull her in and tight against me, feeling her body stiff against mine, I whisper in her ear, softly kissing her cheek, my arms wrapped around her, fingers stroking her back, like I'm trying to comfort a frightened animal.

"I'm so sorry I was such an asshole Lizzie. I was a fuckin baby, striking out at you because I didn't get my way. I love you, there's nothing and no one who is ever gonna come between us, because I will do whatever the fuck I have to, to prove to you that you are every fucking thing in my life that's important. I'm so fucking sorry I hurt you." Sliding my hands up her back to her head, I cup her face inside my fingers, bending down to rest my forehead against hers I breathe deeply, and then continue my promises to her.

"I was drunk, I was stupid, and I let some bitches hang on me and spout stupid shit in my ear. Never at any point was I ever considering touching any of those girls, no matter how drunk I could be, I'd never be able to look at a girl as an option to you. I don't think I could even get hard for another girl. You're it for me sweet girl, you have been for a long fucking time now."

"Get the fuck away from my daughter douchebag.  Or I'll throw you out of this fuckin room."  Stone fucking growls at me as he enters the room.

Trying to pull back from me, Lizzie turns her head away, but I still see her tears.

"Sorry Stone, I'm just trying to tell her how sorry I am."  Fucking weak words from my weak fucking brain.

"I'm ok Stone, he'll be leaving in a moment.  You're saying all the right things now Mac, but last night, the only words coming out of your mouth were angry and poisonous and mean. So why should I believe what you have to say now, and not what you were telling me last night? I'm supposed to believe you just because you're sober now, and you can paint a prettier picture? You were totally pissed at me because I wouldn't do what you wanted for me to do with my own freaking life! My decisions for MY life that went against your views, and that made it ok for you to run to the club, run to the tequila, run to the club girls and trash the feelings that I thought we had for each other?"

Shaking my head, I try to sputter out my response.

"No baby, you're right. It IS your life, and just because I want to take care of you, and I think you should do what I want you to do, it doesn't make it ok for me to fuck up everything. And don't say the feelings we 'had' for each other, we love each other now and fucking always. I've loved you for so long now, and I'll love you till the last breath I take and I'll still fucking love you till you join me in the next world. I'm an asshole half the time, and a fucking idiot the other half. But all the time, I'm the idiot asshole who's in love with you." I slide my hands back down her body pulling her tightly against me, breathing her in, kissing the top of her head, I rest my cheek on her hair.