Lizzie And Mac

Chapter 12

Oh Fuck No, I Woke Up To A Hell Of My Own Creation, And I Don't Know What To God Damn Do About It

The Next Morning

Mac

Holy fuck I feel like shit. Full on cotton mouth, pounding headache, rolling stomach, and a mouth that tastes like two day old puke. Lying in my bed I start recounting the previous day and night. Starting with my asshole blowout fight with Lizzie in the morning, then on to my dick bag drink fest during the day, and finishing up with the epic cluster fuck at the club last night.

I've really fucked everything up.

I can't believe I was talking with those bitch girls, actually listening to their advice and shitty talk about Lizzie, fucking drinking and partying with them. I've even got a vague memory of some chick on my lap and Savanna under my arm when Lizzie walked in to the party. Unfortunately I also very clearly remember my shitty fucking words to Lizzie.

"You're so fucking screwed man. Steffi said that Lizzie was so sad when she was leaving the club last night, and then those shitty bitches followed her out to the car to keep up their rancid comments." Slaters voice comes at me from the floor next to my bed.

"What the fuck are you doing on the floor man? And what rancid comments did the skank squad make to Lizzie?" Both those seem like fairly obvious questions.

"Dude, I came in here to check on you and found Savanna in bed with you, you're moaning and groaning, puking on the side of your bed, a fucking mess. I sent Savanna out, but fuck dude, she was in your bed, I don't what or if something happened, but that was fucked up. "  Closing my eyes, I give in to the throbbing in my head, the rolling and heaving in my stomach, I break out in a cold, full body sweat and launch myself off the bed and I run into the bathroom, where I lose it and vomit all the shit in my stomach into the toilet.  After a few more rounds, I finally sense that there isn't a god damn thing left in my body, I wash my face, brush my teeth and head out to face whatever else Slater has to tell me.

Oh Fuck.

"Oh Shit, what the fuck happened? I swear there's no way I could get it up for that bitch, as much as she's tried over the past couple months, I've never once chubbed up. There's nothing about that girl or any other girl that I want.  I swear Slate, I wouldn't do that to her!  I know that I've barely got a hold on her now, no way would I fuck it up!"   I'm pretty much in a low level panic now, because I was a total asshole last night, she wouldn't be wrong to kick me to the curb.

Shit.

Standing in the shower with the hot water pounding on my back, I'm trying to figure out how and why I spent the last 24 hours being the biggest dick possible to Lizzie. All I want to do is take care of the girl, love her, and spend all the time I can with her. But instead of telling her that, I acted like a raging macho asshole. Then I finish it off with hanging out and partying with girls who have always treated her like shit. Being totally honest with myself, I know that I wanted to make her jealous, let her see other girls wanting me, I kind of thought that would push her to do I what I wanted. But instead, I felt like shit, I let other girls touch me, even if I wasn't going to do anything with them, I put that idea out there. Then Lizzie sees me, and fuck, any doubt that I was doing the wrong thing by partying with the bitches, well I once I saw her face, I fucking knew I was wrong. Then the sad and heartbroken look on her face? Yeah I fucking put that there, I put those fucking tears in her eyes, and I made her doubt my love for her. Fuck me.

I know I've been a dick, and I know that I'm fucking wrong. I may not agree with her reasons, but she's got them, she believes in them, and fuck it, it's her life so she gets to decide what she's gonna do. I'm gonna have to fuckin man up and just be the pussy yes man, because if that girl isn't happy, then I'm certainly not fuckin happy.