Lizzie And Mac

Chapter 9

A Little Scared, A Lot Of Hopeful, A More Than A Little Doubtful

January 8

Lizzie 17

This winter break blew. Steffi and I have been sick since January 1. The doctor said we had strep throat, and believe me, it has been so painful! We have been in bed the entire time, at first just fevered, ailing and sleeping, then we were watching movies and TV, reading books, playing stupid games on TV. Jack hung out with us quite a bit, I guess that meant that the skanks at the club were pretty lonely this week. Jack is a fun guy, handsome and sweet, and a complete and total flirt, but he doesn't flirt at all with me. We see each other as brother and sister, so Jack seeing Steffi and me in bed all week with horrible bed hair and strep throat breath, wasn't a problem for us, we just made him our nurse and he catered to most of our needs. Yeah, he complained like a little whiner boy, but I know he likes spending time with us.

Mac and Slater were on a run in for what was going to be a few days, but turned into a week, and they should be coming home today. We talked to them a bit in the beginning, but not too much the past few days. From what I understand, the job was a major headache, it took longer than they intended and both of them seemed pretty edgy when talking about it. And also, it was club related, and only the guys in the club get to know the details.  Steffi and I really don't care about club business anyway so we never ask. I know that some of the older guys talk more with their wives, so maybe they know, but Steffi and me? We don't know anything.

What I do know, is that I'm waiting to see how Mac acts, how he treats me.  I'm not going to tell him what I want, beg him to call or text, spend time with me.  He'll do these things because he wants to, not because I force him.  I've never had a boyfriend before, and though that's not what Mac and I are, we're still something.   I've seen lots of couples though, I don't want to be that drama girl who's always crying because her boyfriend cheated or ignored her, or spent time with other girls.  If that's what Mac wants, then that's not me, and better we find out now.  

Ronnie always treated me like I was a burden, and that's the last time in my life I'm ever going to be someones burden.  I didn't have a choice to be her daughter, but she sure as hell had a choice to be a nice person to me, or not.  She chose not to be a nice mom.  I'm not going to ever deal with that kind of treatment again.

I'm not a super needy person, in fact, I'm pretty independent.  I take care of myself, I work hard at school and my job.  I'm a good friend, granddaughter and person, I think I'd be a good girlfriend too.  I've wanted a relationship with Mac for so long, and now that I almost have it, I'm kind of scared, a lot hopeful, and a little doubtful.

I am kind of bummed that I missed the last of winter break, but it did make it easier in dealing with the Dylan issue. I really like him, and I think if there wasn't a Mac, then we could truly perhaps have a romantic relationship. But the truth is, even though I was finally ready to move on and away from Mac, the moment he let me know he DID care (LOVE!) about me, I knew I couldn't do anything with Dyl. I would have been leading him on, and that would be awful, he's a great guy and a good friend. Dylan has helped me get some modeling jobs, and he's totally helped me with some of the jerks in the business. But honestly, I've loved Mac for so long, I have to see if there is something here that is really as important as I think there is.

Dylan was so sweet, after I texted him that Steffi and I were sick in bed, he brought us both flowers and get well stuff. He came by every day and kept us company, played video games with us, brought us some smoothies when we were finally able to swallow without crying. He is such a good guy. I hope that I don't regret not giving him a chance. I am kind of worried that all that Mac said was more of a jealous reaction to Dylan than what his true feelings about me. Mac can be a possessive person, even before he told me his feelings he used to watch over me, I always thought it was in a brotherly way, happily it seems that I was wrong!