I Loved You Before I Met You (New Version)

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   My sperm donor is a CPA and worked a lot and tried to use that excuse as to why he cheated on mom. Of course that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard. After the divorce he moved to San Antonio for a senior CPA job he was offered at some big national company. I could never understand why he cheated on my mom and ruined our family.

   Now I have to go live with a man I don't really know and his wife that I didn't even know existed until two weeks ago. This is my sperm donor's third marriage after his and moms divorce. He married the woman he cheated with and they were married for one year before they got a divorce. From my understanding his second marriage ended from him cheating on her. And now he is married for a third time. I don't know how long this marriage has been for him but my guess is probably not very long. Well, as they say, third times the charm. Let's just see if that's true for him.

   Once we arrive at the airport Aunt Mary walks with me inside. I don't want to say goodbye but I know I have to. We stand there hugging for what seems like forever until I know I have to go so I can get through all the TSA security crap then wait on boarding. "I love you and will call you often to check on you. Please don't think I don't want you Kyler because I would love for you to stay with me. I know it may not seem like it but this is what's best, he is your other parent after all." Aunt Mary says. I tell her I love her and will talk to her soon and I will text her to let her know I arrive safely. I really just want to crawl in a hole somewhere with what my life is becoming.

   I had already told my best friend Katie goodbye and I didn't want her to miss school since today was the first day back from spring break. We both knew if she came to the airport it would make it so much harder for me having to leave. Of course Katie didn't like that but understood my reasoning and admitted this was really hard for her too, which I knew it was. I told her we would talk and text all the time. We agreed that she would visit me if she could and I would come back and visit her when I come to visit my aunt.

   Katie's mom even offered for me to live with them if my sperm donor was okay with it. I would have loved to stay in Pensacola and live with Katie and her mom. It was my senior year after all and it sucked having to move this close to the end of the school year. Especially with graduation so close and I would have been able to graduate with my best friend. Well, of course that couldn't happen because Mike wanted me in San Antonio. I don't understand why he wants me now when he hasn't wanted me in the past. Maybe he feels guilty so that's why he wants me now. Or maybe just maybe he is a changed man and has realized the error of his ways. One can only hope that's the case even though I doubt it.

   Katie and I have been best friends since kindergarten and it hurt both of us to be separated. We were always together and did everything together. She was always at my house or I was always at her house. My mom considered her as another daughter and Katie's mom felt the same way about me. It is going to be really hard being away from her. We have never been this far apart from each other since we first became friends. She is more like a sister to me and I love her as my family. She is the one person I can always confide in.

   I was scared to loose Katie's friendship when I told her I was a lesbian but I couldn't keep it from her, after all she was my best friend. I knew I possibly was risking my friendship with her when I told her I liked girls but that didn't happen. She never treated me any different and said she would always love me no matter what. Katie is a beautiful mixed girl but I have never had any sort of sexual attraction to her. She is straight and was a great support through it all. She was the person that convinced me to tell my mom I was a lesbian when I was 14.

   I always kind of knew that I was attracted to girls but kept it to myself. There was never a boy that interested me or that I was attracted to. I never really planned on telling anyone because I was scared of the outcome. I was scared of losing the most important people in my life. I even questioned myself sometimes but once I kissed my first girl, I knew without a doubt I was a lesbian and couldn't keep that to myself. That first kiss set it in stone for me. I had to be true to myself to truly be happy.

   Come to find out, when I told my mom, she said she already knew I liked girls. Well, she said she had suspected that I did. She was actually waiting on me to realize it for myself and to feel comfortable telling her without being pressured to do so. I already had a great relationship with my mom and it seemed like coming out to her brought us even closer together. Mom loved me unconditionally and supported me. She was proud of me, never judged me and wanted me to be happy.

   My mom raised me to have manners and to be respectful to others and to have respect for myself. She taught me to work hard and work for what I wanted in life because knowing you earned it was more important than everything being given to you. She was my mom but she was also my first best friend. We did a lot together, from weekend trips to the beach, concerts, just a day out together or hanging out at home talking and relaxing. We cooked and cleaned the house together when she would not just let me do it by myself. I always wanted to do everything so she didn't have to.

   She already did so much for us. I was never embarrassed to do things with her like a lot of teens were with their parents. We always had fun together and some people always thought we were sisters because we didn't act like mother and daughter. That didn't mean I didn't get in trouble if needed. My mom and I were cool but she would still discipline me when I needed it. I miss her so much and wish she was still her. I try to remind myself that she is still with me though and that I have the best guardian angel watching over me.

   The flight to San Antonio isn't that bad. It is about 1 hour and 50 minutes from Pensacola to Charlotte, North Carolina where I have a small layover. From Charlotte it is about 3 hours and 10 minutes to San Antonio. I slept most of the way and woke up about 30 minutes before we were to land. Mike had texted me yesterday and said he would be at the airport to pick me up when I landed.

   This is going to be weird seeing him after all these years. To be honest I just hope I don't lose my shit in the airport in front of everyone and go off on him. Guess you can say I have a lot of anger towards him after all these years. I mean yes we have talked on the phone a few times but it's different seeing someone in person after so many years. It's like all these intense feelings come flooding over me.