Obsession // Ashtray

10

Chris picked me up fairly quickly, I assume he was speeding and as soon as I got into the car I knew something was off. "You okay?" I frown a little putting my seatbelt on. "Yeah I'm straight," his monotone voice and focused eyes on the road told me otherwise. "You sure? You know you can always talk to m-" "Nyah I'm good," his voice falters but I decide not to frustrate him more and let it go. He'll come to me soon... I hope. We end up going to Ice Monster (it's a shop lmao) and I look for skates first. "Neutral or coloured," I ask Chris and he shrugs for a second the says "neutral. Goes with everything," then resumes back to whatever the fuck he was doing. I grab my size and then look at training clothes. I turn to Chris about to ask him which but then decide to just choose myself when I see him practically fuming.

I see an incoming call on my phone from Ashtray and I involuntarily smile, not that I'm complaining. "Hey ma, I saw your lil note like 20 minutes ago and just wanted to check on you," his raspy voice confirms he probably just woke up. "Yeah I'm good, currently shopping for figure skating shit. I don't know whether I should go for the plain black jumper and leggings or the red two-piece," I sigh looking at the two options on the rack. "I say get both but you better show me what it looks like," he says, "you'll be the first to see," I laugh. "Yo Nyah, you almost done?" Chris asks rolling his eyes and I glare at him in response. "Does it look like it?" I retort back. Ion know who he thinks I am if he thinks I'm boutta take his unexplained bullshit. "Is Chris good?" Ashtray asks in my ear, "I'm asking the same question," and resume back to my shopping.

Ashtray stayed on the phone a little longer but he eventually had to go to the store because people needed things. I paid for my stuff on my card which my uncle will pay me back for because that shit was like $450. "Okay, I'm done," turning to Chris after the payment was finalised. He looks up at me and for a split second it looked like he was about to cry, but his face quickly returned to his pissed face. When we got home I realised he wasn't coming inside with me, "Tell dad not to wait up for me, I'm going out," he says and I just nod. "Hey uncle, Chris says not to wait up for him and that he's going out," I give him a hug as I walk in. "That's alright Nyah, show me the gear you got and dinner's on the table," he smiles. Don't know where I'd be without my uncle. "I will, I will," I laugh walking closer to the stairs, "I just promised someone I'd show them first," he pretends I stabbed him in the chest which makes me chuckle harder. "Okay goofy," with a little eye roll, "I'm trying them on now," and I walk up to my room.

Fits:

I tried on the black fit first and it was fine, didn't hate it, didn't love it. But it was warm so that's good. I send a video to Ashtray on what it looks like then go to my uncle, "This is fit number one and these are the new skates I got," I give him a pose then bump into Roy, "where's your girlfriend?" I tease and he does too saying "and where's your boyfriend?" we laugh for a bit before we're interrupted by my uncle. "So you guys are dating people?" With a raised eyebrow and we both quickly say, "It's just exclusive not dating," and I quickly run back to my room to avoid more questions. I get into the red fit and stare at myself in the mirror. I'm not used to wearing very fitted things or maybe it was the fact that the material was thin... at least it was transparent though. I send another video to Ashtray but it was much shorter than the first. After showing my uncle the clothes and the red set which he surprisingly approves he pays me back the money for it.

I decide that i wanna call Rue because i feel like we've been drifting. "Hey Ru Ru," I say, impersonating Maddi and she laughs a little. "But seriously, I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't mean to annoy you. And I know you have a lot of people already wanting you to get clean but I think you're addicted," I sigh. "Yeah.. can we talk about something else?" Her voice is weak, "yeah okay, what have you been up to in the past like what.. 6 days?" I put her on speaker and lay on my bed fiddling with my fingers. "I've been going to NA (Narcotics Anonymous) and I have a sponsor... His name his Ali and I don't know how to feel about it," she huffs longingly. "Well... that's good isn't it?" I smile briefly. "It's just-" she takes a breath as if contemplating telling me, "Jules and I are kind of a thing I guess. I really really like her. And she likes me. But like, I don't know, it feels like she wants me to change. Yknow, stop doing drugs and shit," Rue sniffles as I pack the last bits of my skating gear away. "Aw Rue, relationships are hard. And they're even harder when we have addiction or mental issues as baggage. I'm saying you should or shouldn't be pursuing a relationship right now because only you can decide that for yourself but if you want to stay clean for you, then it might make things a bit easier." I sympathise.

After our call I decide to take a hot bubble bath, letting my body sink into the bath, I sigh in relief. For a small moment I was free, in a perfect bliss. All the worries with my mother had vanished from my mind, as well as being the talk of the school and worrying over others. There was just silence. Refreshing silence. But my body had to rush up for air.

Word count: 1061