More Than One [18+]

31.

TRIGGER WARNING!!! - Suicidal thoughts and suicide

I'm sick.

I'm tired from doing all the work, yet here I am, driving home at 8 pm because some loser forgot to do his job.

But I know it's worth it. It's worth going to work, because when I come home, Scarlett will be there.

Ah, Scarlett.

She's my most precious thing in life. Without her, everything will crumble like it did before her. Before she smiled at us. Before we laid our eyes on her.

Her beautiful black hair, her pretty brown eyes. Her innocence, her smile, her giggle. All those things belong to Scarlett, who is the reason I keep going.

I park and rush inside, desperate to see Scarlett. I need to see her, or I'll go crazy. 

Smiling, I walk into the kitchen. That smile quickly fades when I hear what's going on there. "No! He's so annoying, always with his stupid jokes! I'm serious, Jordan, why don't you just kick him out? And he's always home late," she grumbles.

I swallow my tears. Is that really what she thinks of me? No, no. It can't be. 

"And did you see what he was doing at work today? He was acting like a child," she spits out. 

I turn around, leaving her with everyone else in the kitchen. Everyone she really likes, and not just pretends to. Once in the hallway, I let my tears stream down. Oh fuck, why am I crying like child? 

I slam my door closed and try to control my sobs. The only thing I held on, the only person I trusted fully with everything doesn't even like me. 

I break down, crying and yelling and beating the wall. So what if they hear it? I close my eyes and pinches the bridge of my nose. Trying to get my sobs under control, I think about what contents life still has.

Work sucks.

Scarlett is just pretending to like me. Why didn't she just say all those things? I can change. I really can. For her, I would have done anything.

I open my closet, searching for it. Where did I leave it? 

Flashbacks flood into my mind. I push them away, crying, but they keep coming.

"She smiles at us. "I'm Scarlett," she says, then closes her eyes, as if she's frustrated with herself. She doesn't need to be, she's gorgeous. And ours."

I sob, tears blurring my vision. She wasn't smiling at me. She was smiling at everybody but me, I realize now.

""I trust you, all of you. I trust you with my whole heart, so please don't break that trust.""

I didn't. Yet, I couldn't. Because she trusted everyone but me, I realize now.

""Owen, you're a kind person. Don't do this.""

I scream. She lied. She lied the whole time to me. 

Where the fuck is it? I can't see much through my tears, and I collapse against the wall from crying. Just give it to me. It's all I have left.

I get up, feeling my legs are wobbly. No. I need to find it. I reach the bathroom and see it. Finally. I take it and open it. My toilet bag.

I rumble in it. Where the fuck are they? 

Finally, I find them. My razors.

I smile through my tears. At least something that works with me today. I can finally end any miserable thing in my life. My life itself.

But guilt washes over me as I realize what I'm about to do. I can't leave them alone, can I? They at least deserve to know why. The guys.

So I quickly write it down on a note. It's not long, it's not a real letter. But it's something. Now my mind is at ease, and I feel nothing but relief it's almost over.

I take one of the razors in my hand and bring it to my arm, just where I can see the veins. I take a deep breath and scratch it open with one, quick cut.

It's bleeding. Oh God, there's so much blood. But I don't feel anything, just my mind finally slowing down. I do it on the other side too, and I feel myself fall down.

Finally peace.

I always joked around, appearing all jumpy and happy. But my mind was dark. Too dark, I realize now. But does it matter now? No. I feel myself drift away to a place I didn't know yet.

Death.

Even if I'm going to hell, it'll always be better than realizing the person you love hates you.