Dancing With The Masquerade

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: KASIEMOBI

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KASIEMOBI

Who am I?

Standing in the bathroom, starring at my reflection, that very question echoed in my head. I'd released my braids from the band that held them all together. The ones in front barely dangled, covering the sides of my face, and the others flowed all the way down my back.

The harder I stared at my reflection, the more I felt lost. Who is Kasiemobi Ejindu? Mum said I have to give up my freedom of choice and sanity to save the lives of the rest, but... I didn't know if I could. Yes, I know, thinking down that path would make me selfish, but as a person, don't I deserve to be happy? I love my family. I want everyone safe and alive, but... this can't be it.

Mum said even before I was born, they stamped I would marry into that family. Maybe this is it... the reason I've always felt something about my life was odd. I thought I knew who I was. I thought I had all the answers but turns out, I never did. Have I ever actually been who I thought I was? Or maybe deep down, I've always known I didn't know who I really was. I wished for the trust. Finally, I know what it is and now I wish I never knew.

I stood straight, taking my hands off the sink and letting it fall to my sides. For a minute, I closed my eyes and quietly took in a deep breath as if it was a remedy to curing the immense stress I was under. The moment I opened them; my eyes widened at the sight of the masquerade behind me. Immediately, I turned, and it slit my throat right away with something sharp and small. I stared at the masquerade as I reached my hands to my neck, blood spurting out as I took one or two staggered steps away from it. Fear, surprise, disbelief were all the emotions and expression I could portray on my face, in my eyes as I lost my balance and fell to the ground.

As I laid on the cold tiles, I couldn't take my eyes off the figure that has tormented me for a so long. The only thought in my mind, 'I don't want to die. This can't be it.' But it all felt too real and as I gradually slipped into the arms of death, I never looked away from it even once till everything went dark.

Immediately, I woke up in a scare, panting with a palpitating heartbeat. Quickly, I touched my neck all around and there was no sign of cut or blood. That was enough to calm me down before I looked around. I was in my room, on my bed and in my nightwear. I realized what had happened. None of it was real. It was another nightmare and the strangest part, it felt real and different. This was the first time in this series of nightmare I experienced dying. What does this mean? Am in danger?

I gulped down hard while recalling how it had happened and what I'd felt. Never again do I want to feel that way.

To me, every second reminded me of the noose around my neck and the secret this family was keeping from the world, but it would seem that wasn't the same for the other members of the family. There I was, standing amid the hustle and bustle going on in the compound. Chidera's wedding was tomorrow, and it had slipped my mind until this morning.

There were canopies mounted up, the decorators were hard at work and at various locations. I spotted a family member, busy, trying to take part in the arrangement or lead at it. I want to be understanding, but really, I couldn't. How can they do this? How can they act like nothing is happening? We can all drop dead any time of the day, but everyone is moving on with their lives. It seems I'm the only one worried about what our tomorrow could look like. Honestly, I'm happy for Chidera, but I wasn't sure anymore if getting married during this time is the best move.

A light sigh left my lips. I know I sound unemotional with that thought and that shouldn't be the case. I know what to do to ease their burden, but I couldn't see myself doing it.