Brooklyn 99: Jake Peralta x Reader

The Pontiac Bandit Returns Part 2

Rosa opened the door to a hotel room. "All right, big sugar. Four star hotel room, you happy?"

"Okay, okay. Okay, flat screen TV. King sized bed. Hangers you can take off the rod? This is what's up. This place is nice. We should settle down here, Rosa. Now if y'all excuse me, I'm gonna go freshen up. I'm feeling stanky" said Judy.

"Hold it! Not so fast" said Jake, and he went into the bathroom to look around.

Judy looked at Rosa. "Let's make out."

"Not yet" Rosa whispered back.

"All right, there's no windows. You can go in" said Jake, walking out of the bathroom. "But leave the door open, and I'm hanging on to this" he said, holding up a hair dryer.

"What would he do with that?" you asked.

"He could point it at my face until my eyeballs dry out and I lose my sense of sight. Then shove it in my mouth, so I can't yell for help, and finally run out the front door and disappear forever" explained Jake.

"Nah, I was just gonna use it do dry my undercarriage later. Would you just relax? Stop being so paranoid. I'm playing ball. I got you. If you'll excuse me..." said Judy, going into the bathroom.

"All right, we can't be too careful" said Jake, turning to face you and Rosa. "Let's go over the plan one last time."

"Doug Judy texts Ruiz to set up a meet. We each have a hidden wire, and we record Ruiz talking about giggle pig, then take him down" said Rosa.

Jake ran over to where Judy's shoes were and began to put something in his shoe.

"Tac team on call for back-up... What are you doing?" you asked.

"You look like a pervert" said Rosa.

"Putting a GPS tracker in his shoe. He is not getting away from me again, even if it means putting my favorite hand into his rotten stink boot" said Jake.

"Hoo-hoo! Did you see the menu?" asked Judy, coming out of the bathroom just as Jake finished putting the tracker in his shoe and ran over to join you and Rosa. "Lobster Thermidor. Baked Alaska. It's so fancy, it don't even sound like food. Here, order something. Order it. Do it. Order it."

"No, thanks. I'm on duty" said Jake.

"Come on, Peralta. You gonna let the criminal have all the fun?" asked Judy.

"All right, fine" Jake said, taking the menu from Judy. "I'll have one Lobster Thermidor, extra Thermidor on the side. I have no idea what I'm ordering."

"Me neither. We're like culinary Magellans. You know how we take this to the next level? Robes!" said Judy excitedly.

"Robes!" said Jake, just as excited.

Jake and Judy ran out of the bathroom, dressed in navy robes and jumped on the bed.

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"Three Lobster Thermidors, spaghetti and meatballs, caesar salad with tater tots instead of croutons" said the hotel worker.

"Oh, that's me. I'm trying to eat healthy" said Jake, handing the worker some money.

"I hear that. Your body is a temple" said Judy.

"All right, I'm searching it" said Jake, and began to look at the lobster.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" said Judy. "Peralta, what you doing, putting your fingers in my fancy feast? How am I supposed to escape using a lobster?"

"Squeeze the lemon in my eyes so I can't see, stab me in the jugular with a claw and then shove the tail down my throat so I can't scream for help, I gotta keep my eye on you, Judy" said Jake. "You're a slippery guy."

"Fair enough. That I am. But for right now, I'm all about helping you. So why don't you just chill and eat some sexy-ass lobster?" Judy suggested.

"Okay, we held up our end of the bargain" you said.

"Text Ruiz now, friend" said Rosa.

"Fine" said Judy. He picked up his phone. "Tito, dot, dot, dot. You around, question mark. Wanna meet up, period." He ended the message. "Speech to text, we live in a magical age."

"It's like the Jetsons" said Jake.

"By the way, this Tito dude, he spooks real easy, so -" Judy said before being interrupted by Jake saying "No, there's no way you're going in alone. We're coming with you. I've already got my cover story worked out. My name is Dante Thunderstone. I stole my first car at the tender age of nine."

"You had to fend for yourself since your mother was struck by lightning" said Judy.

"While she was pregnant with me. She passed. I lived. Some say that makes Zeus my dad" continued Jake.

"Oh!" said Judy. "That is dope!"

"Mythic" Jake said.

"And, Rosa, you could be my wife... Rosa" Judy said.

"Why would you take your wife with you to meet a drug dealer?" asked Rosa.

"'Cause we're partners in everything we do" said Judy.

"Aw" said Jake as Judy's phone dinged.

"Whoa. Tito wants to meet up" said Judy.

"Great, tell him to meet us over here. We'll get him a lobster and a robe" said Jake, and Rosa glared at him. "I mean, no, let's go catch him in the act."

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"Ruiz's bodyguards. Prepare to be touched in some real intimate places" said Judy as two men walked over to you, Rosa, Jake and Judy.

"I'm clean" said Jake.

"Watch it" said Rosa.

"Where'd you get those shoes, man?" asked Judy.

Ruiz got out the car.

"There he is. Tito, what's up, my man?" asked Judy.

"Doug Judy. Who are they?" Ruiz asked.

"My bodyguard. Selena. We doing it on the DL" said Judy.

"He's an amazing lover. I'm pregnant" said Rosa.

"My other body guard, random/name" said Judy, gesturing to you. "And this here is my partner, Dante Thunderstone."

"The one and only. Brrrat, brrrat, brrrat" said Jake.

"Okay, Judy. If we gonna do business, I gotta see how good you really are. This is a test. Go jack that car right now. Give him the tools" said Ruiz, pointing at a car as someone threw Judy the bag of tools.

"That is a cinch to pinch" said Judy confidently.

"There's no way you're getting in that car alone" said Jake, following Judy to the car.

"Hey, where you going, Thunderstone?" Ruiz asked.

"To steal the car. I jack the rides. Judy holds my tools" Jake said.

"Fine. Then you have two minutes" said Ruiz.

"Only need one" Jake said.

Jake and Judy turned back around.

"That was tight. You played him like a boss" said Judy.

"Thanks. Now I just need to magically learn how to steal a car. Braat, braat!" said Jake.