Mine

Chapter 46

Alexander pov

Slamming the glass on the table I pour more whiskey and drank it burn my throat but I like it this is the only thing that helped me not to break down in these two months

I can't without him, years I was alone without him near me but I was relieved that he was alive maybe happy but mostly safe but now I don't know it's breaking me

two months and I haven't left his side two months that I haven't slept probably two months that I couldn't eat without wanting to vomit and mason forcefully giving me food two months that I started drinking to numb the pain but it's not going away it's still here

the day when I saw his broken car in the tv and when the reporter said they didn't know if he could make is it was like someone is ripping my soul from me I was shocked that I couldn't cry still I can't, I tried but nothing, all I feel is my chest aching it's hurting

after waiting for four hours I could see him I stood by the door frame shocked I couldn't move it was like I was paralyzed my strong Elliot looked so weak buries all over his face and scratches on his forehead and face his head was bandaged his right leg was casted

I felt like dying slowly and painfully my Elliot my love was lying he couldn't even breath by himself the doctors put an oxygen mask on his mouth

The doctors told me he nearly lost his leg and he had so many broken bones they didn't know when he will wake up he needs to heal first, but then I found out he nearly died they had to use life pack to bring him back

It's my fault Everything is my fault I'm the reason that his like this I can't make him happy I hurt him so many times years ago I broke him and now I hurt him again that he had an accident and nearly died because of me because of my stupidly

I should have left him alone every time I come into his life something Happens to him but I couldn't stop I had to have him back he makes me feel alive he makes me feel that I'm human not a cruel monster that kills people I love him his more than love his like obsession to me like a drug that I can't let go

But I will leave him his better without me, I don't want to hurt him anymore, I don't want to hold him back even if it's killing me I have to do it I know it will hurt him but he will move on without me and maybe marry again

I know he can't forgive me for what I did years ago I don't deserve his forgiveness but I think I can live with that I just want him to be safe

Elazar is quit he doesn't talk to anyone except Mateo and sometimes me at first I didn't want to talk to him because it's my fault that his dad is in hospital I couldn't look at him but then he cried and he wanted to go to see his dad so I had to tell him

he cried so much and fell asleep in my arms it felt different I like it I have never held Mateo in my arms I don't know why maybe because I don't like kids but when Elazar slept in my arms I couldn't move him he smelled like my Elliot his scent was same

sighing I run my fingers through my messy hair as I heard a knock " come in " I said the door opened and Elazar walk in quickly I put the bottle and the glass away and give him a small smile

" come here " my voice hoarse I cleared my throat and picked him and placed him on my lap " what are you doing " he whispered his still nervous around me " some pepper work," I said as he laid his head on my chest making me sigh

Elliot, please wake up soon your son needs you I need you because if I stay with Elazar I can't let him go I think I'm already attached to him

"I miss daddy " he whimpered I run my hand over his head " I miss him to buddy so much " I whisper

" do you love him," he asked looking up I smile and wiped his tears I wish I could cry too and let go all these emotions that I didn't feel before

" Why do you ask, " I ask " daddy is always distance to everyone he doesn't smile and talk not even uncle mason but with me his different and one time I saw you on the tv that daddy was looking and then he smiled I asked him if he loves you and he said I do then I asked why he's not with you then he said you don't love him back " he explained

I look at the little boy shocked his just six years old how can he talk like this even remember his so clever

God it's all my fault I'm a mess I told him I didn't love him and he believed me I hate myself he doesn't know that I love him more than anything in this world

" I do love him Elazar, " I said kissing his head " you won't leave him would you, I don't want him to be alone and drink that stinky juice anymore when he drinks that juice he starts crying I can hear him from my room I don't want daddy to be sad," he said looking down as a tear fell from his beautiful eyes

God Elliot what did you do this to yourself and your son his still the same old Elliot he still drinks a lot when he's sad I thought maybe he stopped

" I..I..won't...leave him again " I shutter and looked away " promise," he asked I couldn't say anything so I just nodded I hate this why did I promise I'm such an idiot

" boss " someone barged in I look up angrily how dare he to come just like that in my office " what is it mason " I gritted my teeth his breathing hard

" ell...Elliot " he panted

Please be okay baby

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