A collection of short little stories or ramblings I write when I'm bored or spontaneously inspired :))
• random updates • warnings posted above any chapters that need one • beware of triggering poems/stories • im a sad bean sometimes •
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I think I finally get it, why you don't look at me in the way that I wish you did.
I've always known that I wasn't good enough for you, yet I've played this prideful game where I tried to pretend that I could do so much better.
That you were and still are a huge jerk.
That I have the right to find someone who never leaves me alone with my thoughts.
It's been too long, trying to put up this front. I'm tired, so tired, but don't give yourself credit, darling. I was already beaten down before I met you.
You just so happened to be the final bullet in the side of my head.
So build me a coffin. Wrap me up in the lace that I never wore when I was alive and stick me six feet under so that you don't have to deal with my useless existence anymore.
Shit, why are tears so thick?
Whoa.
I almost blacked out just now.
My surroundings are sort of dizzy, but it's okay. It'll blow over and the fuzziness in my eyes will focus and it'll be okay.
But will it really?
Maybe not now. Maybe not for a long time, because you meant a lot to me. You shouldn't have, but you did, because I was never the kind of girl who got that kind of attention on the daily and so for once in my life it felt so nice to be loved in that way.
But I'll find someone else. That's my life's mission, at the end of the day. I'm a hopeless romantic who will spend her life looking for someone who will take me and love me for who I am, someone who will go out of their way to make me happy, someone who will recognize when I'm not feeling so great and will actually care, someone who would stay up all night with me, someone who will watch cheesy romance movies with me and shamelessly cry at the end, someone with the same glint in their eyes as I get when I have an idea. The list goes on for an infinity...and then some.
Someone as perfect as that might not exist, but I'm sure as hell that there's someone out there who a least will give a shit about me.
Especially when I'm not there.
Especially when I'm not the first to text, first to call, first to make a move and say something, anything.
You were my practice round. Hopefully I can get it right with the person who will actually matter in the end, but even then...
...even then...
...you'll still forever have this weird place in my heart that I'll never be able to let go of.
