nursing a broken heart | heejake

22화

‎♡‧₊˚✧ ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა ✧˚₊‧♡

The two men were walking down the street to Heeseung's car while enjoying the chilly weather under the hot sun.

"So... about last Friday night..." Heeseung started.

Jaeyun tensed his shoulders a little, "you mean, when I texted you last night?"

Of course Heeseung wasn't talking about that, Jaeyun knew it, but he wanted to play a little hard to get. Even more so if they were going to talk about the kissing, that could lead to more kissing.

For some reason the two were a bit careful around the subject. Nevertheless, Jaeyun was feeling his stomach flutter in expectancy of Heeseung's response.

"No... the Friday of the event. You know how Sunjae went to see you. How have you been with that?"

The fluttering in his stomach abruptly died down. Jaeyun was taken by surprise by this change in topic.

Why would Heeseung ask about that?

Why was that relevant? Jaeyun hadn't even thought about it at all! The only thing in his mind was Heeseung and their little incident!

He was starting to feel like this was some kind of pattern. Did Heeseung only think he wanted to talk to him to vent about his ex?

Because that was not it!

Why didn't he ask about the kiss?

Why wasn't he more interested in that instead of his ex?

It had clearly ended, so Jaeyun really didn't understand!

And it made him feel a bit upset.

"I hadn't thought about that at all..." Jaeyun mumbled.

"I just thought you'd want to talk about it, since you called me here and all."

An angry little fire lit inside Jaeyun's chest, either way keeping a calm tone, "do you really think I asked you out to talk about him?"

Heeseung didn't understand why Jaeyun was fulminating him with his eyes.

"I mean, that's what you usually do. You even got drunk because of it that day," Heeseung added.

Jaeyun was baffled.

"So you're really gonna act like we didn't kiss that day? Like nothing happened? Did you not think I maybe asked you out because of that?" Jaeyun fumed a bit agitated.

Heeseung looked at Jaeyun with confusion once more. They had stopped walking and were facing each other.

"That... it crossed my mind but—

Jaeyun cut him off, "it 'crossed your mind'? Well, that's perfect."

Heeseung wasn't following and he was starting to get upset at Jaeyun being clearly angry now. Why couldn't he be more straightforward with what he meant? Why was he so angry at him?

"I think we need to calm down a little, could you tell me why you're so mad?" Heeseung begged.

Jaeyun wasn't in his right mind, anger had blinded him, "it was clear as day, Lee Heeseung. I asked you out! I didn't ask to hang out or to vent, I asked for a date! And not a friendly one, in case you missed that as well!"

Heeseung himself felt angrier now, he knew he messed up but he didn't feel like he deserved to be treated like he was stupid.

"Well, what am I supposed to think? You've nothing but been dodging me at every attempt I made! I've been patiently waiting and trying to be careful with you but this isn't fair."

Jaeyun knew he had also messed up, but he was more hurt in that moment.

"I just wanted to go out with you, and not think of anyone else. I was only thinking of you, I thought you'd be doing the same..." Jaeyun replied disheartened, lowering his voice as he did so.

He softened his voice as he confessed.

"I like you Heeseung. I asked you out because I like you, because I want to get to know you. I did all this just for you and me..."

A drop of tear fell down Jaeyun's cheek quickly and into the pavement.

Jaeyun's anger had subsided by then and the familiar clench of heart filled his chest.

Saying that to Heeseung hadn't been as hard as hearing him mention Sunjae's goodbye in their first official date. Because the last thing he wanted was to be reminded of his ex by the person he currently likes. Because he wanted to leave it all behind. Because he wanted to move on.

But he couldn't. Not with this.

Heeseung stood there speechless, aware of his mistake and highly conscious of Jaeyun's tears falling down his face.

"Jaeyun, I didn't— I..." Heeseung stuttered but it didn't reach Jaeyun.

The younger felt foolish and dumb. What was he expecting? That just from one day to the next Heeseung would see how his intentions changed? He needed to be clear and loud about his feelings. But just now that he expressed them aloud to Heeseung was when he finally acknowledged them.

Sadly, he was hurt again. And he thought he had nobody to blame but his own foolish self.

"Sorry Heeseung, I shouldn't have said so much." Jaeyun sniffed and wiped his eyes from the tears. "I'll just go, thank you for coming all the way here. Sorry it was for naught."

"Jaeyun, don't go..." Heeseung pleaded, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for things to turn like this."

"Don't worry, it's all my fault. Sorry." Jaeyun murmured while he gifted Heeseung a smile that didn't reach his eyes, that showed how hurt he was.

Before Heeseung could do or say much more, Jaeyun had hurried off to the bus stop and climbed on the big transport, going away. Going further away from Heeseung.

The older stood there, processing everything that happened, feeling how Jaeyun had been opening up to him and how hard that had been for them to achieve.

Now it was like starting from day one, and Heeseung cursed himself over and over on the ride back to his apartment for making Jaeyun cry.

‎♡‧₊˚✧ ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა ✧˚₊‧♡