Ephemeral

Chapter 21

I made a list. The second time my mom had attempted to 'K' word herself, I made a list of things that would be impossible to happen. Things that I knew for a fact wouldn't happen even if a genie in a lamp himself had come and asked me to make three wishes.

Number one on that list was Vincent changing ways. Him becoming a father that I don't need, and becoming the perfect husband before I expected. Him becoming a good person.

Number two on that list was my mother ever getting better. And by 'getting better' I mean going back to the woman I knew from ages three to eight.

After her first attempt three years ago, I knew she needed help. I was smart enough to know that her mental health was not where it needed to be and she needed to get help for it. She needed to go away to get better that's all I cared about. I didn't care that I was stuck in this big house alone majority of the time. I didn't care that I had to hide in my room from five in the evening till seven in the morning the next day because that's when Vincent would be back from work. I didn't care that the only other person here hated me more than...more than...I don't know spiders or raisins.

However her second attempt changed it all. Her second attempt made me lose the little hope I was clinging on to. I read that approximately seventy percent of people that made suicide attempts never tried to again. They got the help they needed and lived. Seventy percent, that was the number I was holding on to. The age group that had the highest rated suicide attempts was forty-five and over. My mom was thirty-eight and gorgeous.

Let's not speak of the third time, the third time she tried was way too recent for her to even have half of a chance of ever getting better. I was convinced she'd spend the rest of her life confined in the four white walls of her hospital room.

So imagine my surprise when I see a sober Vincent helping my frail mother inside the house when I tried sneaking out to go to school.

Vincent was helping my mother inside the house with her small suitcase behind him.

Let me repeat that.

Vincent was helping my mother inside the house.

"Hi mom, you're home." I said with a small smile as she wrapped her bony arms around me and gently rubbed my back.

"I'm back, baby." She said as she pulled away and clapped her hands before spinning around and breathing in the air. She made it look like she was in the prettiest and happiest place on earth, but in reality she just came back to hell.

"I didn't know you were back today, I would've come to get you." I said cautiously as she put an arm around my shoulders.

"Don't be silly baby, you have school. You better get going, I need to spend some time with your father." She winked as my stomach rolled in disgust.

"Yeah but you're back, I'm sure it'll be fine if I don't go to school today." I reassured her. I can't leave her alone, I just can't. There's no telling what'll happen if I do.

"Go to school." Vincent said from the front door as I jumped in surprise. I think that's the first time in three years he's spoken a sober sentence to me. His tone of voice gave me chills and raised goosebumps on my arms, I hate it. I hate how easily he intimidates me. I hate him.

Looking over at him for a split second, I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying anything and picked up my backpack off the floor. I gave her a quick hug before rushing out of the front door and finally letting out a breath I hadn't realised I was holding.

There are too many things that can go wrong. Too many.

The unusually aggressive wind was the only reason I was moving. It was pushing me forwards forcing me to start walking or I know I'd be rooted outside the house. I had gotten a notification earlier this morning with a weather warning, I expected school to have closed for the day but when I didn't get a text message or email, I knew it wouldn't happen. The sight of the almost black clouds and whistling wind is confirmation enough that there's going to be a storm. It's unusual for April.